Calling Baby a Dick

[HB2019]

DSis calls her 14w DC Satan, a dick, says his name loudly in his face when he's fussy, and just generally loses her cool with him. I've tried positive language when we're together, just showering him in "good boy!" And saying "don't worry, he's just deciding what he wants" and I've asked my other sister to do the same, I feel like the baby needs someone to stand up for him. But DSis tells us to back off, when we asked her not to call him a dick she said "I can and I will" and "mind our own fucking business"

She's been diagnosed with PND so I don't want to do too much as she clearly needs help but I don't know how to help. But then the other side of me thinks this needs flagging as, in my mind, if she does this when we're there what does she do when we're not? But then thirdly I've got a new baby myself so is it just a difference in parenting styles?

Totally ready to be told I'm handling this badly and to back off

@Jossina the HV won't say they've had a call will they?

@noneedtoberudedear I know. I have to do it.

If she says those things and behaves angrily to a 14 week old, how will it have progressed by the time her child is a wilful toddler who's enjoying throwing their food on the floor??

@HB2019 it’s such a horrible situation for you to be in.

I’d be very surprised if a HV would say they’d been alerted to the issue. I know my HV wouldn’t but she’s lovely and very discreet.

Sorry if you’ve already answered this but have you told your sister directly that how she is speaking to her LO is totally unacceptable? It sounds a bit like she’s been treated with kid gloves due to the PND, but perhaps she actually needs her bad behaviour brought to her attention?

@noneedtoberudedear
When another sister asked her not to call him a dick she replied "I can and I will" and later the same day she shouted his name at him which my other sister told her not to, she replied "mind your own fucking business, I know you prefer HB's baby!"

I think in her mind I have a "good baby" and she has a "fussy baby" but she doesn't see my sacrifices. My "good baby" is literally attached to me 24/7

I'm surprised at the number of posters who say they call their babies dicks (but with love). The idea of calling a baby or child any word with sexual/genital meaning really bothers me. I'd never do it.

TBH it sounds like she is struggling more than perhaps she has let on. I would try to emphasise that she is doing a great job and that it's BLOODY hard and not to be so tough on herself - the language she is using is about how SHE feels, not so much about the baby I'm guessing, as in the rational part of her brain I'm sure she knows that her baby is not a "dick", but she is overwhelmed and wondering why she's not taking this in her stride the way "other mums" seem to be.

I speak as someone who has been in her situation (possibly). Less judgement. More help required, maybe?