Am I being unreasonable?

[svbmum]

Hi,

I would really love some second opinions on this.

My husband and I have a little boy who is 6 months old and I have just discovered that I am pregnant again (unplanned but happy/excited nonetheless). The problem is that we have a holiday booked in 2 months time for my MIL's big birthday but the holiday destination has Zika so being pregnant I won't be able to go. My husband would still like to go and take our son without me. Am I being unreasonable to not want this to happen? Of course I feel bad for letting down my MIL (he's her first and only grandchild) but I really don't want to miss out on memories of our son at 8 months on holiday and with me being on maternity leave I would be absolutely lost without him for a whole week! I should also point out that I've only left him once overnight so far and although my husband is a great dad he's not very hands on so I am our son's primary carer, my husband barely changes a nappy or feeds him!

Please help! Currently it's causing a lot of friction between my husband and I! I feel like he's putting his MIL's feeling ahead of mine.

Xoxo

YABU, it's his mum's big birthday!! You can't go and they can't either!?!?

It's paid for and pre planned. Am sure you will have a nice relaxing time nesting.

YANBU. absolutely no way would I leave my son, who is the same age as your son for a week. Your son is still a wee baby who needs his primary carer all the time. Let your husband go and spend some time with his mum.

YANBU fair enough it's his mums birthday but your LO needs his mumma at that age. My LO is a couple months older and I would have the same view as you. He needs me too much at the moment.

YANBU. I wouldn't be without my DC for a whole week when they were that age.

No you are not being unreasonable. Please take no notice of anyone who says you are.

YABU.
Take a step back and make him do more parenting then he'll be fine on holiday.

Just cause you can't go means your son should miss out on a family holiday? Thats a bit selfish if you ask me

YABU. Really. He doesn't belong just to you.

Are you breastfeeding?
Does the destination have other nasty illnesses, extreme temperatures or require injections?
Has your DH ever looked after DS for more than an hour or two alone? Does DH get up in the nights? Does he know DS’ routine/likes and dislikes/what he eats?

If the answer to the first two is yes, or the second three is no, I think that’s enough reason for DS to stay home with you.

YANBU - husband can go, baby should stay at home with you.

Yanbu. Don't be bullied into it.

Good grief! Your son needs you, he's not an accessory for your MIL's holiday photos.
What will he get out of being taken away from his mother for a week?
Let DH go and celebrate with his mum. You and DS stay behind.

If your BF then I'd say no. I wouldn't be stopping specifically for this reason.

If not then I don't see why your husband missing his son trumps you missing him and so he stays home. Especially when he'll be going for a reason.

Dh & MIL go, you and ds stay at home.

Yep . Completely unreasonable. DH isn't very 'hands on' ? Well here's his chance.
Your in laws have booked and paid for a holiday for you all. No doubt a large part of that was to spend time with their son and only grandchild. Now you can't go, you want to ruin (a large part of) it for all else concerned just because you 'can't bear to be apart' .. the child is not 'yours' alone. We are talking about ONE week in what will be another 80 odd years together (on average)
News flash .. he won't even remember the holiday or wether you were there or not ! besides he isn't being kidnapped by the bloody child catcher - it's his 'great dad' and doting grandparents.

Really need to get those big girl pants on and think about everyone else .

I'd let him go with the baby (or without). Don't see a problem myself - I'd enjoy the time off!

Yabu husband is the child's father

Yabu!
Imagine the situation the other way around. Your mums birthday and your DH can't fly for some medical reason. How mean would it be if he told you that you cant go with your child.
You sound selfish.

I don't think YABU, particularly as he isn't a hands-on parent to start with. I also don't think it's fair to take an 8mo baby away from its primary carer for a week when there's no necessity. A strange place with someone who hasn't been hugely involved with caring for him and a bunch of people he probably isn't that familiar with is a lot for a baby of that age. I wouldn't have my DD away from me for a week (but in fairness my DH would never suggest it).

But I do feel sorry for your MIL that she is missing out on something she's obviously been looking forward to. I know the pregnancy wasn't planned, but the timing is a real shame and I can understand why she would be upset. In her shoes I'd probably be pretty angry tbh. But I think she and your DH need to separate that from what is actually best for the baby.

The majority of responses you will always get is YANBU - your child, primary carer etc etc, but if your DH is a great dad as you say do you not feel he will be able to care for your child by himself? Is there a reason he has done less nappies? With my 3 month old there have been days I've had to metaphorically slap myself and say stop being a martyr and ask my other half for help, rather than saying he's been at work and try and do it all alone. If a man had posted the reverse to you and it was the mum taking the child away he would be called every name under the sun and controlling. This is a holiday and a chance for a big bonding between Dad and child and PIL also. Please don't take that away from them all. Do you have any friends you could do a girly break away with to help you unwind? You can still video call (several times) daily and be a part of the holiday. But try and take a step back and look at this from your DH and MIL sides too.

Of course you can go. Cover up and use mosquito repellent and a mosquito net and the chances are you’ll be fine. It’s only a week.

You may not think it’s worth it but in fact the risk is extremely low if you’re careful.

You can put your family first and let them go, or you can be selfish. It’s one week op, and it’ll mean nothing to your baby who won’t even remember it

YANBU. Not a chance would I leave mine for a week at 8 months old. But they were still breastfed then so perhaps that's a factor?

YANBU, let your DH go without you and DS. Your DH will probably enjoy it more (babies are not easy on holiday and it sounds long- haul if the destination has Zika) and DS won't care and would rather be with you anyway.

YABU. He is not just your DS. Your DH has time to be more involved before the trip and he will learn A LOT about childcare whilst away without you. This is exactly what us needed prior to number 2. And a week rest is perfect for you also. Don't be selfish.