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Parenting

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Original poster

Wedding 6 hours away with a 3 week old?

44 replies

surreygirl1987 · 19/12/2019 14:50

Just after some advice/ someone to talk this through with.
A good friend of mine is getting married in June. She moved down South a while ago so the wedding is 6 hours away. The trouble is, I am due my second child only a month before the wedding. I haven't told her I'm pregnant yet. My first baby was almost 2 weeks late, so I'm anticipating the possibility of this one being late too. This means that I could have a 3 week old on her wedding day.
My first baby was wild and unmanageable - I could no way have taken him to a wedding as he would have screamed all the way through it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed thst baby 2 is easier!!

The invitation says no children around so I wouldn't take my 2 year old to the wedding but obviously I'd explain that I'd need to bring the baby (I intend to breastfeed again). I was thinkijg we coile grt a self catering cottage nearby, invite the in-laws to come along, and I could pop to and from the wedding as necessary.

My main concern though is the journey. The furthest we drove with my first baby until he was about 8 weeks old was around 45 mins to ikea, and he hated the car so he screamed all the way. I know also that babies can't spend more than 2 hours in a carseat at a time. 6 hours away is so far!!

All I'm saying at the moment are problems and reasons why I shouldn't go... but actually I really really want to. She's a good friend, I've been looking forward to her getting married for ages and she's finally set the date, and it's in a beautiful south west coastal location which could be such a lovely holiday! But I'm just a bit worried about the logistics and my husband thinks it's a terrible idea and keeps reminding me how tough it was last time round.

Would love some advice / opinions / insight. I'm sure she will understand if I decline - but that's not the issue. The issue is I really want to go but am not sure how do-able it would be!!

Many thanks in advance.

OP posts:

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halcyondays · 19/12/2019 14:56

I wouldn’t bother, it’s too far.

ArlenesWoodBurningStove · 19/12/2019 14:58

Planet-killing though it is, is the journey flyable?

ArlenesWoodBurningStove · 19/12/2019 14:59

I love your “wild and unmanageable” description of your DS, DD was the same, an absolute savage.

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Brenna24 · 19/12/2019 15:00

Go and see her another time (assuming that she lives at the beautiful coastal location). You can hire a cottage then and actually get to spend time with her and the kids will be more manageable.

RhymingRabbit3 · 19/12/2019 15:02

Just dont go. The whole thing will be a nightmare. The 6 hour journey alone will become a 10 hour journey with all the extra stops you'll have to do.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/12/2019 15:03

I wouldn't even consider going.

Fleamaker123 · 19/12/2019 15:03

Personally the thought of a six hour journey with new baby plus small child would put me off straight away! I kept things simple when mine were tiny. But some people would do it... depends how you feel, do it if you feel you could cope

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 19/12/2019 15:04

Lochia
Having to stop for feeds/nappies/ car seat breaks
Leaky breasts
Sleepless nights.

I turned down a wedding 2hrs away a month after my due date as I didn't know how I would feel. DH went alone, I stayed with toddler and baby. As it was, on the day I felt fine. But we took her to another wedding a couple of months after and it was hellish- I spent most of the meal in the bar area feeding the baby while being brought parts of my dinner and glasses of water.

Roselilly36 · 19/12/2019 15:04

I wouldn’t attempt it personally, I think a long journey like that with a young baby could be very stressful, better off being at home with such a young baby. I agree, with comment about, visit your friend for a holiday at a later date.

OvalCanvas · 19/12/2019 15:05

It's just too long a journey imho. Too many breaks...too much planning. As a pp has said , just go and see her when your baby is bigger.

stophuggingme · 19/12/2019 15:05

I wouldn’t even contemplate it.

Helbelle17 · 19/12/2019 15:05

We have similar - baby due mid May, wedding mid-June and no children, so we'd have to leave DD with someone else. It's about 3 hours away. We've already decided we won't be going. I'll be having a C-section again and just can't be doing with the stress!

Huntlybyelection · 19/12/2019 15:06

Don't do it.

I went to a wedding with DC1 when they were 3 weeks old. It was tough. People kept trying to hold her, I wasn t totally comfortable breastfeeding yet and when I did feed, it took ages. I was still bleeding and worried about bleeding onto my dress. I was shattered and was pushed into going.

Plus sleeping away from home was just hard. We had a bassinet with the pram but I had to pack so much stuff for the baby it felt like a huge undertaking. And we were only away for 1 night, 3 hours away.

TL:DR - don't force yourself to go. Look after yourself and your new baby. She should be able to understand the situation you are in.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 19/12/2019 15:06

I think it's a terrible idea. Sometimes you just can't go to things. That's life

Roseability18 · 19/12/2019 15:06

We took an 8 wk old to a wedding 3 hours away. Had a lovely time and glad we made the effort. She was a week early so could have been a few weeks younger if she had been late. For me, it was nice to get out and see friends, show her off and get out of my scruffy clothes I’d been wearing round the house for weeks! We stayed in self catering locally the night before and night of the wedding. Only downside was we were both seriously knackered for several days afterwards! It was a child free wedding but bride was ok with small babies coming (made sure to confirm first) and there were half a dozen or so there.

HildaSnibbs · 19/12/2019 15:09

I just wouldn't go. Both my DDs were just like your 1st DC So would just say you can't go. She'll understand.

Winterdaysarehere · 19/12/2019 15:09

Looking at it positively.
Pfb usually late.
No indication this one will be.
Imve second dc are much more manageable!!
Your friend will be very chuffed you attend.
You also get to show off your squishy new baby.
And buy a new outfit!!

welshsoph · 19/12/2019 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyBee03 · 19/12/2019 15:59

I'd definitely say I can't make it if I was in your shoes. We had some very close friends who couldn't make our wedding for totally valid reasons like this, and it was no problem at all. I did a 2 hour journey when DS was 2 months old and it ended up being 6 hours with all the crying and the stops. I was an exhausted wreck by the end.

Bipbipbipbip · 19/12/2019 17:20

I'd say no, I had tonnes of stitches so couldn't have sat for that long for the travel and rather vainly still looked huge & puffy for weeks afterwards. Isn't the advice for newborns 30 minutes max in a car seat? That might make a long journey really difficult!

Shelby30 · 19/12/2019 17:26

I'm currently trying to stay awake, I have a 3wk old and she is actually very gd, hardly cries, sleeps a lot but I still wouldn't. I've had about 6 hrs sleep but in 2 hr stretches.

They told us at hospital she can't be in the car seat for longer than an hour so that is a lot of stops on a 6 hr journey. She also sometimes doesn't like the car seat 🙈

You will most likely still be bleeding, be exhausted, not fit in to most or any of your normal clothes. I wouldn't even contemplate it.

Figgygal · 19/12/2019 17:30

God no
And don't assume a newborn would be welcome either it's child free

See her another time when youd both have time to enjoy time together you're not getting any in those circumstances

Original poster

surreygirl1987 · 19/12/2019 17:34

Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. An overwhelming no then!! Maybe I am being too unrealistic.

I was actually thinking of stopping off at my parents' house for a night en route (forgot to mention that) as they live roughly half way, so it woild be approx 2 three hour journeys I guess. Would still be horrendous there and back though. And no - she lives in the south west but doesn't actually live by the coast.. They've just picked the location as a 'destination wedding in the UK' type thing I guess, which is totally fine. I thought it was 2 hours max for newborn in carseat but could be wrong - it's been ages since I've checked the guidelines so will have another look.
Looking back I find it hard to remember how horrible it was last time. I know I could barely walk for 2 weeks and had to sit on a ring cushion. I can't remember how long I bled for. I do remember I was exhausted!

Probably won't be going I guess but am very sad about it! I know she will totally understand but I will hate missing out! Ah well.
Thanks again :)

OP posts:

Original poster

surreygirl1987 · 19/12/2019 17:36

@ArlenesWoodBurningStove flying is a good idea and I did look at it but sadly not! Plus all the stuff we'd need to take would make that tough anyway.

And haha - poor us having little savage newborns! How I hope this one is easier!!!

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 19/12/2019 17:40

The invitation says no children around so I wouldn't take my 2 year old to the wedding but obviously I'd explain that I'd need to bring the baby

Nope, it’s a child free wedding! You can’t just decide to bring a baby.

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