Wedding 6 hours away with a 3 week old?

[surreygirl1987]

Just after some advice/ someone to talk this through with.
A good friend of mine is getting married in June. She moved down South a while ago so the wedding is 6 hours away. The trouble is, I am due my second child only a month before the wedding. I haven't told her I'm pregnant yet. My first baby was almost 2 weeks late, so I'm anticipating the possibility of this one being late too. This means that I could have a 3 week old on her wedding day.
My first baby was wild and unmanageable - I could no way have taken him to a wedding as he would have screamed all the way through it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed thst baby 2 is easier!!

The invitation says no children around so I wouldn't take my 2 year old to the wedding but obviously I'd explain that I'd need to bring the baby (I intend to breastfeed again). I was thinkijg we coile grt a self catering cottage nearby, invite the in-laws to come along, and I could pop to and from the wedding as necessary.

My main concern though is the journey. The furthest we drove with my first baby until he was about 8 weeks old was around 45 mins to ikea, and he hated the car so he screamed all the way. I know also that babies can't spend more than 2 hours in a carseat at a time. 6 hours away is so far!!

All I'm saying at the moment are problems and reasons why I shouldn't go... but actually I really really want to. She's a good friend, I've been looking forward to her getting married for ages and she's finally set the date, and it's in a beautiful south west coastal location which could be such a lovely holiday! But I'm just a bit worried about the logistics and my husband thinks it's a terrible idea and keeps reminding me how tough it was last time round.

Would love some advice / opinions / insight. I'm sure she will understand if I decline - but that's not the issue. The issue is I really want to go but am not sure how do-able it would be!!

Many thanks in advance.

Don't go, your friend will understand. It would be too much hassle with such a young baby. Apart from anything else you don't know how you will feel.

If it had been my first, I would have went. He was so sleepy all the time but my dd is just something else so don't count on the second being an easier baby or arriving early.

Depends how good of a friend it was. If it was my best friend then I wouldn't miss it unless dc or I were physically unable to go. I would give a caveat around that though as you can't guarantee you'll make it.

I'm going to go against the grain and say do it. Based on what you have said you can turn it into a holiday and your parents have offered to help. Breaking the journey as you have suggested is a great idea amd makes it all the more do able. She sounds like a good friend and you clearly are keen to go. Sure it will take a bit of planning but it isn't impossible. The advice on babies oj car seats is quite new i think plus i think it's aimed at people who put their babies in car seats every day. I don't think a one off journey with plenty of scheduled breaks is going to be an issue.

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@PotteringAlong thanks but this is not necessarily the case for everyone. Many see a newborn baby as different to an older baby or child who can actually be left with someone else. My own wedding was entirely child-free (hers is having family children only there) but if a close friend had a 3 week old baby of course I wouldn't expect them to not bring them!! It's entirely upto her of course and if she said no then that would settle it! She has a son of her own whom she breastfed for a while so would definitely understand why I would need to bring the baby if I came! It would be at least worth having the conversation with her if i decided to give it a go!

No way. It makes my arse clench thinking about it.

@Normandy144 that's absolutely what I was thinking! Would be a nice change for a holiday. Once we were actually there I think it could be nice. It's just getting there that would be tough. And I guess accommodation would need carefully considering as I would be mortified if my baby kept anyone awake overnight so the wedding hotel is definitely not an option! There are some self catering cottages nearby though which might do the trick... hmmm. Guess I need to talk to my friend.

I wonder how short notice your friend would be okay with about you going?

I theory you could book accommodation that you can cancel with full refund, accept the invitation and plan your journey down there now... and then when your new baby is here and you get the measure of him/her and how you’re feeling you can then decide whether or not to go ahead?

I just think that if you are looking forward to it so much then err on the positive but with a get out of jail free card in case you have Tasmanian Devil II

Yeh that's a pretty good idea actually. I could even offer to cover the cost of our meals if we can't attend as I remember that this was the main issue when guests pulled out last minute when we got married! Thanks :)

We also have a wedding invitation for one week after our baby is due but I know that's ridiculous to think about. And it's my husband's friend not mine, plus it's less than an hour away, so he'll probably just go solo.

i would be happy to have an excuse not to go personally but i am a miserable old witch

For me that would be too far at that age.

I wouldn’t do that journey with a newborn. Aren’t the guidelines now no more than 2 hours in a car seat in a 24 hour period?

One word - nope

@CatToddlerUprising oh is that what it is? Oh dear! If that's the case then there's no way I'd risk it, even if I did stay at my parents' overnight. I thought the advice was simply no more than 2 hours at a time without a decent break, but I could definitely be wrong. I also remember seeing something in the Daily Mail about no.more than 30 mins... but that was the Daily Mail...
Thanks!

I think car seats for babies are no more than 90 mins? The guidelines keep changing.

I personally wouldn’t go just cause you don’t know how you would feel after the baby. Maybe chat with your friend and see if she’d be happy with the baby attending

Here's a BBC link to research suggesting babies under 4 weeks shouldn't be in a car seat for more than 30 mins at a time. That would be a very long journey unless you can get a lie-flat car seat:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-37947841/car-seat-warning-for-infants-on-long-journeys

It includes time spent carrying baby in the car seat or leaving them to sleep in the car seat, not worth the risk to be honest

Nooooooooo

Would honestly not do this.

Yes with newborns the guideline is a break every 30 mins and no more than 2 hours in total in24 hours. It’s because of the curled up position of their spine and neck, inhibiting their ease of breathing if I’ve understood correctly.

I understand you not wanting to miss your friend’s wedding, but if you are there and looking after a new born you might still kind of miss it if that makes any sense at all. I was still in such a baby fog I could barely hold a conversation or concentrate on anything else at that point. You might be present physically but you might not enjoy it?