What are your words of wisdom for three year old stage

[Moominfan]

Twos had its moments but could have been worse. About to turn three and I've noticed a change. Talks back, tells me off, very demanding. What words of advice would you give for getting through this stage?

Be consistent.

It doesn't last forever, just a year... This was the stage I found 'How to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk' started to be useful. Lots of naming emotions for them, 'you must be very angry because you wanted the chocolate' etc, remain calm and consistent, take their feelings seriously, you can't just distract/jolly them out of a funk, so have to be patient. Good luck! They suddenly come out the other side like lovely reasonable cheerful people, I promise!

Be prepared to ask your doctor for some happy pills... or maybe that was just me?

Both my boys have been absolute nightmare three year olds, twos were not too bad but my god three year olds are hideous. My second son is 3 and a half and is such hard work, he’s exhausting - every single thing is a battle. He argues about everything, and I just don’t understand why! Never in his 3 and a half little years has a massive strop made me change my mind when I’ve said something so why does he bother 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Hopefully my daughter will be a nicer 3 year old 😩

Sorry no sage advice from me, but just wanted to say I’m in exactly the same boat: we have endless power struggles with our soon to be three year old at the moment. Managed to ward off his usual morning tantrum today by distraction (gave him breakfast in bed!), and letting him choose his outfit. It may be a complete one off but will keep trying. I’m hoping giving him some choice might ease his frustrations and tantrums!

Gin. Lots of.

Can you tell I currently have a three year old?

Get out of the house as much as possible but find a balance between tiring them out so they go to bed reasonably early and tiring them out too much so they crash out mid afternoon. I haven't got this quite right yet.

Pick your battles and be consistent about the things that really matter eg teeth brushing. My 3 year old regularly leaves the house with his clothes on back to front but he's so proud to have done it himself that it's not worth the upset of re dressing him.

Keep snacks handy at all times. A hangry 3 year old is not to be messed with. Some sort of massive growth spurt going on with my DC1 at the moment.

Take full advantage of any 15/30 hours childcare you are eligible for.

Enjoy the wonderful things that 3 year olds say and the way their imagination develops. Today I was told "Mummy I'm a robot. You be a traffic light". Yesterday he had an imaginary cat

This too shall pass

Pick your battles; try to have yes as your default rather than no.
Give them control over the things they can safely have control over.
They really really aren’t trying to break you (it just feels like it!!) assume best intentions at all times.
They need you & you need space. Think of it as breathing; Plan some time with you (inhale) before you expect them to entertain themselves (exhale) etc
As they get more independent your physical contact can reduce (no nappies to change, less carrying/lifting) so add in more cuddles.

Enjoy; they’re extremely entertaining little lunatics

Pick your battles.

That's what it boils down to.

They’ll be twenty one soon enough and you’ll get dewy eyed remembering that perfect three year old. Sniffs.

I was also going to say choose your battles.

If they don't want to wear jumpers, coats, gloves or hats, don't fight it.
If you think they may change their minds, or if the weather might turn dangerously cold, then bring the warm clothes, then you have them if you need them.

Yeah. Don't make them wear coats. Far better they go out of the house freezing and then put them on.

Your 6 weeks away from the next drama.

centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/child-development/child-development-by-age/#three

Fresh air (helps both of you).

Pick your battles (as everyone has said).

Are they hangry? (Are you hangry?)

Don't give them a massive choice but do give them A choice, so this outfit OR this one. Toast in squares OR triangles.

Give yourself 5 minutes to watch them sleeping because there is nothing more pure.

This too shall pass (and before you know it you will be sitting in bed panicking because they are bringing home their first live in girlfriend for a visit and THAT is terrifying because you are no longer their world.). (Lord help me I didn't realise the adult phase would be hard also).

Good luck, it may not be forever but I remember it was very hard!

Pick your battles.

It will all seem like a piece of piss in a few years when the teenage battles commence. Give me a pre-schooler any day :D

All that behaviour is a developmental stage. It's not you, it's them. They have to do it. (saying the same thing to myself now with the teens and tweens) . Once you accept that they kick off because developmentally they need to kick off, its much easier to not take it personally, to be a bit zen, not try to make it alright for them and ride it out.

I tell myself on repeat this child shalt not break me then pour myself a stiff drink.

When my son was aged 2 - 4 I found him soooo difficult. No matter what we did, hours at the beach, climbing trees in the woods, playing in the park whatever he was constantly on the go, seemed cross and bossy all the time. I felt like he didn't enjoy our time together. He did of course, just didn't understand that we had to go home and eat and sleep at sometime, we couldn't stay out all night! I struggled to see that and was wracked with guilt that I was 'doing it wrong' - other people's kids seemed so much more chilled and easy.

Similar to what cherry said, he's 17 now. Gorgeous, happy, doing well... but God I miss that Little Boy who depended on me for everything. I miss watching his little face sleeping and his absolute joy running up and down sandhills at the beach.

It passes. Quickly. Loads of great practical advice on here but please try to take a step back and enjoy him as much as you can. Sorry if I sound like I'm lecturing you, I don't mean to! If he's asleep now, stick your head in and have a look at him 👣💜

Give yourself 5 minutes to watch them sleeping because there is nothing more pure.

In the words of the fabulous Tim Minchin

“One thing they don't mention in the parenting books:
Your love for them grows, the closer to dead they look”

Thank you everyone some lovely advice on here xx

NeedanExpert

There's a reason Tim Minchin is my go to man for words of truth!

Wow what a lovely thread, great advice. I agree with it all! Currently reading the book How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen which I'd recommend. My 3 year old turns 4 next week and he'll miraculously become an angel, right?!

Another recommendation for ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’. Also all the gin...

My DD1 is three but there seems to be no problems at all and haven't been since she was born. She's an absolute angel but my brother says it means she'll be a devil when she's a teenager so I guess we'll see if that's true! My twins, two years old, seem to be in their terrible two phase. DD2 is insistent on doing everything herself, which is fine until she tries to make her own drinks when I'm trying to feed the triplets or do a wash. She refuses to let me wash her hair so we have a big argument every time she gets a bath where she has to wash it, so my sister now has to come in the bathroom for moral support so I don't back down and just let her leave it! DD3 is insistent on knowing everything. It's always why, where, when, what, who, how, and it's exhausting. She's fascinated by dora and is now determined to learn spanish and travel the world so we'll see how long that lasts! My trips are nearly three months so no problems yet but I'm praying that they're all easy because getting tag-teamed by two kids is enough, but three will sweep me off my feet!
All I can really say is persevere. Rant to your family, pick your battles, have a drink when they're in bed and take time to yourself. Remember that you're doing an amazing job and it'll all get easier over time.

Just stop being so naughty!!

I am a very naughty mummy apparently. It’s TERRIBLE!

I’ve been doing a lot of the ‘naming emotions’ stuff and we have a book about it (‘I can see you’re feeling sad’ etc) and tbh the only effect of that has been him yelling ‘I AM VERY ANGRY MUMMY!’

At the moment my son refuses to wear t-shorts and won’t leave the house without a fleece hoodie. We live in the United Arab Emirates. He will bake like a potato.

Lower your standards.