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Original poster

advice newborn

36 replies

Hopex3 · 16/12/2019 11:54

hi all,

my daughter is 3 weeks old. I of course am not naive and have slowly got used to sleepless nights and can handle being woken every 1-3 hours. however recently, say last weekish, when she has woken between 1 and 3 am she has become incredibly hard to settle. crying and fussing constantly no matter what I do, constant nappy changes, constant feeding, walking around, white noise machine, winding and she cries and squeals. this whole process can go on for up to 4/5 hours - the other night it was from half 2 until half 7. from what I've seen babies this age are not able to stay awake longer than 2 hours at a time so what on earth is this all about and why this particular time every night!?

anyone have any insight/advice on how to settle her a bit quicker as this is obviously a huge portion of the night. sounds really bad but I'm concerned about Christmas day too as me and partner will be shattered and probably sleep the whole way through which wont be ideal! should add I EBF however I dont think this is the issue as like i said not bothered about the constant wake ups just this huge chunk at night where I cant get her back down.

thanks! x

OP posts:

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/12/2019 13:25

possible Colic? Have you tried Infacol? For what its worth, I was told newborns sleep all the time and then within the first week my LO was awake for 9hrs straight. The constant feeding is normal, again I was told they feed every 2/3 hrs...nope mine barely went 30mins without wanting to go back on the boob.

Selfsettling3 · 16/12/2019 15:05

Cosleeping is my only advice when it comes to sleeping.

katmarie · 16/12/2019 15:33

Try infacol before the feed and gripe water after, and lots of winding. My DD is 7 weeks and always has one feed overnight where she has really tricky trapped wind, it takes ages to get it up. Also, consider a dummy. I know a lot of bf babies dont like them and people worry about nipple confusion, but it seems to help my dd. I think she wants to comfort feed but gets very full and gets wind and, I think, tummy ache. The dummy seems to avoid that.

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Original poster

Hopex3 · 17/12/2019 07:02

it's getting worse - since half 9 last night she has slept for an hour and a half and that wasnt at once. she has just been crying and fussing whole time I can handle the broken sleep. it not sure how to stay awake literally all night

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/12/2019 07:05

Sorry OP- maybe she’ll crash out today and you can sleep too

ememem84 · 17/12/2019 07:07

She might be going through a developmental leap. Download the wonder weeks app.

That said it could be wind. Ds did this to me when he was little (he’s 2 now) I sat up with him all night before finally giving in at 5am and handing him to dh (asleep in our spare room because he had work) and announcing that he needed to “take this. He’s being a prick” (ds....) dh burped him. Something I’d not managed to do and the little bugger drifted off to sleep.

Buttercup53 · 17/12/2019 07:10

It could be wind but I’m always surprised on these threads that more people aren’t aware of the period of purple crying. Google that phrase, babies start at around 2 weeks old and it’ll finish between 3-5 months. It’s developmentally normal.

mummyduckduck · 17/12/2019 07:22

Is she gaining weight ok? Might be worth looking at her latch in case she isn't taking as much milk as she wants, and still feels hungry.

Not unusual though I'm afraid. Best of luck mummy.

Original poster

Hopex3 · 17/12/2019 07:22

I know about purple crying and colic but 12 hours seems excessive even for that. gonna ring health visitor later and see what they suggest. not being dramatic but I feel so weak I physically am struggling to pick her up and hold her properly which is dangerous. like I said not naive I knew sleep deprivation was going to come but I'm concerned about this trend especially tonight, and where I've been told newborns should be sleeping around 18 hours a day - I am getting nowhere near that which can't be healthy for her

OP posts:

ememem84 · 17/12/2019 08:06

@Buttercup53 I’d never heard of the term purple crying! Just had to look it up now. Dd definitely went through that phase (she’s 4.5 months now) but I didn’t know there was a name for it! Learn something new every day...

Sweetpeach3 · 17/12/2019 08:22

Il be honest my little girl was a lot worse then this
She was my second and I was horrified at how bad she was. Even my parents were in shock when I stayed their with her to get my mums help as I was so drained

She would scream historical and blue murder 90% of the time an I was lucky to get 2 hours sleep of a night if that. Only way she would settle is swinging her in my arms and I mean swinging as if I was about to "throw her out the window" like you pretend with the other kids lol only way I can discribe how she settled?? But their was really no give. Coleman, infacol, gaviscon. Even medicated milk from the doctors. You name it didn't work

This was pretty much from the get go and she did kill me off.... doctors thought colic, reflux and milk intolerance when investigated but
At first they kept fobbing me off but I knew it wasn't right but eventually at 5 months she was diagnosed with colic and reflux and they was both really bad!

What I'm saying is if you know it isn't right then don't let them fob you off. By the time I got to see a Pediatrician she was near enough fully weaned and on normal milk (I got told do this so early as it would help the reflux and colic) so she wasn't on the medicine for long....

Buttercup53 · 17/12/2019 13:12

@ememem84 that’s what I meant, I’ve mentioned it to a few people after my health visitor told me about it and they had no idea about it. It helped me a lot when my DS was tiny to know that they can sometimes be inconsolable for hours at a time so I try and share it where I can.

MamaDane · 17/12/2019 13:28

Our twins have been colicky from 2 weeks which peaked around 9 weeks, screaming from 6 pm to 2 am every day 🤪

There's a chance she's allergic to something you're eating, like dairy. Try cutting out different foods. Dairy, gluten, chocolate, strawberries. Etc. One at a time and see if it helps.

Otherwise it could be that she's overtired or overstimulated? Do you have a lot of visitors? Have you already put her on a playmat (you should wait until she's 2-3 months)?

For us, carriers helped, Doing walks with the pram, Letting them calm down by sleeping on our tummies (not advisable but we were desperate).

For some the Nonomo Swinging Hammock is super helpful. In fact we just ordered ours, a rental, to see if it helps our twins.

But the best advice I think I can give you is just to hang in there. It doesn't last forever. After all, you at least don't see adults screaming for hours on end like that

Good luck and congratulations on your little girl.

YahooGmail · 17/12/2019 13:32

Hi OP we went through similar, it's extremely tough. After 8 hours straight of screaming/crying and 48 hours of zero sleep, we brought her to a&e. They couldn't find anything, but it's always worth checking as that level of crying is excessive in my opinion. They put it down to reflux, which gets particularly bad at night. It could be due to a dairy intolerance so if you're ebf you could try going dairy free even until she's a few months old

Original poster

Hopex3 · 17/12/2019 13:43

yeah I was starting to get concerned - she finally went to sleep about half 8 this morning. not sure whether to see how she gets on tonight or ring health visitor and see if they have any advice. I feel sorry for her as well as it makes me think something is bothering her but then she will generally go down at times during the day so not sure what it is about night time that she struggles with so much. what do people think about dummies? shes a very good feeder and is over 3 weeks old so I dont think it will mess up feeding just not sure if it's worth doing. I am not sure if at night she is constantly feeding for hunger or comfort and a dummy could help here

OP posts:

Original poster

Hopex3 · 17/12/2019 13:44

that's the other thing, during the day feeding will drift her off (normally) but at night she'll want to go on then start thrashing about and throw herself off and cry then want to go back on it's all a bit confusing

OP posts:

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 17/12/2019 14:46

I'd go to A&E OP. Not because it's an emergency, but because that's where the paediatricians are. I'd go during the day on a weekday and get baby seen, fully expecting to just leave with infant gaviscon for potential reflux. 12 hours of inconsoleable crying is unusual and I'd bet you'd feel calmer at 3am knowing baby is physically fine.

Be cautious about self-diagnosing an allergy. If you're breastfeeding you need the calories and there are a number of possibilities to explore before cow's milk protein allergy. Another restriction probably isn't what you neee in life now, either!

Hang in there, you're doing an amazing job

YahooGmail · 17/12/2019 17:48

Thrashing about at night is definitely a sign of reflux. And most reflux babies find a lot of comfort in dummies. Not sure how it affects bf though sorry, mine was ff

Yetanotherwinter · 17/12/2019 19:41

If you’re that tired you can hardly pick her up then please don’t co sleep. It’s extremely dangerous and poor advice to give you @Selfsettling3

Tefiti2 · 17/12/2019 19:53

Hi @Hopex3 my DD went through exactly the same as this from week 2 onwards - even down to the thrashing about at night and inconsolable crying for hours, it was absolutely heartbreaking. Has her latch been checked? For us, it turned out to be undiagnosed posterior tongue tie which meant she was taking in lots of air and not enough milk, the air built up during the day and caused the screaming. Once the tongue tie was snipped she fed really well and the inconsolable screaming stopped!

Original poster

Hopex3 · 17/12/2019 20:08

Yetanotherwinter - I wouldn't co sleep anyway, I'm too paranoid about it. gonna try a dummy and have been told she may have her days/nights mixed up as she generally sleeps okay during the day. been given some tips on how to try and encourage this but been told it can last the initial few weeks.

Tefiti2 - that's interesting - I'm gonna see how she goes tonight and get her weighed tomorrow see how shes doing and if it happens again tonight where she is fussing all night I'll get her checked out make sure nothing is going on untoward x

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worriedmama1980 · 17/12/2019 20:42

We had worse unfortunately, though starting a bit later- awake from midnight till 6, the only way I survived was my husband holding her 9-12 so I got some sleep and taking her for 90 min before work. I was like a zombie for 6 months.

Sleep consultant (at 4 months) made me keep a detailed diary: what I ate, what we did, when she slept, what she was doing. Looked through it and said, this is clearly medical, and I looked the my food diary and saw the problem with dairy. She was medicated for reflux, I changed my diet, but it still took till 9 months for her sleep to change: I honestly think her tummy was unhappy and she just needed the muscles to develop to a certain point.

It's really, really hard. Little things were the difference between the day being possible and not. Someone to walk her for an hour, the few hours sleep my husband got me, the time to have a hot shower. I physically adapted but looking back it was insane. However, you will get through it, it's almost certainly a phase at 3 weeks, but we spent such a long time waiting for her to grow out of it we missed the medical problems and I'd recommend a diary now so you can rule things out and identify patterns because you'll be too tired to do it otherwise.

MaxwellMama · 17/12/2019 22:14

I also have a 3-week old and could have written this post myself a few nights ago! The solution turned out to be simple for us - we think he was just getting a little too chilly at night as even though we had the heating on our bedroom never gets very toasty. We’re sleeping in the lounge on a sofa bed now as it stays nice and warm in there, and he’s sleeping sooooo much better! Maybe worth a try having the heating a bit warmer and see how you get on!
We also got a dummy which doesn’t totally stop the crying but certainly seems to soothe him and send him to sleep quicker.
Good luck!

MillitantMargo · 19/01/2020 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Hopex3 · 20/01/2020 04:56

MillitantMargo pardon? how obsessed do you need to be to go onto my other threads and comment lol. secondly it does make sense when you take into account I quite clearly was not with the biological father at both times - this is 2020 not everything is black and white. go find someone else to harass, how weird are you

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