Two week old - absolutely zero routine

[TowelStripes]

I'm not a ftm although you'd be forgiven for thinking it as I can't remember anything from when my first was this small, and she's only 18 months old now.

My baby is 2 weeks and has zero routine. Sometimes feeds every 90 mins, sometimes goes 3 hours without a feed. Sleeps long periods in the day and is up frequently at night. I try to keep her alert between feeds in the day but he's just sparko!

Looking online, loads of websites suggest I should be able to be on a bit of a routine now with regular feeding times and even 'naps'. What am I doing wrong?

We swaddle at night, low lights in the evening, minimal talking, nappy changes when necessary. Not waking to feed (back to birth weight).

During the day, radio on, lights on, loud toddler banging around!

Am I cocking this up?

unfortunately he just wants to sleep all day and so having him in the sling doesn't help him have any awake time while I'm wearing him.

But at 2 weeks old, sleeping pretty much all day is normal. Forcing ‘awake time’ at this stage is just going to leave you with a crotchety, wailing baby.

I know it’s so much harder the second time round when you have a toddler to see to as well and you can’t just lie on the couch and rest while the baby sleeps. But it’s all very normal, and you’re not doing anything wrong by just following your baby’s cues.

DS was like this and I did manage to establish routine by 6 weeks. People will say they don't need a routine - but honestly with an 18 month old toddler I needed a routine so I could get some sleep. He wanted to sleep all day & would perk up about 4pm and want to stay up til 1am.
I used to still get him up at 7 regardless of how much sleep he'd had & tried my best to keep him awake mid morning and early afternoon. Just carried on and after a few weeks he got into the swing of things.
No way would I have coped if I had not got him into going to bed at a normal time. I would say keep going. I don't think it's actually safe to get no sleep when you're in charge of a toddler plus a newborn.

@converseandjeans

tried my best to keep him awake mid morning and early afternoon.

How did you do this? What worked? I've tried the last few days to do this so his long sleep isn't between 1pm and 6pm but like a PP, I just can't keep him awake!

@converseandjeans

Odds are he'd have done that anyway,

'When your baby will start to sleep longer
At 6 to 8 weeks of age, most babies begin to sleep for shorter periods during the day and longer periods at night, though most continue to wake up to feed during the night. They also have shorter periods of REM sleep, and longer periods of deep, non-REM sleep.'

www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-basics-birth-to-3-months_7654.bc

I think just talking to him - making sure he wasn't too cosy - prodding him
I know lots of people will think this is awful but he was a really happy baby & once he was going to bed at normal time used to sleep really well. He rarely cried as a baby.
I think the health and well-being of Mum is so often overlooked. I was still really tired.

6 - 8 weeks is when they start having a think about not being nocturnal.
Whatever websites you've been reading are nonsense re the 2 week thing.
You're doing a great job and congratulations!

theclaus not sure about that. DD was in routine from day 1 with little effort. I think he would have carried on napping all afternoon if he'd had the chance! On MN there are people with 3yo who still don't sleep through.
It was hard work tbh trying to get timings so they both napped same two hours at lunch & both went to bed similar time.

Please cut yourself some slack you are doing nothing wrong!

but unlike previous posters, I do believe or my health visitor suggested to me that you can make minor changes:

that lots of babies get confused between day and night and awake all night and asleep all day.

and what you can do is just try gently - introduce in a few gentle routinely type things over a few days?

and try and cut down the daytime sleeping down a little bit during the day so that you can flip that over to sleeping more at night.

this is actually quite hard work, but you do just TRY And stop him sleeping quite so much during the day - you know maybe jiggle them a bit more or not let them nap quite so long, and actually wake them up a little bit - not majorly just a tiny bit to try and flip that coin between day and night.

and the rest of the things will fall into place - maybe start a gentle bedtime routine : maybe a bath and settling down with a feed before bed?

all those kind of things they might help a little bit ?

but please don't get stressed over it!!

www.preciouslittlesleep.com/are-you-making-these-baby-sleep-mistakes/

Here you go, OP.

Literally none of that works here! Tried it all. Even when he does stir, it's straight back to sleep again.

It doesn't help that he seems to gulp at the boob and has terrible wind which he struggles to bring up. He cries a lot after feeds and I'm totally frazzled.

On MN there are people with 3yo who still don't sleep through.

Different issue entirely.

My baby is two weeks old today and we are no where near a routine. Midwives and HV have also said that we can’t expect one any time soon.

I like the comment above about observing patterns at 6 weeks and thinking about routines at 12. That feels realistic.

Good luck. I am a first time mum and can’t imagine doing it with a toddler so hats off to you.

What websites are saying a two week old should be in a routine?

I’m sure your health visitor would say the same as the posters here.

He doesn't walk in the door at 6pm every night or have weekends off etc. He works a rotating shift pattern

I get that, I understand the concept of shifts. In fact I don’t know a single person who walks in the door from work every day at 6pm. ( I’m sure there are some, I just don’t know any).

I’m simply saying that as he’s on rotating shift pattern and your baby is not yet in any pattern, he will be able to care for either the baby or the toddler when he’s off work, whenever that is, as it’s more than likely that one of them will be awake or there will be chores to do.

Mums who work shifts still manage to do some housework and parenting so it’s quite possible for dads too.

You mean your first baby didn't do this?!

I’d love to know which websites are peddling such tosh about 2 weeks old having a routine. FFS, talk about setting mothers up to feel like they’re failing. So helpful.....

OP, I will just echo the others. He sounds perfectly normal, and will likely get into a routine by himself and will know day from night in a few weeks. I appreciate this is a really hard point, though, especially with a young toddler, so

Honestly OP, I reckon you will feel a lot better if you let it go a bit. I suspect a lot of what is going on now is the newborn combination of shock, exhaustion and hormones. It's all normal but it doesn't mean it isn't really hard.

I got myself in a right tizz with DS1 because he just WOULD NOT follow the stupid routine the book said he should follow. I actually started to get really depressed about it because if all these other babies were doing it then I must have been doing something wrong. I wasn't, DS1 just knew his own mind (still does!)

In the end I stopped trying and everything got a bit easier. Yes it would have been brilliant if I could have got a routine going earlier but the "failure" to establish a routine ended up doing me more damage than the lack of routine itself if that makes sense!

In the end a pattern did start to emerge (morning nap, post lunch nap, bedtime) and I just went with it.

With DS2 I've been much more relaxed and I'm sure it's helping. Could you try things like a post lunch walk to encourage a nap? Might not make much difference now but as the baby gets older it might? Plus fresh air always helps!

You're not doing anything wrong, it will get easier. This is the eye of the storm!

@UnderHisEyeBall, I'm sure she did but I've clearly blocked out the first few months of my first borns life.

@IM0GEN, you seem weirdly aggressive and patronising about my husband not stepping up. I have zero concerns about him pulling his weight. He has both kids when he can so I can sleep, is doing the housework, cooking and washing. I am quite aware mums can parent and work shifts as when not on mat leave, I actually do it so thanks for reminding me 🙄

Thanks to everyone for their comments that I'm probably expecting too much in these early days, it's been really positive to be reminded. Thank you!