Two week old - absolutely zero routine

[TowelStripes]

I'm not a ftm although you'd be forgiven for thinking it as I can't remember anything from when my first was this small, and she's only 18 months old now.

My baby is 2 weeks and has zero routine. Sometimes feeds every 90 mins, sometimes goes 3 hours without a feed. Sleeps long periods in the day and is up frequently at night. I try to keep her alert between feeds in the day but he's just sparko!

Looking online, loads of websites suggest I should be able to be on a bit of a routine now with regular feeding times and even 'naps'. What am I doing wrong?

We swaddle at night, low lights in the evening, minimal talking, nappy changes when necessary. Not waking to feed (back to birth weight).

During the day, radio on, lights on, loud toddler banging around!

Am I cocking this up?

You’re not! No one I know of in real life had a routine by this age. Google 4th trimester-it helped me.

2 weeks is barely any time at all. Things fall into place in a few more weeks/months. Just keep going

Nope, you are doing a fab job. This is totally normal, ignore the 'websites'. They will find their own routine when they are ready, and it may not look like anyone else's, or it has to fit round the toddler, and that's OK.

2 weeks old? With a routine? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

(By the way, that’s not me laughing at you, that’s the sound my now 3 year old who laughed in the face of anything remotely resembling a routine for months and months... My second on the other hand is infinitely more predictable - but only in the past few weeks - she’s now 9 weeks old)

Don’t worry OP, you’re doing great!

You’re not cocking anything up. She’s brand spanking new and has no idea what she’s doing here. Be kind to yourself, routine will come in time.

He just literally feeds whenever, sometimes 5 minutes, sometimes 20 mins, sometimes asleep for hours, other times up between feeds. I just don't know what's going on.I'll look at the 4th trimester. I just feeling like maybe I'm not trying hard enough to have a routine and it would soooo help with toddler if he could sleep at the same times!

No you are not!

2 week old babies don’t even know they’re not still inside you, let alone what day/night is. Google the 4th trimester and it should shed some light on the situation.

Just keep going with what baby wants and a routine will gradually fall into place over the next few weeks and months. Congrats!

Thanks everyone. Sorry, cross posted with you all. That has helped enormously.

It's bloody hard, isn't it.

I think you’re asking a bit much of a newborn to sleep at the same time as a toddler. Maybe in a few months time.

2 week olds don't have routines. It is very much just go with the flow and find what works for you. What you are doing sounds just right.

People might write books and articles about what newborns should and shouldn't be doing but the babies haven't read them so carry on just as they please. 😂

Congratulations on your new baby.

Congratulations!
A 2 week old doesn’t need or understand a routine. He just needs you.
He’s a tiny baby who will feed and sleep when he needs to, not when a book says he should.

She's two weeks old! Mine started figuring day and night out about four weeks. Actual bedtime routine is still a work in progress at six months - he coups at eight but wakes up at eleven and sings merrily at the ceiling for hours .

His dad was apparently the exact same. I wish MIL had warned me!

You're definitely not cocking it up, I have never met or heard of a 2 week old in any sort of routine. I think you could start introducing a bedtime routine from around 2-3 months.

@MustardScreams: not at the same times as the toddler. Same time of the day each day...

What you are doing wrong is reading these articles on websites and believing them.

Is the father of either child still around ? If so, get them to look after the toddler when they are not at work.

I'm only just getting into something resembling a (fairly relaxed) routine now and DS2 is 7 months! DS1 is 3 and we've just rolled with it to be honest.

You will get there in the end but honestly there is no point at all at this stage, you'll just make yourself feel crap when you try to impose a routine and it doesn't work. In a few weeks things will get easier!

No way at two weeks!

Around six weeks you might start to observe patterns (observe not control) but I’d say 12 weeks before it’s worth making any attempt at routine (some say 8).

Baby wear and he can nap when he pleases while you get on.

@IM0GEN, yes he is but works difficult and irregular shifts so that's not really helping. We are also not hugely getting on well at the minute (hopefully just lack of sleep) so that's additional stress.

@TheClausSeason: unfortunately he just wants to sleep all day and so having him in the sling doesn't help him have any awake time while I'm wearing him.

@Sunshinegirl82: I do feel crap. I think you're right.

2 week olds don't have routines, you go by them until they start feeding sleeping less then start a routine.

Sounds like difficult and irregular shifts will fit in well with your baby’s pattern then .

And him not getting on with you isn’t a good enough reason for him not to care for his own children. Don’t let him off the hook because he’s tired when you are tired too.

Start the way you mean to go on.

I've had 3 DC's. What you're describing is entirely normal. Tiny babies do whatever tiny babies want to do. Some new babies will naturally follow some kind of patten. Others are all over the place.

When my DC's were a few weeks old, I genuinely has bugger all influence over them. I remember with dc1, I couldn't get her to wake up during the day time at all. I once resorted to taking all her clothes off and putting her outside in the rain to try to get her awake to feed She opened and eye, I whipped her back indoors asap at which point she immediately went back to sleep for the next 3 hours (and was awake the whole night). Aaagh!

As they get older you can begin to influence them, bit at 2 weeks it's very much just going with the flow. It can be really, really hard.

unfortunately he just wants to sleep all day and so having him in the sling doesn't help him have any awake time while I'm wearing him.

He doesn't need to though... As long as he's eating enough, just let him sleep.

@IM0GEN: he is caring for hours children, mainly the 18 month old, but it's that he is not physically here regularly. He doesn't walk in the door at 6pm every night or have weekends off etc. He works a rotating shift pattern.

A typical newborn will sleep for 17 hours a day. At that age, mine was only really awake when she was feeding and at night (newborns are also largely nocturnal).