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screaming all night

33 replies

Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 06:32

hi all,

hardly a new query but my newborn has been screaming and crying from about 1 this morning. I am absolutely exhausted and unsure what to do. the only time she stops is when she is laying on me feeding. wont let me put her in her moses basket or she is screaming. are the next to me cribs helpful for this kind of thing or will it just be same issue as she still wont actually be on me. partner cant help as he looses his temper and just leaves me to deal with it. 5 and a half hours does feel a bit excessive to be non stop screaming :(

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Thesuzle · 06/12/2019 06:39

HI
Is she full of wind, try the aeroplane pose as we called it way back when
Lay baby tummy down on your forearm and rub her back.
Also after this swaddle,

thefluffysideofgrey · 06/12/2019 06:41

How new?

Bottle or breast?

My DS did this for the first couple of weeks. Solution was putting him to the breast or in a sling. Forth trimester approach is worth googling

SundayMorningSun · 06/12/2019 06:49

Agree that wind/needing a big poo could be the problem. Try lots of different positions in turn to help the wind out - along your forearm, against you looking over your shoulder, held sitting up, on back and bicycle legs.

Alternatively, is the sucking soothing? Have you tried a dummy or letting her suck on your little finger (nail down, at the top of her mouth)? They showed us the latter trick in hospital.

Our baby likes a bit of singing too - she likes the vibration if she's against someone's chest.

Your husband sounds like a charmer, though - why isn't he getting hold of himself and doing his share? Really the only way to cope with a screamy baby is taking turns.

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Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 06:58

I really am quite cross with my partner- hes been great in other ways but with the sleeping thing it's been crap. he gets pretty much his usual during the night bar occasionally having to wake up to change her nappy as I had a c section and we dont have anywhere to change her at height so I'm unable to bend down to the floor atm. she is only young - nearly 2 weeks - but it has worried me that she has screamed all night. I'm just concerned I will fall asleep with her on me which terrifies me as I know how dangerous this is. my partner was horrid a few hours ago, just like why is she fucking crying you're gonna have to ring someone then took her off me then gave her straight back saying I cant deal with her when shes like that. feel really sad for her as it's not her fault :( I already feel really weepy and sore from the surgery but this lack of sleep on top really is harsh x

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thefluffysideofgrey · 06/12/2019 07:01

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

thefluffysideofgrey · 06/12/2019 07:03

I had a section too.

I got a next to me crib. Partner went into spare room. Had nappy change gear on the bed.

That and followed the above guidelines for co sleeping.

beggingforsleep · 06/12/2019 07:06

@Hopex3 you poor thing. That sounds really tough. Agree with PP that it could be wind. Does she always burp after a feed?

My first was really hard to put down at night. She'd only settle on one of us for the first few weeks. What we found worked best was sleeping in shifts. It meant whoever was up with her knew that there was an end in sight and they would get sleep eventually. Would your partner be more inclined to help if he knew it was for a limited amount of time so you can get some rest?

itshappened · 06/12/2019 07:06

I found most crying at this stage was due to trapped wind. Sometimes my daughter would need winding for over an hour to get it out, so don't underestimate how much winding is required. When really bad a warm bath sometimes helped her relax in the middle of the night.

PennysPocket · 06/12/2019 07:08

Oh OP you poor thing.

As others have said it's most likely wind so has she burped after her feeds and had a poo?
It's so distressing as they can't tell you what's wrong.
Happened to me when DS was a week old and I so asked the HV the next day convinced I had broken him!
I hadn't it really was just wind.

As for DH you need to have a serious conversation with him about his anger towards his newborn baby and you. It would I am sorry to say make me very distrustful of him and question my childs safety around him.

gonewiththerain · 06/12/2019 07:17

Crying for hours is not normal, ds was like this and I was constantly fobbed off with wind.
It may be wind try infacol or gripe water, it may be reflux try propping one end of the Moses basket up the midwives told me to put a towel under the head end between the basket and the large coffee table it was on, or it could be cmpa which is special formula or cutting out dairy if bf.
I also had a c section
I put the changing mat on top of a chest of drawers for the first few weeks

If the screaming continues please don’t be fobbed off as I was, record her screaming and the length of time she screams for. Ds was 7 months before anyone took any notice !

GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/12/2019 07:19

We had this with my DD when she was about 5 weeks. It took about 2 hours of winding her before she'd settle.

If that doesn't work pop out and get some Infacol. It worked wonders for wind (although it did constipate DD.

Don't swaddle her. This goes against guidelines now as baby's can easily overheat.

Honestly I'd ask your husband to stay elsewhere tonight.
Baby's cry. If he can't tolerate that he needs to leave you to it because he'll only make you feel worse.

foxatthewindow · 06/12/2019 07:25

Like PP said it could be something like wind, or it could be something else. Does she feel hot/have a fever? If she does you’ll need to get her looked at, possibly by a&e, if no fever maybe get a gp to look her over. It’s likely nothing, but small babies don’t have many ways to show us they are unwell and non stop screaming is one of them

Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 07:28

my mum has offered to pick me up when she finishes work and keep an eye on baby whilst I have a little nap in her bed - this atleast gives me something to look forward to. this is why I'm cross with my partner too, I was clearly shattered and in tears myself as I felt so sorry for my daughter not knowing why she was screaming and admittedly a bit for myself as no sleep. he had a go at me for being impatient when I asked him to help me do her nappy as he was ignoring me for about half hour, just kept saying that why is she fuckint crying stuff and the whole he cant handle her when shes like that I just felt so sorry for her. might have to get my midwife to show me how to wind her properly as thinking about it she was super squirmy and arching her back etc. can this cause discomfort to them to the point of them screaming??

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Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 07:31

also no fever, she has settled now next to me but still not in her crib - I dont really want to try put her in there now as feel like she needs comfort after all that screaming and still feel sorry for her after what my partner was like even tho I know she'd be oblivious :(

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PennysPocket · 06/12/2019 07:33

Can this cause discomfort to them to the point of them screaming??

Yes. If she is arching her back it is usually a sign of wind. It's basically causing her discomfort and pain plus she will be tired too and the only way she can express this is by crying.
Go to your mums and speak to hv about winding.

GreenTulips · 06/12/2019 07:39

It might be wind or heart burn

If it’s heart burn you need to keep her propped up after each feed and not lie her flat, pillow under the mattress helps raise head above stomach - use a pillow for balky changes. Some children’s stomach muscle don’t close property til later making acid sep into the throat. Which the milk will soothe.

For wind place the baby upright with your boob in her stomach, lift their legs and use circle motions and patting in the back. This might take half an hour

SundayMorningSun · 06/12/2019 07:43

Arching her back does sound like wind -yes, it really hurts them, unfortunately.

Sounds like your husband needs a bit of a serious chat - even from the midwife or HV if you need some support. The book "your baby week by week" really helped us in setting expectations - it told is that a few hours of crying can be normal at this age. He needs to understand that this is part of the deal, and it's not somehow easier for you.

The next to me cribs are great, because you can keep a hand on their stomach to comfort them. We really like our snuzpod.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/12/2019 07:46

OP there are some good YouTube videos with winding techniques

Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 07:52

I try sit her up after feeding but by the sounds of it I'm not doing it enough or for long enough. its frustrating as well cos my partners mum actually did get us a next to me crib but the straps are missing :( she said she has ordered some more and theyll be 2 weeks but the website she got them from looks a little dodgy. I'd happily buy a new one as I wanted a next to me one the whole time I was pregnant but partner says its a waste of money and should just wait and see if the straps arrive or not. easy for him to say! it makes me sad and a little despairing when she is screaming but never angry as I know she csnt help it. his attitude this morning has made me look at him a bit differently now. hes not even sleep deprived as he leaves her with me all night as I said so but worrying he canr cope 5 mins into her screaming

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GiveHerHellFromUs · 06/12/2019 07:59

Are you rubbing and patting her back too? They need a lot of winding for the first few week and sitting them up isn't enough until they learn how to burp themselves.

Is he always a useless dick?
Is he still on paternity leave?

You need to have a serious conversation. Tell him that his reactions scare you and you feel you can't trust him with the baby.
He needs to fix up and fast.
You've been through the most intense two weeks of your life and he can't even hold a crying baby for an hour for you to nap.

Newmumma83 · 06/12/2019 08:07

Send your husband to a 24 hour boots for infracol .

Defno sounds like wind, my son suffered awfully with it , I had to re adjust expectation in terms of his re settling and it is awful ( with a husband that gets stuck in and let you sleep for part of the night )

Keeping him upright for a minimum one hour after each feed , gently rubbing back, if you lay them down and still uncomfortable rub tummy in circular motions or down the full length of back ( sometimes I used to play son on side so I could do the latter it would give him some relief. )

When old enough gripe water used to come into it.

I have heard if it’s formula that changing formula may work but you don’t want to do it too often as can also upset tummies.

If your breast feeding it’s a case of seeing if there is something your eating that’s upsetting them.

Me and husband after 3 weeks of flapping finally figured out a routine ( based on him being back at work ) I would sleep from about 8pm -10pm while he has son to give me some charge for the night , then if he could depending if he was working from home he would have him 4am - 8am .. so effectively we would both get roughly 6 hours ( sometimes I didn’t get the end bit but the first two hours were a godsend anyhow )

Sometimes I would just go down stairs stir in a chair and have him in my tummy and kinda pat and rub him while watching a film or two ... as I had already napped i was in a good place to not sleep.

My husbands logic was I was looking after our son who is extremely precious having me dangerously over tired was not acceptable as that’s when accidents happen

You husband is prob feeling a little useless but he is more useless having a paddy rather than helping out

Big hugs op your doing great and this too shall pass ( it gets so much better )

EgremontRusset · 06/12/2019 08:26

We attached crib to the bed with bungee cords, you could try that til the straps arrive? Or check the safety guidelines (duvet etc) and just have her in your bed.

Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 08:27

we were doing shifts initially but he is going back to work on Monday and so was hoping to be able to get her down herself so I am able to nap during the day whilst she does. little bit concerned about this as not sure where I'm going to get any kind of respite - this is why I'm tempted to just buy a new next to me crib. it's my money and me that is not getting any sleep not him or his mum. she settles fibe laid down next to me. I know there is the risk she still may not settle but at this point I'll try anything - would also help my recovery as I wouldn't have to get up to feed her. he done it on Tuesday aswell and I had to get him to tske me to my mama as he was shouting with her in the car - his excuse was he had only had 4 hours sleep. I'd give anything to have 4 hours sleep uninterrupted right now!!

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Hopex3 · 06/12/2019 08:30

unfortunately I suffer with quite severe anxiety so I dont think I'd settle with anything other than proper straps :( I'm sceptical they are even coming if I'm honest the website looked a bit dodgy and said they were only compatible with certain makes of the next to me cribs ahh

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coffeeforone · 06/12/2019 08:46

This sounds really tough OP. I think a lot of newborns are like this (mine both were). Could you get some reassurance from your midwife on safe co-sleeping? That was the only way I could get mine to settle in the first few months, they needed to be really close to me or they'd just wake up screaming, regardless of wind.

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