3year old normal behavior?

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My little girl is 3 she was always a hard baby she was colic and reflux, always so hard constantly crying but competly hyper she was crawling at 5months climbed out of her cot at 10 months .. now at the age of 3 shes worse then ever, shes competly full on , cannot sit still, has to be climbing , upside down on sofa, going round in circles everything shes not ment to, i sit and try and do jigsaws with her she throws them away, try to read book she has no intrest all she wants to do is roll around on the floor, close her eyes go round in circles , her behaviour is out of control, shes constantly on naughty step, tryn so hard to be firm now i do put her in her room she screams at top of her lungs n bangs and stamps her head and feet ..im litrally at the stage i just dunno what to fo with her bringing her on family days out is hardship .. its horrible every days a battle with her , i dont know what iv done wrong for her to be like this its so hard because i feel like i sbould be enjoying my baby not dreading everyday , i spend alot of my time crying its so hard, please anyone , any advice is greatly appreciated Xx

It sounds like you and your daughter are struggling with having a strong emotional connection because of these day to day battles. I'd avoid the naughty step and putting her in her room. All it does it fracture the relationship further and will make it harder for her to listen to you. Sending a child that young away when they are 'naughty' just makes them feel ashamed and that they can't turn to you when their struggling. Big behaviours often hide big emotions under the surface. She needs to feel connected to you, which will help her to be able to hear you more.

That being said, a lot of what you describe sounds perfectly normal. Many 3 yr olds can't sit still, my 2 and 4 yr olds are constantly on their feet, climbing, jumping etc. My 4 yr old will be 5 in June and has only just recently started sitting down to colour for a period of time sometimes but otherwise is always on the go.

Does she get much opportunity to get outside, run around, play? Sometimes some rough and tumble play (chasing etc) can really help get that energy out and also helps you build that connection too.

This article might be useful www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child and I'd suggest exploring the rest of the site too as her writing is so useful.

Also try reading this information here - without these basics of relationship and connection, behaviour change won't follow.

Does she go to nursery at all? She should get 3 yr funding which might take some pressure off you and would be enjoyable for her too.

dhes obviously full of energy but you don’t say what the behaviour issues are. What kind of things are you putting her on the naughty step for?

Do you do lots of physical activity with her? She’s obviously not into sit-down activities yet and I don’t think you can force an energetic child to enjoy books/ jigsaws at that age. I would focus on engaging her in lots of energetic activities - do you have any outdoor space? Does she have a bike/ trike or scooter she could play on? Look for things like goalposts/ basket ball hoop and balls to set up outside to engage in structured games. For indoor activities I would choose things like baking, painting stood up at an easel, making slime/ playdough and indoor games such as skittles which are still quite active.

I wouldalso try and fill the day with lots of physical activities, days out to the park/ softplay/ trampoline park/ swimming etc where she can burn off energy so she’s calmer at home.

Sorry OP, sounds like a typical 3 year old. I have one pretty similar.

We cope thanks to a wonderful outdoor nursery setting who keep her active, as well as ballet classes on the weekend as well as any activity we plan is either active and outdoors or creative I. E. Collecting leaves, making pictures, baking biscuits.

When she's older you'll be glad she's not a pushover

Does not sound typical to me.

I’d be thinking about ADHD or possibly ASD.

Which is tough. Very tough. But beating yourself up thinking you’re a bad parent won’t help.

To say our relationship isnt strong is very hard to hear believe me i feel guity enough, its very hard when i bring her to friends and families houses and they are always comenting on her behaviour, that shes out of control when my friends child excactly 2 weeks apart sitts down and happily colours or does a jigsaw while my little one is running back and forth jumping in the couch, every weekend i do make sure we have a family day out but that turns to me crying driving home because she will not listen to me , if i say no , esp going shopping she wants evetythin and screams at the the top of her lungs to get it, so embrassing i leave crying ... and by u saying dont put on naughty step dont send to room, how do i disopline her, what should i do?

And yes she is in her preschool year from 9.30 till 12.30

From your description it’s hard to tell if it’s ‘normal’. Your description of her as a baby sounds normal to me. Does she go to nursery? What do the staff say?

Young children are like puppies, they need 3 long walks a day.

The naughty step is clearly not working so drop it. Children need to hear four positives to every negative. Try reading how to talk so little children listen and speak to your Hv.

Do you have a health visitor clinic you could contact? They might have someone who could come out and give you a bit of confidence. 3 year olds are busy, but there may be more going on.

I'm sorry I didn't word it well. I didn't mean the relationship itself isn't strong, or anything negative about how much you love your daughter or she loves you. I just meant when things are tough and we don't know what to do as parents things get a bit fraught, and that can kind of spiral into them always being resentful/misbehaving and us as parents feeling totally at a loss and sometimes resentful too. And when that happens sometimes you need to go back to basics. Children misbehave more when they feel that disconnect - it's not your fault the disconnect might have happened it's the reality of parenting.

Don’t take a 3 year old shopping, do online food shopping. If you have to go into a shop then tell her what she needs to do in advance eg hold your hand or the trolley, use an in door voice and say we aren’t buying any toys or magazines today. If she wants something then remind her that you aren’t getting anything today but say we can take a photo of it to remember to ask Santa for it or to put on her birthday list. Praise all the good things as she does them, “wow Jessica, I’m really impressed with the way you are using your in door voice”. When you get back in the car to leave praise all the good things she has done.

I don't think that sounds like normal behaviour. I have a strong willed 3 year old who tantrums regularly and needs a lot of physical exercise and one to one time, but he is perfectly capable of reading a book from start to finish, concentrate on a jigsaw, sit still when I ask him to etc. I would speak to a health care professional about your daughter's behaviour. Even if there is no underlying cause (not necessarily ASD or ADHD, it might be food intolerances) you will at least get some help with handling difficult situations.

I don't think the aha parenting site is particularly helpful for you, a lot of what it says just isn't realistic in many, many everyday situations.

Sorry you're finding it tough at the mo op. You mentioned shopping as an activity. I just wanted to say no way would I take my 2.5yo or my just 5yo shopping! I would possibly risk a quick food shop, by getting them very involved so setting them some items each to find and put in the trolley, 25 mins tops, in/out. I wouldn't even try to clothes shop with them. Perhaps find some more child focused things to burn off energy. The park, scooter, balance bike, out to collect leaves, swimming, dancing, acting/drama, rugby tykes, football, any of which could be as part of a club or just the two of you. I also agree with the previous posts and wouldn't naughty step/send to room. You're just setting yourself up for a battle and she won't learn from it I don't think. I would ignore whatever isn't dangerous, distract, and reward good behaviour. Maybe do a sticker chart or alternative. When I was struggling with my Dd I read 'how to talk so little kids will listen' which a pp also mentioned, I found it helpful.

What sort of stuff is she getting put on the naughty step for?

She sounds quite like my youngest.
I've had to learn to adjust my expectations and pick my battles but she's 5yo now and we're getting the hang of it.

Let her do what she enjoys, not what you thinks she should be enjoying.
If she doesn't enjoy things like jigsaws and reading and it's stressful then don't bother with it.

I also found the book 'magic 123' useful and we use this approach for anything that does need disciplining now, but at 3 I think your Dd is possibly too young.

A lot of that behaviour is sensory seeking, which can be linked to other conditions, but can also be just a thing by itself.
If she wants to jump and spin then you need to find ways she can do that - either at home or elsewhere. What about other sensory games e.g. with water, or pouring rice.
The book, The Out of Sync Child has lots of useful suggestions.

What does she actually do that’s ‘naughty’?

Think some of what you're describing is sensory so worth trying sites and HV/GP to get more. Look at vestibular and proprioceptive sensory sites for definitions and for help in getting exercises that can help you out.

Does she get enough outdoor exercise? As a Pp said, three-year-olds are like puppies and need walking. If I don’t tire mine out outside, she’s a pain in the arse. Are you bringing her to parks and stuff?

My eldest is 4 next week and 3 has been the hardest year for behaviour. It’s been a huge learning curve for us with how to discipline her.

But the biggest thing has been learning that she is intolerant to sugar. Cutting it down has massively improved her behaviour, her ability to listen and be reasoned with. She’s like a completely different kid.

Definitely speak to HV and GP. My ds was the same at that age. He is 11 now and completely different. Speaking to my HV and GP was best thing I did. He got referral and I found out about sensory processing and other things affecting him.

I'm obviously not saying this is the same experience as myself as every child is different etc but 90% of what you have wrote was my little boy at that age, he was diagnosed with autism at three and a half. even now at five he struggles to sit still, he never sits on a chair at home except at meal times. the trick I found was seeing things from their point if view, looking at everything from a different angle(and not just because of autism but some kids just see the world differently) it's hard, I struggle all the time but try and chill out as when you are stressed they feel it.
don't compare with children of a similar age as you are not the same as everyone your age.
social story's are useful at bed time aswell

I have already contacted my public health nurse, she had her develpment test,wich she passed with flying colours , so next step is waiting until she starts school in sep, they normally dont deal with looking into anything wrong because toddlers are full on at that age as iv been told, its very hard for me to describe all from writing down differnt tings, i just feel like its only getting harder with her and i hate feeling like this shes my baby girl i should be enjoying her just very hard when everydays so hard, my fam is fully confinced shes ADHD theyve been saying it for ages now, but theres nothing that can be done at this age,

Is she getting enough exercise? Many people think their child has ADHD when in fact they just have unreasonable expectations of a 3 year old. Equally ADHD can be missed.

I agree that 3 has been much harder behaviour wise than 2.

She never sits down , shes constantly in the garden, do bring her to park also shes always bouncing around the place, even if im talkn to her i go down to her level try to explain she cant sit still cant evn look at me , shes looking around her its like nothing registers with her,