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Parenting

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Original poster

How would you describe those first few weeks?

69 replies

glitterkitty · 21/08/2007 20:22

I was thinking of how to describe it realistically to a childless friend... this is my description.

Like being woken at various times throughout the night and made to put little glass beads on a metal tray in little batches of three, then carrying them gently to a very high shelf and sliding the tray on without moving a single bead- or you have to go back and start again.

Then when you finally do it right and go back to bed someone comes along and smashes the tray to the ground and you have to start over. This might happen 1 hour after you went back to bed- or 5 hrs or 5 mins. Random is the key.

At 5am you get up.

Repeated every night for 3 months.

Whats would yours be?

OP posts:

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UCM · 22/08/2007 20:43

On the biggest high you can ever be on. Until the bubble bursts after a couple of weeks. I was the centre of attention, lots of flowers & chocolates well into the second month. Then, nothing.....

Unless you count that little bundle that caused all the fuss. Magic. Times spent laying just staring and wondering how the hell I got it. Beautiful little feet and taking him down town to buy something to cast them forever. Sitting in the park with him on a blanket under a tree, just me & him. Him gurgling happily in his cot at 5 am, even though I didn't need to get up. I did. Don't get me wrong, I put him back down for a while.

UCM · 22/08/2007 20:48

With DD, thankful that Dh was at home for a month to stop DS smothering her. Not on the same high at all. Wondering what I had let myself in for and worrying about excluding DS.

7 Months on, loving her now completely. DS loves his little sis and I am enjoying her so much, I keep asking her not to roll over or crawl though, because that is where the really hard work starts.

tigerschick · 22/08/2007 20:48

One word: surreal

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LaBoheme · 22/08/2007 20:51

the closest thing to hell and torture I have ever experienced

god I had a really shit time

UCM · 22/08/2007 20:58

Can I ask if the Mums who had a bad time breastfed? I am not suggesting anything here, but the first 3 weeks of my sons life were fantastic. Dh had to finish a bathroom after I gave birth so wasn't there on the first few days etc, but it was still the best thing ever.

UCM · 22/08/2007 20:58

I am so sorry to anyone who didn't find it like I seem to of.

pastalady · 22/08/2007 21:00

Sitting, crumbled and forlorn amid piles of laundry, sheets, tissues, muslins squares, take-away menus, dirty-plates, breast-feeding guides, and baby care book wondering how on earth a tiny little person weighing it at under 7lbs can cause such utter caos and distruption.

Kicking yourself that you never appreciated sleep and should have spent as much time as much time as possible sleeping and doing literally nothing before the baby was born. Have the odd fleeting fantasy about the baby somehow being 'put back inside' where it was so nicely cared for while you sleep, read a book or just sit down in the blissful quiet.

Feeling almost knocked over buy the emmence love and devotion you feel for this tiny little person as feel his downy little head on your cheak, smell his indescrible smell and he burrows his little body into the sound of your heartbeat and falls to sleep in a ball on your chest.

UCM · 22/08/2007 21:02

to have, tired.

Meeely2 · 22/08/2007 21:04

i didn;t breast feed no.....was still hell

Twinklemegan · 22/08/2007 22:37

UCM - yes I breastfed. Yes I think that contributed a lot to the "horrendous" bit.

UCM · 22/08/2007 22:39

Thanks Twinks & Meely, I wasn't sure but I know that some mums have found the first few weeks hard if they are b/f but Meely, you put paid to that idea. Sorry that you had it hard.

I do hope it's all sweetness & llight now.

Twinklemegan · 22/08/2007 22:41

How did people find the first few weeks with their second/subsequent babies? Just as hard? Harder?

WinkyWinkola · 22/08/2007 22:53

Second child is easier. You're used to crap sleep. I just take the baby into bed with me and nod off. My DD is so relaxed. Trouble is when DS gets into bed too. Gets squashed. He's still stressed and I'm convinced it's because I wasn't relaxed when he was a baby.

pastalady · 22/08/2007 23:33

Also, found the first at keast 6 weeks of BF horrible. The stress of the pre-birth hospital stay, medical-icky birth and lots of issues surrounding hospital treatment left my confidence with BF and in general totally shattered. It took 4 days before I even managed to latch him on and after that I needed help with positioning. It took me a long time to trust the process and there were times I was jealous of FF friends who didn't seem to be having the same stress that I was. But, it all turned the corner and I BF my DS until he was two. Totally loved it.

Due in a month and really scared that I will have to fight to BF, but I have more XP this time, more knowledge and people who I can turn to for support. Still, it does worry me.

hotchocscot · 23/08/2007 00:21

first six weeks, running empty on terror and adrenaline fumes only. Terrified of getting everything "wrong". Fell ill at 3 weeks and had to stop attempts at BF, which wasn't going well anyway, made me feel like such a useless failure. Everything pre-natal is so focused on THE BIRTH, that you have no idea of what's coming, the reality of trying to care for a newborn. I really wish someone had said "chill, relax, just learn to BE with your baby, get to know him, you are both learning, take it slow, you are his mum and that's all that matters, they don't break easily and they won't die if they don't latch every time." oh, and that it can be normal for them to want fed more often than every 3 hours, the routine my HV insisted on!! . (and I was too exhausted, scared and anxious to question).

KTNoo · 23/08/2007 00:24

Definitely so much more relaxed the second & third times for me. Just enjoyed the babies and didn't really worry. Loved them being up in the evening when older one(s) in bed - the baby doesn't talk! Harder in some ways as I still had to get up for school/nursery even if I'd just fed baby at 5am or whatever, but didn't take it as badly as I thought. I suppose I was used to my time not being my own by then. The first time I went out with 3 I was constantly doing head counts, but after a couple of weeks it just seemed normal.

Meeely2 · 23/08/2007 09:42

think my hell was more down to there being two rather than how i fed them!

pooka · 23/08/2007 10:00

Like swimming through custard. Just feeling like enormous effort to keep going. Never felt so tired. Crying randomly for weeks and weeks. Incapable of doing anything well.

But then again, never realised quire what a massive life changing event having a new baby would be exhausting, but amazing.

Despite the exhaustion, really enjoyed the feeding, as that seemed to be the only thing I was patently good at (pure luck).

Second time round - completely different experience. Still lots of tears, but more of guilt at what effect ds was having on dd. But generally much more confident and less obsessive. More open to chaos and lack of sleep, with a better understanding that things change, and get better and that there is an end to the tiredness and mayhem.

gegs73 · 23/08/2007 10:12

First time round with DS1 was indeed hell on earth. I stressed about everything, baby was unsettled, feeding was a nightmare etc etc.

Second time round alot better. I am less stressed, baby is really good, feeding well, from 8 weeks sleeping reasonably well. I am still excited at the prospect of him being 6MO though! I do find them a whole lot easier as they get older. I am not a cooey baby person.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 23/08/2007 12:49

The first time was a doss compared to doing it with a toddler, my morning routine was this: baby would wake, I'd feed her and we'd go back to bed, repeat every 3hrs until lunchtime, occasional nappy change somewhere I'm sure. I remember turning up to lunchdate with NCT teagroup saying 'sorry we're late, we overslept' - didn't go down well!

AngharadGoldenhand · 23/08/2007 12:53

You're in a complex maze, at night, in fog with dim lights fixed to a few walls.

It will take you about four months to find your way out.

vizbizz · 27/08/2007 07:57

It's been sheer hell. Even now 18 months on, I still can't face the thought of having another, yet I don't want DS to be an only child. Can I scream now?

Original poster

glitterkitty · 28/08/2007 21:40

Oh bravo! So glad to hear others found it utter hell- it goes without saying (but I didnt say in my op) that I dearly love ds and cant imagine being without him but my god, the sleep deprivation...

Yes I am breastfeeding. Constantly it seems.

I slept 2hrs in the first 3 days what with whole night in labour, emergency cs, then being in scary hospital room wired up to drips and ALONE having to ring for mw everytime ds cried as I couldnt pick him up (approx every hr..).

When the mw finally took him (at 5am for 1 hr on the 2nd night) I couldnt sleep as by then I was delerious with tiredness- was convinced mw had hidden him in a cupboard as I couldnt hear him crying and went hunting for him with my drip and my support socks etc on full show looking like mad cat lady...

I was so happy to go home where at least I could doze on the sofa and snore like a pig without waking the whole ward.

4 months on Im still up every 3hrs thru night- so much for the magic 'will all get better by 3 months' that EVERYONE promised...!

OP posts:

Dottydot · 28/08/2007 21:46

The first 6 weeks were hell - utter hell. Same for ds1 and ds2 and dp and I both breastfed.

The next 6 weeks were ever so slightly better (barely, but just enough to keep you going) and from 12 weeks we started to feel more human and less likely to kill each other/ourselves/anyone in the vicinity.

I couldn't bear the exhaustion - the shaking from lack of sleep and just not being able to think and concentrate. And crying for no reason just because I was tired.

UniSarah · 28/08/2007 21:46

Thankfully (eventully) forgetable. if they wern't none of us would have younger siblings.

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