Did you ever have a clear 'I'm done' feeling when deciding not to have more children and / or do you regret not having more?

[Firecracker2019]

I'm asking as I'm struggling to know myself and my feelings shift back and forth and my 'gut' feeling is totally confused. Why not? A third child would bring more love? A busier family when my wider family is pretty small. But what if something goes wrong? What if I'm too old (early 40s)? What will I regret more - trying or not trying?

Time is ticking and I need to find a conclusion I can live with before I drive myself mad with it all!

I have four and was trying to persuade the MW to remove my womb with no4s placenta! I have never been more sure of anything that I was finished having babies. Four really was pushing it, no3 was an angel baby slept and ate well not a minutes bother DH said to me when she was 3 months old let’s have another, we TTC when she was 13 months and boom pregnant straight away. Feel very lucky but it’s mighty hard work.

I have one, took 3 years to get pregnant and I knew when it finally happened that I would not put myself, my DH or my DD through that again. No way would I waste any of the glorious and short time DD will be small fretting and being sad about infertility.

I have times when I wistfully think about being pregnant and feeling kicks, or holding a teeny smoosh baby, but I'm more inclined to want to borrow a baby for a few weeks than raise another child for decades

@Evenstar that's weird, I felt exactly the same in my third pregnancy - it felt like my highest stakes pregnancy because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it again.

We have three and very little family support (I am NC with my entire family and have been since before any of my children were born) but we have a very strong marriage and were always on the same page about a third child.

I do worry about how I'll cope as they get older, but I know I will. I've coped with everything else life has thrown at me I guess.

No.. But twins run in my family & I didn't want that suprise if went for a 3rd, I get hospitalised after each birth, condition is not doing my long term health any good, my husband was done and I felt blessed to have two health children.
So I stopped, but as they get older I sometimes look back at pregnancy and toddler stage and miss it

Have three
When I had two I had this powerful feeling that one was missing, took a while to convince DH.
No one is missing now but I would lstill love more DH says no because I would want a 4th then a 5th.... I have been broody since I was about 12 I suspect it’s not going away

I miss being pregnant, breastfeeding & having a baby in my arms (or wrap). I feel resentful that other people get to have more babies than me

I won't have another but I'm super broody, think it's peri menopause. I have 2, couldn't cope with more back then because dd1 has sn (diagnosed when I was pg with dd2) they are grown up, I miss my babies

Ah!
I have four DCs and am definitely done.
DH and I squabbled for a couple of years about having a third then ended up having twins.
Lovely now (they’re 7) but be careful what you wish for etc.

I have three and I love having three but a fourth would kill me. I had a niggle that I wanted another after baby #2 and now after #3 I just know I'm done. I'm a bit sad I won't get the snuggly newborn stage anymore, but I have zero desire to do it again.

I always imagined that I would have 4. DP only wanted 1, we compromised & have 2 DC.
In my heart I'd absolutely love another despite being rubbish at being pregnant & my body having absolutely no idea how to give birth! 🙄
But my head rules & says we are done with the 2 we have been so fortunate to have. Besides; knowing our luck we would end up with twins 🙈

I’m absolutely clear that I’m done now with two. For me, it comes down to what I’ve been calling my mothering capacity - and I know that it’s maxed out. I think I’m a good mum, but I know that if I added another child to the mix, I wouldn’t be.

I’m in a slightly unusual position in that we’ve adopted our two (who are siblings) and there is every possibility that their birth mother will have another baby and that social services will approach us to adopt him or her. It will be an incredibly tough decision because obviously it would be wonderful to keep the siblings together (as we have done with our two) - and DP will be really tempted - but I’m clear that I’m maxed out now.

Had a hideous birth with DD2. Was definitely done. Definitely. Got rid of all the baby stuff, everything.

After much umming-and-aahhing we are now trying for a third.

RainatNight I really get what you mean about mothering capacity. It's one of the things that holds me back from a third. Two of the things I found hardest going from 1-2 (even though I was absolutely certain about wanting a second as was DH) are dealing with the sibling squabbles and feeling like I can't give either my full attention. I think both things have caused me more anxiety than I ever expected. Realistically a third would only exacerbate these.

And if I'm totally honest I do worry that DH not being totally on board with this might show itself at any point if strain in future in a family of 5, even though I have no doubts that he would continue to be a very hands on Dad and do his fair share as now I fear resentment may creep in at challenging times.
And I think I am somehow idealising that three siblings would get on better growing up and as adults than two which is obviously not true.

I like TiceCream's dice analogy, I'm only 32 but I'm still scared to roll the dice in fear of additional needs, complications etc etc, it's a decision for my older children. I've said this a lot but they benefit more from my time (as we work full time) than they would an additional sibling, it can't be a decision based solely on the parents, particularly when they have got to school age as it would change their lives so much. That keeps my broodiness in check though I do need to suppress hormones at certain points in my cycle. There is no way I would take the risk in my 40s.

I wanted one or two.
Now.
Pregnant with my second.
So sure.
I come from a big family and so glad we are sticking to two. Two is more than enough for us.

And I think I am somehow idealising that three siblings would get on better growing up and as adults than two which is obviously not true.
No guarantee any sibling will get on. I barely see mine, I rather choose friends.

Another person who is definitely done at 2. When number 2 came along, I felt totally done. Not in a bad way, but I just knew what I had was enough for us as a family. I don't want to make life more difficult by having another, needing a new car, or paying out more nursery fees on top of wraparound and holiday care. Also (all being well), I see sleeping through the night in my own future. I can't wait for that.

Elusive mine are 3 and 7 now and both sleep through and wake later than us in the mornings for the past few months. Is very odd but nice especially as they were both awful sleepers when younger!

I do think the key is that you both need to be on the same page. We wouldn't have gone for a third if we both hadn't been 100% about it.

Also, the gap. My two year old is still in nappies and only started sleeping through recently, so going back to the newborn stage isn't much of a leap for us. If the gap was bigger I think it would be harder to adjust.

My third pregnancy was also my hardest by a long long way. I'm 39, but I don't think it's age because I had DS's at 35 and 36. I just think it's the strain of having kids whilst being pregnant.

Yes that's another thing - just being limited in pregnancy though mine would both be in FT school by the time any baby arrived which would help but would also be tricky with the older two's various activities with a baby in tow and no grandparents to take up the slack, just me and DH, so less time for us the parents too, to spend with the older two or do things for ourselves.
The more I think about it I think stopping at two is right for us. If we accidentally fell pregnant with a third it would be different and we we adjust and cope but I think actively trying for a third isn't what we should do.

I do think some of my feelings are to do with my DC growing up and feeling like they need us less (7 yr old especially) but also sturggling adjusting to the new approaching phase of having only school age children and what that means for me in terms of work and for DH and I as a couple. And I'm sure premenopause is looming and that is affecting my emotions!

Right, I need to stop focusing on all the families I know with 3 kids and instead focus on those with 2! There's no guarantee any attempt to have a third would be successful anyway, might not conceive, might miscarry, or lose baby at birth... :(
And I'm sure stopping at two is much harder for those who definitely wanted more but for some reason weren't able to. I am definitely not 100% and need to remember that what the pangs of regret come.