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Parenting

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Original poster

"lose the dummy by 6 months, but definitely at 12 months"

46 replies

emkana · 20/08/2007 23:18

... it said in the leaflet I looked at in the doctor's surgery today.

So there's another guilt moment for me. Ds is 14 months and LOVES his dummy and there's no way he's giving it up yet...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hotchocscot · 20/08/2007 23:22

my 14 month old ds still takes his dummy at night to settle to sleep. (and occasionally during the day if he takes a tumble and a mummy cuddle ain't cutting it).

Since he falls asleep in ten minutes contentedly with it and always spits it out in his sleep within half an hour or so i am ok with this. the alternative of upset crying baby just ain't worth it i feel.

dummy mummies unite! fight this oppression!

Beenleigh · 20/08/2007 23:26

My DD1 has a dummy ONLY at night, she's 22 months, and I will take it from her when she is old enough to understand, and be inagreement witht he decision. She loves it, and it gives her massive comfort when going to sleep. She NEVER has it at any other time though.

pooka · 20/08/2007 23:34

Tosh!

DD had a dummy until she was juat under 4. I kept thinking about getting rid of them, but then I rationalised it:

she had them for naps/night sleeps only by then
they were a massive source of comfort for her. A cue to relax and to sleep. Not sure why having such a cue is a problem later on down the line, once you've got over the painful time of having to find them in a darkened room with a 5 or 6 month old.

So time went on and I put it off and off. Then she fell and split her lip. Was glued together and A&E said should be kept as dry and clean as possible. I interpreted that as no more dummies. She slept with me that night because was shaken by the hospital trip. I said that after 5 nights the dummy fairy would come and take her dummies away if she wanted. She slept really well at night even without it, and then on night 5 they disappeared. She was a willing participant in the process and for that I am glad. Not so keen that she has now stopped having afternoon naps, but then again she'll be at school in January.

DS is nearly 2 and has a dummy too. And I have no imminent plans for them to go. Some children have clothies (ds has dummy and clothie, dd had dummy and a soft noukie), some have a bottle of milk at night, some have their thumb. I think that what comforts them and makes them happy and sleepy and secure is no bad thing. Think people get far too hung up on dummies - think is double standards when people would not comment on thumb-sucking or cuddly teddy, but would when it comes to a child comforting themselves by sucking on a dummy.

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fortyplus · 20/08/2007 23:37

My dentist said dummies are fine as long as you get rid of them by 2 years old when they can cause deformation of the palate. He said they don't make teeth stick out - that's a myth - but the altered shape of the palate can make the mouth overcrowded and mean that teeth have to be extracted later.

BUT... ds1 is 13.5 now so maybe the thinking has changed.

pooka · 20/08/2007 23:41

The thing is though, that I had an overcrowded mouth, and never had a dummy, never sucked my thumb. Was just pre-disposed, unlike my brothers

My dentist said that should lose it before 4 if possible. Always used the orthodontic teat too, not the cherry-type.

SixKindsofCrisis · 20/08/2007 23:43

I sucked my thumb till I was nine with no ill effects whatsoever!

fortyplus · 20/08/2007 23:51

I suppose all these things are a generalisation - if you're predisposed towards a 'fault' then a dummy could tip the balance, but for most people it won't make a jot of difference.

shinyhappytonks · 21/08/2007 09:32

load of twaddle

Do what makes you and your child happy. My son had his dummy until he was about 3. I thought that he would never give it up ! Then one day he went to sleep with it left on the side and has never looked back. Mind, i never let him outside with it once he was past a baby

morningpaper · 21/08/2007 09:35

I had a dummy until I was 7

my teeth are fine

ghosty · 21/08/2007 09:36

My DD is 3 and a half and has just had her second night without a dummy [proud]
I was worried about it and was digging my heels in about getting rid of it but in the end we couldn't find her dummy and she slept all night without it . On the second night she said she was too big for dummies ...
I am glad we didn't take it away from her or force her not to have it.

notnowbernard · 21/08/2007 09:53

No idea why people would want to remove a source of comfort from a baby or child in this way... you wouldn't take a teddy away at night, so why would you remove a dummy?

Dummies are sanity-saving IMO

tortoiseSHELL · 21/08/2007 09:56

DUmmies used in this way are ok - but...I sometimes wonder if they are sometimes used instead of addressing the child's actual need - I've seen this a few times, where a child is hungry or needs a nappy change, but instead is given the dummy.

Don't flame me! Not criticising dummy users, only INAPPROPRIATE dummy use!

Ceolas · 21/08/2007 09:57

It makes me when people talk about taking dummies away before childre are ready. Often it's because the parent feels they ought to because the child is deemed 'too big' for the dummy. You gave it to your child, it's now a massive source of comfort. Is it fair to remove that before the child's ready?

My Ds is 4 and still takes his to bed. We've talked about giving it up but he's just not ready. If I wasn't prepared for it to go on this long, I wouldn't have given it to him in the first place.

SixKindsofCrisis · 21/08/2007 10:19

I'm just wondering ... whether I could have dome my ds1 some harm by not giving him a dummy. He is often quite needy, quite angry with me, and I'm just thinking that if he had been given something as a baby that allowed him sometimes to find his own comfort when away from me he might have developed into a calmer, more self-sufficient, personality.

Just a thought.

SixKindsofCrisis · 21/08/2007 10:21

SixKindsofCrisis · 21/08/2007 10:22

My ds2 did that blush while I nipped to the toilet!!!!!

Mummyofthreebeauties · 22/08/2007 20:39

I love this thread! It is making me feel so much better. My DS still has his dummy at night and I have been stressing (and nagging him) to give it up since he turned 3 a couple of weeks ago. His sister under the same pressure just handed it over but for him I think he really does need it still to drop off to sleep. I go in and pop it out of his mouth once he has dropped off. With this reassurance I will lay off with all the bribery and I am sure he will just decide it up of his own accord.

Desiderata · 22/08/2007 20:51

Dummies are a Godsend. I remember little ds at six days old, crying his eyes out at nighttime. I nipped to the shops, bought a dummy, plonked it in, and he slept right through from thereon (apart from sleepy, occasional feeds).

He's now 2.9 and still uses a dummy, but he hardly ever needs it now unless he's getting tired.

startouchedtrinity · 22/08/2007 21:03

My extremely good, clued-up hv said that the latest research is that if a dummy is introduced it should be kept until at least one.

Dd1 had one until about 2 and ahalf when it got exchanged for a Thomas engine shed by the dummy fairy. Dd2 didn't take to one, ds still has his at 15 mo and I expect he will for a while yet.

fizzylemonade · 22/08/2007 21:05

My friends DD had a dummy till she was 8 or 9, her dentist kept checking and her mouth was fine. She went to Brownie camp for 3 days without the dummy and the first thing she did when she got in her mum's car was stick the dummy in and cover her mouth while she drove past her friends!!!

My DS2 has a dummy, he is 15 months and I am weaning him down to nap time only and for days like today where he is teething like mad (he currently has 4 teeth seems to be cutting about 5)

All praise the dummy, it isn't heroin

ruddynorah · 22/08/2007 21:11

oh pleeeease don't think thumb suckers are left off the hook. dd used to suck hers when she was tired or in pain and was constantly told 'ooooh get that thumb out of your mouth..' in an irritatingly twittering manner by various friends and family. i just used to leave her be...while people would buzz in my ear about how awful it is when teenagers are still sucking their thumb and how i should give a dummy cos at least that can be taken away, and about how her thumb would get soooo sore and infected....blah blardy blah. she stopped sucking her thumb all on her own, spontaneously, at 14 months old.

Ceebee74 · 22/08/2007 21:12

Another 'dummy mummy' here - DS is 13 months and has his for naps/sleeptime only (plus, like another poster, when he is hurt and I cannot comfort him) - oh and also when careless parents leave them lying within reach or he can reach other children's and he just pinches them right out of their mouth (as he did to another MN baby at a meet-up )

Why would I want to take it away when he finds it comforting, helps him get to sleep and we all have a lovely evening??

Desiderata · 22/08/2007 21:24

Well, I still suck my thumb at 42!!

It's like everything else. Some people hate dummies and thumb-sucking so much, that they invent scare stories in order to back up the reasons for their aversion.

My neighbour hates dummies. Since ds was born 2.9 years ago, she always whips it out of his mouth with a little verbal admonition. And yet her ds (who goes along with her aversion) is clinically obese and is never without a bag of sweets/crisps/chocolate in his mouth.

I have to bite my lip, I tell ye I love them both to bits, but if the little lad was born with a desire to have something constantly in his mouth, than surely a dummy would have been a better compromise for his long-term health?

bran · 22/08/2007 21:35

I didn't have a dummy or suck my thumb and I had a very overcrowded mouth. I think a croweded mouth is genetic tbh, my mum had the same thing.

DS came with a dummy when we adopted him and we gradually reduced it to sleeping or anxious times only, and then down to sleeping only. We finally got rid of it forever about 3 weeks ago (at 3.3 yrs), he still asks for a dummy sometimes but after the first week he slept without it with no problems.

Desiderata · 22/08/2007 21:51

I didn't know you'd adopted, Bran. How is the little man?

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