Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, I am new to this site and just need a place to rant/need to know if I am overreacting? Also sorry if it’s extremely long and rambly...
First of all let me give a little back story. I am 23 and my mother whom I was living with, passed away 3 years ago and my dad lives out of the country, so I moved in with my partner and his family (his mother and 3 brothers) whilst we saved up enough deposit for a house of our own, thankfully we are ready to move out.
Anyway, his mother has always been very outspoken and opinionated and I am very shy and find it hard to stick up for myself but we haven’t had too many issues whilst I have been living here, apart from her odd judgy comment here and there that I have managed to just brush off. When I found out I was pregnant I was more determined than ever to move out but she was insisting that we stay for at least a year after the baby is born saying I am a new first time mum and need her experience and help. Since giving birth she has taken over naming our son, choosing both middle names (based on her faith from church) and refuses to call him by his first name that me and my partner chose as she doesn’t like it and only calls him by his middle name.
She has judged and taken over every little thing I have done. His first bath, changing him, feeding him and resting him she has managed to take over and do herself at the hospital before I had the chance to even hold my baby (he was born a few weeks prem so I was in hospital for a week).
It probably sounds silly but it broke my heart having to watch her butt in and bathe and feed my baby in hospital before I even had a chance as I was really looking forward to bonding with him and doing these firsts especially as he was born early and I wasn’t able to hold him much at first. I was too weak and tired still recovering from a c sec to complain but deep down inside I was so hurt.
Now we are at home and every time I try to do something such as change his nappy or bathe him she watches over me like a hawk, tells me I’m doing it wrong and takes over saying I should just watch and learn from her from now on as I don’t have the experience just yet.
Other examples of her being overbearing: she takes him from my arms without even asking, takes him from his moses basket in our room when he’s sleeping and now let’s whoever she wants hold him/kiss him, even strangers and visitors I don’t know ( mostly from her church). She has even taken him to church as a prem newborn with loud banging church music, candles and busy crowds just so that she can show off the baby and ignored my concerns completely. She takes him at night saying she wants to help out and do the night shift (again without even asking) and puts him in her room all night with the door closed. I wake up some nights to find my baby just gone!
She has been discouraging me from breastfeeding, as it takes away time from her and my baby and stops her being able to feed him with the bottle. I had issues with him latching on/ my supply so was pumping and supplementing with formula whilst I figured out BF with my midwife and she has jumped on that so that she can force me to bottle feed so that again she can take over.
Finally she tells me off for any decision I make and goes against it, such as my baby having a dummy and snatches it out of my hand when I try to give it to him or stops me soothing him when he cries in his crib (she believes in letting babies cry it out) or me giving him his prescribed medication, and believes doctors meddle too much and that I shouldn’t give him anything. She also believes babies should sleep on their bellies which I think is dangerous and whenever she has him always puts him to sleep on his side or belly in his crib (which worries me when she takes him at night) and refuses to listen when I gently tell her he should sleep on his back due to SIDS which she doesn’t believe exists.
She acts like it’s her baby and makes decisions for me and tells me how I should take care of and raise my baby and I barely get any alone time with him without her lurking in the background and she constantly tells my husband that she doesn’t want us moving out and that she wants to be be close to baby and is against us moving slightly further away (even though that’s all we can afford) and is doing all she can to stop it. My husband knows and I have complained to him many times and have had sleepless nights and cried too many times to count! I don’t want to drive her and him apart and he is trying to be the middle man without causing too many arguments. She is very stubborn and doesn’t listen and acts like I am overreacting and gets angry at me for mentioning anything to my husband and as I don’t like confrontation I try to avoid saying anything to her as we all live under the same roof and I don’t know what to do. Am I overreacting? Any suggestions? And again sorry if this is too long/in the wrong place.