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Original poster

Not excited for 2 under 2

26 replies

Goostacean · 17/11/2019 21:46

As per title, which is a shame because am due in a month. It all just seems so disappointing and unappealing- work has been going well but now I need to take time out again, I was in great shape then got pregnant and lost it all obviously, newborns are so boring compared to my toddler. Plus I’m worried about how the birth will go after the last one (EMCS) and feel very detached from the bump.

Anyone else felt this way? Did it all work out in the end? Feeling deflated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Angela9 · 17/11/2019 21:59

It's hard work (not going to lie) but my two with less than 2 years between them have the most amazing bond and I love seeing them play together and make each other laugh. It's amazing.

Original poster

Goostacean · 17/11/2019 22:12

Yeah... so I hear, but I’m really not that inspired. Maybe I just can’t imagine it properly yet. We have a very young baby in the family and I just keep thinking what a drag it’s going to be, just as my eldest is developing such a clear personality. I want to plan some holidays, and feel attractive again! I know this will pass after baby arrives, but it’s got me so down this evening

OP posts:

Angela9 · 17/11/2019 22:26

My toddler became my little helper, passing me baby wipes during nappy changes, giving the baby his dummy back, giving him his blanket or teddy that kind of thing. Baby slotted into toddlers sleep routine after about 3-4 months. They both like the same songs and have a similar sense of humour, although my toddler is more enthusiastic and baby is more laid back.

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middlemuddle · 17/11/2019 23:13

Yeah, mine are 7,5 and 3 (4 in March) now. There's 17 months between my boys. It's hard work but you just have to muddle through the relentless baby bit until they get a little personality and it's better then. My third wasn't planned so I found it harder, I was worried and knew I wouldn't cope mentally but we got there eventually.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 17/11/2019 23:26

Perhaps try practicing some gratitude?

You seem to be in your own pity party ... create your own happiness and adjust your mindset . It really comes down to choice - do you want to carry on feeling down or feel something different?

middlemuddle · 17/11/2019 23:29

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls do you also tell depressed people to cheer up? ;)

saraclara · 17/11/2019 23:34

Look at the positives. Assuming you're sticking at two, you get all the tiny baby stuff over in a short period of time.

There was 20 months between my two, they were close, played together, and were entertained by the same things. We didn't have to adjust our lives to two different sets of needs, and we could dispense with baby stuff in the house within a short period.

BeThere · 17/11/2019 23:37

It will probably just be tough for a short while. Muddle through that bit and then you'll get onto the more 'fun' stage. But don't wish it away. If you're only having 2 kids, this will be the last time you get those newborn snuggles. You might look back in 10 years and wish you enjoyed it more.

LimeRedBanana · 18/11/2019 00:41

@middlemuddle - well, the OP has posted here, so clearly they are looking for some sort of guidance.

It does actually help to sometimes focus on the positives, rather than the negatives.

Original poster

Goostacean · 18/11/2019 07:56

The pity party was harsh but fair 😂 Feeling more positive after a good sleep, and I do feel grateful- esp with some close relatives/friends who have had/are having fertility issues. That makes it hard though; just because someone else wants what you’ve got, doesn’t mean you can’t feel unsure about it yourself. I felt very down at the start of the pregnancy, then much happier in the middle, and now feeling worse again. Hopefully newborn snuggles will make it all better soon.

OP posts:

Frazzlerock · 18/11/2019 08:03

Whilst I understand what it feel like to be deeply depressed so can empathise on some level, I wish I was you. Three babies lost in 3.5 years and been TTC for a year since our last loss and nothing. I'd do anything anything for what you have. How amazing to be able to have 'newborn snuggles'
I hope you can enjoy your fortunate circumstances. If not, then please get some PND support.

Original poster

Goostacean · 18/11/2019 08:23

Great, now I feel even worse! I’m sorry to hear about your situation Frazzle.

I was just wondering whether anyone else had had last minute doubts about two so close together, but looks like it’s just me being an ungrateful cow...

OP posts:

Cannyhandleit · 18/11/2019 08:38

I 100% had doubts before number 2 was born (19m between 1&2) and I had major doubts for the first year of his life! It was HARD but it's great now! He's just turned 3 and number 3 is due imminently so the doubts are back again!

OlderthenYoungerNow · 18/11/2019 08:41

Fake it til you make it. Talk to the bump, tell them you love them, can't wait to meet them. You know you can return to work and fitness in a year or so after giving birth so you can def do it again. It's probably hard to remember how to you felt in the last pregnancy but now you have a toddler, it's like you've always known them but it's not the case! You couldn't picture life with the first baby at the time but look what happened!

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/11/2019 08:42

I had doubts all through my second pregnancy, walked in the door with the new one in his car seat and my toddler (22 months then) ran straight over and said 'baby!' in a voice of sheer delight, and she's loved him like that ever since. It got me through the baby stage and now god I can't believe I ever doubted our choice, or thought I wouldn't love him as much. I've welled up just writing that (sap) it turned out so so well OP, just roll with it and it'll be worth it.

Sunshine1235 · 18/11/2019 08:46

I felt very panicked about having two close together and to be honest it was a long slog - now they’re 2 and 3 I finally feel like I’m coming out of the never ending baby phase and I can start to focus a bit more on myself again. That might not sound encouraging but I am so glad I had them close together, all my friends are now just all having their second babies and I feel a bit smug and relieved that I’m done.

MissMarpletheMurderer · 18/11/2019 08:47

Op I'm sorry you are getting such selfish replies (and it is selfish to use your heartbreak to beat a person when they are down, no wonder we have a MH crisis if when someone reaches out for help we make them feel like ungrateful bitches!)
Of course you are allowed to feel apprehension, worry and general fear, just because people have it worse than you it doesn't invalidate your feelings.

Back to post, I think what you are feeling is completely normal, hormones and because second time round you are going into it with your eyes wide open makes it scarier. I remember sobbing as I just couldn't bear the thought of giving birth again and then the thoughts of sleepless nights etc. But when it happens and baby arrives it's so much easier, the fear was much worse than the reality. Having them close together can be better for your work and your body (assuming you stop at two) as it's done. Also it's lovely seeing them grow together. Also so much easier as they get older as they will be at similar stages.

Sunshine1235 · 18/11/2019 08:47

Also just to add that in my experience the baby phase is much easier the second time and it flies by so quickly before you know it your baby will be 1

UnalliterativeGeorge · 18/11/2019 08:52

I have 17 months between mine and except the first five minutes of being excited to be pregnant I pretty much spent the second pregnancy wondering wtf I was doing. The idea of doing it was worse than doing it and having a toddler and being pregnant was a lot worse than having a baby and a toddler.

They're 3 and 4 now and excluding the threenager strops about absolutely nothing it's so good watching them grow up together. And even better the 3 year old starts nursery in January!

DeeCeeCherry · 18/11/2019 09:01

When DC1 was 7 months I fell pregnant again, 3 months before I was due to return to work. I did go into panic mode, & I did return to work for the few months before having to go on maternity leave again.

But it was fine with 2, felt I had a head start as knew what to do, having already had a baby.

Things I remember are having to really pull myself up and establish a routine for getting out of the house on time - it was taking me hours to get myself + 2 DCs ready, which wasn't on and made me feel down.

Also the 2 lots of nappies price...

I really bounced back after DC1, great skin hair figure. It all went to pot with DC2 tho, but I got there (very) gradually.

All in all its been nice watching them grow up together, they're in their 20s now and the best of friends.

23 hours labour with my 1st, less than 1 hour labour with 2nd.

Jem01 · 18/11/2019 09:07

Hi yes I had doubts! 18 months between my two and felt anxious/scared throughout the entire pregnancy. First few weeks was tough but i soon got into a routine that worked for us. Looking back I think that’s the thing that made me anxious thinking how am I going to cope with a newborn and toddler?! So in answer to your question yes it does get better

Mopmum35 · 18/11/2019 09:09

Honesty you'll be fine! It is very tiring but its lovely it really is, I had my first 4 in 4 years then had a break Haha then my last two 13 months apart, so having 2 babies is hard but not all the time, my 2 younger ones ( 2 and a half and 3 and a half) are playing doctors/vets on the floor right now.
Once baby has arrived it'll all fall into place.

LolaLollypop · 18/11/2019 09:10

All totally normal feelings, don't worry. I'm also expecting no2 (2.5 years between them) and I have been worrying about how it's going to affect our lives as a 3. We've settled down into a nice routine now and I actually felt like I had my life back after the tough first year! It is hard imagining doing it all over again - especially the weight loss... yawn!! But I also imagine my DD having a sibling and I know she will LOVE this new baby. I'm looking forward to meeting this new baby more and more as time goes on.

Frazzlerock · 18/11/2019 09:33

Sorry for making you feel worse @Goostacean I shouldn't have said all that. I'm just having a fucking terrible few years and desperate to hold my baby like so many others can, and threads like this are incredibly hard to read, but curiosity gets the better of me (stupidly)
I should hide threads like this rather than commenting on them and making everyone feel shit (will hide now )

I hope you feel better soon x

Tamtam86 · 18/11/2019 11:49

You're definitely not alone in feeling like this, I'm also due my 2nd baby next month with 19 months between them.

They are both IVF babies after a looong fertility struggle (part of the reason we tried IVF again so soon was because it took so many years to conceive baby number 1) so very much planned and wanted, and I know how lucky I am but it doesn't stop the doubts and worry over whether I've done the right thing. My 18 month old is at such a lovely stage where we have so much fun together I am worried about how a new baby will change things, and just whether I'll be able to cope! And at this stage in pregnancy your body is so far from normal, I've had worries about getting my body back and I feel bad for thinking it but can't help wonder how I'd look if I'd carried on keeping fit instead of getting pregnant. I'm trying to acknowledge my worries but focus on the positives and how lucky I am to finally have the family I longed for for so long. It's a confusing mix of feelings though, and I don't think the hormones help!

Oh, also terrified of giving birth again!!

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