Don't rub it on your clothes !!!

[TypicalMeBreakMyTypicalRules]

....use a cloth

^ I've realised is my current most used phrase. What's yours??

Don't eat that!

CAREFUL!

GENTLE!

Little spoons. Left to her own devices my toddler can eat her entire lunch in under two minutes.

Be careful.. I have a mountain goat.

Stop licking the dog!

No, I don’t know where it is have you even looked???

And when said to DH followed up with ‘I’m not your bloody mother’ unfortunately can’t use that for the other one as I am the mother and apparently part of the job description involves knowing where everything is always.

Fgs will you settle down?!

Do I look like fucking Google ?

You’re not at work and I am not your PA !

For clarity our children are grown up and left home .

Lower your voice please

He's 7, when do they begin moderating their speaking volume? I think he's missed the memo.

For crying out aloud......

Not in your mouth!

Hand out of your pants!

Seriously, he's going to pull that thing off one day...

All of these on repeat all day:
Not a toy
Not for babies
Not for eating
No knock knock on faces
No eye gouging
Did you do another code brown?
The bats are sleeping
Waaaah is still the last thing we need
Sleepy time, sweet dreams, mummy loves you (whilst internally screaming "please go the f to sleep!")

"Hurry up!!!"

DD is terminally day-dreamy and DS is a procrastinator. We are never on time for anything.

Please don't bite the...
Windowsill
The TV unit
The kitchen cupboard
The rug
The chair

And everything else that DS finds appealing.

Gentle hands!

For fucks sake

Said under my breath of course 😉

When you open a door/drawer it's amazingly clever but you can shut them up into the same space again.

15yo DS still doesn't do this. But speaking other other parents he's not alone!

Oh my god @WooYa I thought I was the only one who said that!!

Take that out your mouth and variations of; sometimes more panicked than other times

Listen
You're not listening
Will you please listen to me
Why are you not listening?
And other variations of the above!

In your bed! (to dogs not DC )

Sit on your bottom! - to my 8 and 6 year old daughters who will drape themselves over furniture like used towels.

Stop running off!
No
Stay out of the kitchen. Put that back.
Stop fighting.
Have you (got water bottle/glasses on)