Husband playing silly games with our son

[bunny85]

My husband is very involved and adores our son (nearly 4 y.o.) but when he comes from work or on weekends he only plays silly games with him. Like chasing each other or rough and tumble play or him being a horse with ds on his back etc. It has ds in fits of laughter and this make my husband think that this is the best way of playing. He never initiates anything educational, unless prompted by me. If I try to correct it, he says why can't I just let them play the way they play. But I can't help thinking that this sort of play doesn't develop the child in any way as they only make silly noises or roar and just generally be loud. For some reason it annoys me, but I try to just get on with my things and not make comments. Just wondering if IABU? Do other men prefer this sort of play with children? I just feel like my husband doesn't want to make much effort and all the educational side of things fall on me. If I ask him to read a book or puzzle or whatever they'll do it but I can't nag about it daily. Just curious about other people's opinions. Thanks!

That sounds like brilliant fun.
Why on earth would you want to stop them enjoying themselves?

Relax! They sound like they're having fun!

They're developing a close, happy, loving friendship. Surely that's just as important, if not more so, as educational stuff.

You sound like a bit of a fun sponge to be honest.

YABU. He’s 4! He will be learning all sorts of things in all sorts of ways. There is plenty of time for ‘educational’ activities.
Does he go to nursery? School? My 4 year old is in reception, we do her school reading every evening and she swimming lessons and ballet class, but otherwise we let her play in the way she wants to play.

Agree sounds fun and no idea why you would want to stop it.

However this bit
'Do other men prefer this sort of play with children? I just feel like my husband doesn't want to make much effort and all the educational side of things fall on me. If I ask him to read a book or puzzle or whatever they'll do it but I can't nag about it daily'

Sounds like he's doing a thing where he'll only do the bits he likes and leaves the rest to you (the less fun stuff) which is rubbish and out of line.

You are being a fun sponge. Playing is an essential developmental stage for children. That's why reception classes have water play and sand trays as children learn how to play, be resilient, share, cope with losing as much as from structured learning. There is a place for both. Be glad your partner and child can have fun together.

YABU. He’s spending time with his son. Imaginative play is great for development. My husband is like this (on the floor, playing games etc). I don’t enjoy this and tend toward “structured play” - books, games etc. I think our children get a good mix.

This sounds like a lot of fun and lots of men interact this way with their children. My DH is the same and I will warn you, being 'fun dad' later on when they are older means they dont respect you. They don't listen to him at all when he's being serious because he's messed about too much. They just think he's joking.

What the fuck! Let him play with his child, you sound so controlling and superior. Kids are made to have fun it's their job, why don't you stop spoiling it for them and actually join in?

Physical play is important in a child's development - google it!

Neither DH or I particularly bothered trying to develop our DS. He's absolutely fine, and tbh I do want to postpone the moment he realises he's cleverer than me. Once that happens, you're fucked.

Just chill out. You and your son will interact differently to how he does with his dad. Not all games need to be or should be educational. And he's only 3. Let them play and maybe join in?

I think it's important that kids have fun. Your DH's play sounds lovely, I think you need to lighten up a bit.

It's fine and sounds like they have a lovely relationship. It will be beneficial to him, it is developing him. Think about the strength and balance required to stay on his dad's back as they charge about, that's important. He will find sitting to concentrate easier if he has good core strength and balance. Pretend play helps them to try out things like being a bit scared in a really safe way, being chased by dad pretending to be a dinosaur for example. Its important for emotional development. Let them crack on!

YABU, chill out op and let them have fun. Not everything had to be educational, let your hair down once in awhile and relax.

I generally can't be arsed with loud, rough and tumble games so I would be very happy if someone else was taking the load tbh.

Yabvu. Imaginative and physical play is so important in a childs development. Never mind the bond it is building between them.

Maybe need to look into where your anxiety comes into it? Or what leaves you so unsure of playing? Don't push your child to think that learning is just through academia - it isn't - this is all educational too!! Playing around - developing a relationship with his father - is much more grounding than learning to count to 200!

What your DH is doing is just perfect

Yabu. He’s interacting with his son and children need different types of play to develop well. It sounds like your DH is doing a great job of supporting his physical and motor skills development.
This link talks about all the benefits of rough and tumble play: may be of interest to you.
partnershipsforearlylearners.org/2019/05/09/rough-and-tumble-play/

Also your DS is still young and as he gets older so will his play needs - lots of rough and tumble at this age is great and when he grows out of it he’ll let his dad know.

Why does play have to always be about education or developing the child? They're having fun and enjoying a close bond, to me that's equally important (if not more so). Presumably he has plenty of opportunity for educational at nursery? Leave them be and let them enjoy themselves. And make sure you have fun with your DS as well. When he's older, he won't remember all the times you did an educational jigsaw with him, but you can bet your life he'll remember you doing silly things like dancing in the kitchen or doing handstands in the lounge!

I think there’s 2 separate things here:

1. Your child absolutely should be allowed unstructured, free play time and even “silly” activities have an important part to play in development at that age.

2. If your DH never wants to do anything sensible with his child that’s another issue - if he’s always being “silly” and doesn’t encourage reading or learning he needs to occasionally. Does he ever discipline him or does that fall to you, too?

The educational stuff falls on school, not you.
Have fun with your child and play and be silly.
There's plenty of time in the future for learning- anyway if it's more like a game they will learn faster.

Join in when they are playing. Otherwise the educational stuff you want to do, your child will soon tire of and you'll be 'boring mummy'.

Your DH sounds like a great dad tbh. Play is fun and exciting and a chance to express yourself, and actually those things are great for a young child’s development.

They're building a relationship based on love, fun and trust. how can you not enjoy seeing that? I LOVED watching my late husband play like that with our young daughters. Leave them alone.

Maybe you should play with your son in a relaxed and fun way too. It will do far more for your relationship than you always being his teacher.