Husband playing silly games with our son

[bunny85]

My husband is very involved and adores our son (nearly 4 y.o.) but when he comes from work or on weekends he only plays silly games with him. Like chasing each other or rough and tumble play or him being a horse with ds on his back etc. It has ds in fits of laughter and this make my husband think that this is the best way of playing. He never initiates anything educational, unless prompted by me. If I try to correct it, he says why can't I just let them play the way they play. But I can't help thinking that this sort of play doesn't develop the child in any way as they only make silly noises or roar and just generally be loud. For some reason it annoys me, but I try to just get on with my things and not make comments. Just wondering if IABU? Do other men prefer this sort of play with children? I just feel like my husband doesn't want to make much effort and all the educational side of things fall on me. If I ask him to read a book or puzzle or whatever they'll do it but I can't nag about it daily. Just curious about other people's opinions. Thanks!

YABU. Let him play to his strengths and you play to yours. DH and I are like this. I'm better at the educational stuff, like reading, writing stories and role playing. DH is better at the silly games, building space ships out of lego and drawing.

If it's in the evening when DH is getting home from work then it's a terrible time to try and do anything like reading etc that he needs to concentrate on anyway.

As long as you are both spending time with your DC and bonding with them, that's the most important thing. They can also be educational. They can count how many raspberries he blows on them, use directions on the donkey ride etc. Everything is learning at this age.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Children LOVE that kind of play. Adore it. It's you who needs to simmer down, bigtime. Your son needs to run around and have silly fun and have a strong, loving bond with his dad. He does not need "educational" activities forced on him aged 4.

Does your DH participate in bedtime routine and read a story then? Because that'll do fine. Just because he doesn't reach for a book when they could have physical play doesn't mean he's parenting wrong.

I can see your point if you end up doing all the boring stuff (brushing teeth, supervising mealtimes, making him go to bed etc) and all your DH does is play games with him. But if he pulls his weight with that stuff too then I wouldn't worry too much about educational play.

YABVVVVVVVU and ridiculous

He’s 3 FGS!

My DH does this all the time. It annoys me in the sense that it gets the kids totally hyped up before bedtime, and I worry sometimes they’d get hurt as they’re literally diving on him from across the room, but I don’t have any problem with him playing with them like this. They love it! Plus I don’t have to do it!

social & emotional & gross motor skill & physical development -& bonding & imaginative play (part of my degree was child development & abnormal development & I have NVQ3 in childcare by the by) Dc don't get enough physical development & fun - formal sitting down & learning skills are only part of education & our system is sadly lacking - its also good for dc eyes - did you know that there are links in physical exercise & development of maths (I didn't until I went on a Dyspraxia Workshop - apparently it was discovered as a positive side effect!)

I wonder about whether maybe you’re too focussed on the fact your DS should be having ‘educational’ play? At this age, ALL play/interaction/life/chores is ‘educational’.

Just because some interactions/types of play/situations aren’t explicitly part of the EYFS curriculum doesn’t mean they’re not an essential part of a child’s development.

In the kindest possible way, I think you and DS would benefit from you relaxing your parenting/educational worries and just letting DS be a 4yr old. There’s plenty of time for him being educated for the next 14years in the school system. Home should be about fun, horseplay, giggles and relaxing. Which your DH sounds on-board with.

Wow lots of replies that made me think... Just to answer some questions: he does a lot of disciplining too, absolutely. In fact he is quite good at it, he explains to him that when he's serious it means jokes aside, and ds always listens to him. He does teeth brushing and bedtime and all the rest of it, so I don't have any complaints there. What you all said made me think a lot to be honest. Especially that part about him not going to remember me reading and teaching him but remembering the silly stuff so next time I'm going to join in for sure (they'll be shocked ). I'm glad I don't usually say much even though sometimes it makes me really angry (don't know why, maybe the screaming etc I'm pregnant as well). I'll definitely be doing more fun stuff with him myself now as I never thought of being perceived as a 'boring mummy' which deep down I reckon I am turning into...
Thanks to everyone for a great wake up call.

Play doesn't have to be educational, sometimes the best play is the one that both parties enjoy. Let your dh and ds enjoy their time. Some of your sons best memories will come at times like this...

I remember watching a documentary on how the difference in mothers and fathers advance children in different ways..

An example is Mothers are more nurturing and fathers naturally more educational. Women use 'baby' talk more, men use 'bigger, more grown up' words and thus increase the child's vocabulary. Was very interesting.

Let your dh do what he wants as long as your ds is enjoying himself, sounds like great fun.

My husband plays like this with our four year old, I sometimes get annoyed because I am worried our DS will get hurt or it is close to bed time and I am trying to wind things down BUT my son loves it and it really does create a fantastic bond, also my sons physical development has definitely benefitted. I get involved sometimes and it's always a lovely family moment (especially when we gang up on Dad)

He needs both OP. You do the educational bit and let DH do the crazy play bit... swap sometimes - he’s a child, let him be one for as long as possible.

I love your update OP.

It’s actually heartwarming when people take posters replies onboard.

Fun and laughter are such an important part of life.

I think this must stem from something in your childhood.

Anyway glad to see you will join in next time :)

It is actually really good for kids, socially emotionally and educationally to rough house a bit, it teaches them so much

It is also very bonding

Ahhh OP, your update is brill . Good on you for reading, digesting and taking on-board the advice. You’ve got a really open, positive attitude and I salute you.

Sounds like you and DH and DS are a great unit, and I wish you all the very best OP

Totally agree that this sort of play is valuable too and Dads and grandads do seem to love it. However I don't agree with the poster above who said 'leave education to school'. Children have opportunities to learn all the time at home and are total sponges so I do think it's a waste to just be silly at home. It also devalues education. Good education play opportunities dont seem educational to the child.

Silly play is just as good for a child as educational. There is too much emphasis on kids learning these days.
Kids these days grow up to quickly and don’t have chance just to “be kids “.

What a lovely update 😊 It's not easy being a parent is it?! You sound like a lovely Mum x

All of your replies are very eye opening. I even regret and feel a little ashamed of making it obvious that their behaviour annoys me. I never thought I might come across as a fun sponge but now I'm sure this is what my DH thinks of me in moments like this. Definitely joining in tomorrow (not that I like it very much and I'm also 7 months pregnant but will do what I can). Actually they do drag me in occasionally (sandwich on the bed which requires 3 people) and sometimes they do make me laugh on purpose. Don't know why I got so annoyed tonight though, I think they went really wild

To the poster who suggested it comes from my childhood- this is spot on. My dad is a bit more fun, but mum has always valued education and good manners a lot and never ever played this sort of games with me, I have amazing relationship with both my parents now, but I can totally 100% see my mum's behaviour in me now.

Can we swap? My DH just looks at his phone all the time and never plays with them. Educational or otherwise!

reading & playing can be fun too! Do you do much playing with sand or water or bubbles & sticking & gluing & painting (even with fingers) ? I use to love taking dc on walks to woods & parks & letting them play & talking to them about what we could see - & counting everything! messy play like mixing cornflour in water in an oven tray - wonderfully slimy - dc love that. I think some of the closest times we had were reading bedtime stories & all those lovely books … enjoy your time with him -

Fantastic updates, bunny! Even if you're pregnant and can't be too boisterous, if your son likes tickles and stuff you can still have a ball with them.

And BombayPotatoes4's post shows just how lucky your boy is.

Great fun that your son will remember in the future. Let them enjoy it , it is unfair, but obviously you will be the boring mum, but that is the way it is!

I'm so glad to see your mind change!

Rough and tumble play is really important - teaches coordination, social skills, builds the bond... all sorts of stuff!