Who is being unreasonable - MIL at Christmas

[beth1991]

Hi all
To cut a long story short my MIL is a maternal narcissist (just to put some context around my feelings about her!) my husband also isn't her biggest fan and has purposely rota'd himself on to work some days over Christmas to have an excuse not to see her 🙈

We live about 1hr 15 away from her and have a little girl who has just turned 2. Last year we hosted Christmas, she came down for the day with other family and some of my family also came for dinner. This year we just want to spend it at home just us 3, no exceptions.

She has insisted that she see us on the 27th December and gives our daughter her presents then. I am not ungrateful at all for anything our daughter receives but this has really annoyed me as it's from her completely selfish point of view that she wants to see her open them not that it may confuse our daughters concept of Christmas. I do understand that she's want to see her open them but with my daughter maybe not fully understanding Christmas but starting to, that way she's not going to think nannas presents were delivered by Santa.

Birthdays are obviously different, I have told my husband that it's not going to happen which he agrees. Opinions on do you think we're being unreasonable especially because of my opinion of her. Or do you think I'm being a complete cow and we should allow this for one more year? X

[Idolovetobebesidethesea]

YABU.
In our house Santa only brought stockings, no other presents. It was so much easier that way.
There was one mum at primary school who insisted all Christmas presents be given to her secretly before Christmas so that Santa could deliver them all. Her parents and in-laws really struggled with it and the rest of us just thought she was ridiculous.

[CottonHeadedNinyMuggins]

Santa never bought us presents as kids, I thjnk he just "delivered" them. My dad was made redundant when I was 6m old so he definitely wasn't going to let someone else get credit.

If it becomes a thing tell her santa accidentally got confused and left them for her at granny's with the presents he had for granny because he was so busy

[crustycrab]

In case the couple of hundred or so before me haven't got through to you, YABVVVVVVU. And ridiculous and PFB and downright nasty.

[siacolouredthesmallone]

Actually OP I think you have a very good point....

Nope - that's a complete Christmas fairy story; of COURSE I bloody don't!!! No one does! I cannot believe both you and your DH could possibly think this is anything other than horribly entitled, utterly mean-spirited, and totally batshit! I can't think of a better post for that oft-overused Mumsnet phrase "Are you on glue??"....

And totally agree with the PPs who called you out for the bollocks armchair mental-health diagnosis too. If your experience of her "narcissism" is limited to her not acceding to your ridiculous demands then she sounds like the only sane one out of the three of you. Sort yourself out!!!

[Her0utdoors]

Pick your battles. This sounds pretty OK in isolation but I'm sure there is a long list of times when the mil has pushed your boundaries so I don't think YABU, you know the woman and the effect she has on your family unit.

[Limpshade]

Still inwardly chuckling at the idea of ruining a 2 year old's "concept of Christmas"

[WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles]

Come on @beth1991 - please come back. You have three options here I think:

1. Say that you knew MN was a nest of vipers and flounce as everyone is mean and unkind and doesn't understand what MIL is like

1. Give us a massive drip feed like last Christmas she kidnapped DD on Boxing Day and told her Father Christmas wasn't real

1. Take it on the chin that YABU and change your mindset.

Please come back and do No. 3!

[MyGoodTimes]

YABU. Your MIL is not the problem here. Unsurprisingly, you are completely missing the real meaning of Christmas.

[Ellie56]

You are both totally batshit, very unreasonable and unkind. Not much Christmas spirit in your house is there? Your poor MIL.

[theemmadilemma]

YABU. So if you have to say Santa left some presents at Nan's.

If children don't question an old guy in a red suit climbing in houses I'm sure 'he stopped at Nan's house with some of your presents' will work just fine.

[ncfortuesday]

Oh give over!
You sound like a nightmare daughter in law and your DH sounds like a horrible son.

You are lucky she's bothering with your kid if this is the way you treat her! Coming all that way as well. It's not 'selfish' that she wants to see her open the gift, it's part of the joy of Xmas.

You're a nasty piece of work by the sounds of your OP, have a think about that.

[HopeMumsnet]

Hi all,
The OP has deregged so we've decided that rather than waste everyone's time we will close this thread to further posts. [santa]