Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I am struggling to cope with dd2

56 replies

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:16

She is a 19 month old whirlwind.
I am beginning to think i can't cope with her.
She climbs constantly,deliberately does stuff to annoy,in/out of fridge,cupboards etc,tv on/off,fans on/off she literally does not stop.
I used to get brief respite when she went for a morning nap but since dd1 has been off school for the holidays ,she will not go to sleep.
All i do all day is shout and say no and chase her around the house,picking up her trail of destruction.
She is 10 times the work that dd1 was ,i am so tired all the time.
I am struggling to deal with depression/ anxiety
How can i enjoy her?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

berolina · 16/08/2007 22:22

I empathise. ds was/is (sorry, it's not a whole lot better at 2.3) of this type. What might help you is understanding that it's not 'deliberately [...] to annoy', really it's not. It's an entirely natural urge to discover, explore, try things out. Small children need to be resistant to 'no' to some degree, as they need, in iorder to develop, the drive to overcome obstacles. My main recommendation would be: pick your battles. We soon moved towards only getting very strong on those things which were actually dangerous (to himself or others) or permanently destructive (pulling leaves off plants) (oh, and 'disrespectful' things such as walking over books and jumping on musical instruments) and otherwise clearing as much temptation as possible out of his way and resigning ourselves to some mess. Can you give her a cupboard or cupboards she is allowed to explore? This has worked well with ds. He is also allowed to play with the mouse/keyboard when the computer is off, but not when it is on - he's pretty irrepressible in this regard but we are consistent and I assume it will sink in eventually.

magsi · 16/08/2007 22:25

Sounds just like my ds2. 21 months and is exactly the same as your dd. I spend all day removing him from situations and saying no. Poor thing got a smack on the leg today because he was pulling OUT his sisters (3.5) hair AGAIN. Trouble is when I say 'naughty' to him he just laughs in my face and repeats it. He climbs, is in and out of cupboards but on the other hand he is fantastic, lovely and exhausting all at the same time. I am looking forward to the stage (and it is just a stage) finishing. I find the garden a good release for him and far less cause for me to 'tail' him to remove him from potential catastrophies (sp?).

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:27

I have no spare cupboards so that is out of the question.
I did do her a box of stuff to look at/sort through but she is not really interested.
When i say she deliberately does stuff,she smirks and laughs prior to or when she is doing something wrong.
I have always wanted 3 children but i am seriously thinking not now.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

FrayedKnot · 16/08/2007 22:28

I have a DS who is always on th go (3.4 now and has slowed down a bit but still has times when he appears to me to be on some kind of stimulant )

My ideas are

Loads of of fresh air & exercise
Get out and about
Play in garden (sand, water, soil etc)
Heuristic play (sp?)

Fresh air & exercise good for depression, too

Build in times for her to forceably rest - can you go for walks with ehr in pushchair? On the back of a bike? Do you drive? Does she sleep in the car?

She might go back to her nap when school starts up again [hopeful]

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:29

Magsi-The garden is not much safer,there is a lot of gravelled areas and she puts the stones in her mouth deliberately and runs off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:31

Frayedknot-She won't ever sleep in her pushchair,never has.
I am learning to drive at the moment so i can't just put her in the car,although she does nod off in the car.

OP posts:

berolina · 16/08/2007 22:32

It won't be a 'doing something wrong and enjoying it' type grin, though, it's a (again, quite natural) 'I'm pleased with myself at making this exciting discovery (possibly against some resistance)' thing. I just think it might make you feel a bit more able to cope with it if you don't have the feeling she's doing it to wind you up.

ds loves to 'help', and has done since your dd's age or even before (can't quite remember). Involve her in simple tasks where not too much can go wrong - unloading dishwasher and passing stuff to you, carrying washing, etc.

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:34

To be honest i find myself wishing for bedtime constantly so i can get some head space.
Being at work(only 16 hours) is a relief .

OP posts:

berolina · 16/08/2007 22:34

Oh, I do miss the afternoon nap (he abandoned it just shortly after his 2nd birthday), but you adapt. We get an earlier bedtime out of it, which is not saying a lot as it's still pointless to get him to bed before 8.30 or 9 (he does sleep until at least 7.30/8am, though). Any chance of building a quiet time into the day - sitting on the sofa reading stories, for example? ds is a big bookworm.

FrayedKnot · 16/08/2007 22:35

Perhaps it would be fairer to say her behaviour is aimed at getting your attnetion in some way?!

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:36

She won't sit still long enough to listen to stories or have quiet time.
dd1 used to be a bookworm so i could always get a bit of piece.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 22:38

no advice my DS is like this but he still naps during the day (blessed relief) which keeps me sane. Working is a nice break when they;re like this isn't it. I just try to wear him out as much as possible, walk him everywhere (with reins on if necessary), I have given up trying to stop him put gravel in his mouth - frankly I'm sure he only does it to wind me up and since I've stopped trying he is hardly doing it.

I let him empty out all the cupboards he likes (all breakable stuff in high cupboards) except for the fridge which has a lock.

Have you tried taking her swimming?

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:38

I agree Frayedknot but i don't know how to stop her?
We always did the reward the good behaviour with attention thing with dd1 and have tried to do the same with dd2 but she doesn't really do anything 'good' to reward.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 22:40

what time does she get up - DS sleeps from about 8-6.30 so he is ready for a nap by 1pm.

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:40

Kewcumber-Swimming i don't do i'm afraid,am useless myself,just flounder and so self conscious in a costume.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:41

Time she gets up varies from 6.30 -7.30.
We have had lots of sleep problems with her in the past.

OP posts:

berolina · 16/08/2007 22:42

You need to look for the 'good' things, and praise up every minuscule one. And do try not to see what she does do so much as 'bad' - I know it is desperately wearing, I have been (and am) there. Possibly it seems even more acute to you because of the contrast with dd1.

berolina · 16/08/2007 22:43

You don't have to swim yourself - go to the shallow end/children's pool and float her around.

Pannacotta · 16/08/2007 22:45

DS1 is like this and it IS exhausting. Think you have had some v good advice here. I agree with what Frayedknow says about outdoor play, this at least works well for us as it gives DS1 the chance to let off lots of steam.
Have also found that ignoring things like playing with the tv/fan/light swtiches etc means that after a while he tires of it, seems to work better for us than saying no all the time.
Would def try to encourage a daytime nap as I think kids like this really need it or they get over tired and even harder work.
DS1 started napping in his cot quite late on, after a year (would only sleep in his buggy before then) but still does now and he is 2.7. Hope it gets easier. I do sympathise....

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:46

We tried to take her in the pool on complex on holiday and she just screamed and screamed,it was awful.

OP posts:

Pannacotta · 16/08/2007 22:48

Doesn't really have to be "good" stuff to praise in your terms, just everyday developmental things, like learning how to do sth new for herself, a new physical skill, or saying a new word etc.
I do think praising the good is the best way of dealing with a lively/difficult child.

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:49

Everything is a problem for her.
She has even started making a fuss if she has fluff or something on her hands and the other night when'watching' In the night garden she was fussing because Iggle Piggle was dirty.
I know i sound really hard on her but i cannot enjoy her company.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 22:49

absolutely you have to swim in fact just swathe yourself in a shroud and stand in the shallow end - far better if you don't actually want to swim yourself.

I don't have an older child to compare to so I have always assumed his behaviour was pretty normal until other parents started saying "ooh he really doesn't stop does he!"

I don;t bother with good/bad behaviour things at this age. I don't think he's exactly trying to be naughty - he just has a lot of energy and poor impulse control. I just focus on physical games rather than books etc. He will sit down and watch a little TV so I give him a couple of short bursts of that. Books mostly at bedtime with milk. Lots of tickling games and helping him climb (onto things he's allowed to ) - upside down flowerpots, stairs etc that are a bit of a challenge.

Treat her like a boy (some of the "boy threads are quite helpful)

Pannacotta · 16/08/2007 22:49

Perhaps you can also try and keep her out of soem parts of the house using stairgates, damage limitation....

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 16/08/2007 22:52

I'm trying to remember dd1 at this age (and failing miserably)

Something that seem to work in our house at the moment is when dd1 smacks or throws something then I will get one of her treats out of the cupboard and give it to the injured party e.g. the dog, dd2 or me!

Will that work for one so young?

I am so sorry that you're finding it hard to enjoy your lo.

Hold her close, just before bedtime and have a good cuddle. Hopefully that will make you feel a little better about how your day went.

Thinking of you x

Flip

1 2 3