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Parenting

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Original poster

I am struggling to cope with dd2

56 replies

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:16

She is a 19 month old whirlwind.
I am beginning to think i can't cope with her.
She climbs constantly,deliberately does stuff to annoy,in/out of fridge,cupboards etc,tv on/off,fans on/off she literally does not stop.
I used to get brief respite when she went for a morning nap but since dd1 has been off school for the holidays ,she will not go to sleep.
All i do all day is shout and say no and chase her around the house,picking up her trail of destruction.
She is 10 times the work that dd1 was ,i am so tired all the time.
I am struggling to deal with depression/ anxiety
How can i enjoy her?

OP posts:

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FrayedKnot · 16/08/2007 22:55

It must be difficult tho with the age gap I expect your DD1 has completely different needs.

DS is a good sleeper and nodded off anywhere so I always timed walks / drives for naps if I needed some headspace. I would have gone insane without that so my sympathies.

Now of course he doesn;t have a nap...

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:55

I think we may as well just fit locks to every room in the house.

Thanks for the advice
I am dreading another round of it tomorrow.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 22:57

yes dd1 is 4 years older,she wants me to bake or make things with her and i can't because dd2 always spoils it.
dd1 can be so patient with her.

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margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 16/08/2007 23:11

gwan pop your head through the door and watch her while she's sleeping. bet she looks like a little angel.

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 23:12

but she probably isn;t trying to spoil it - she's probably trying to join in. Could you make something that she could join in with? Don;t know what, I haven;t tried cooking with DS.

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 23:16

I daren't do that Margo she will wake up if i open the door.

joining in,she seems to like colouring so i give her crayons and paper and she just eats the crayons,same with coloured pencils(except she knaws on them)

OP posts:

berolina · 16/08/2007 23:16

when you bake biscuits (for example), make a little extra dough and give it to dd2 (in a nice BIIIG bowl) to bang and play around with? Ikea do a little toy rolling pin and cake tin/biscuit cutters set - maybe you could get her those to play around with.

berolina · 16/08/2007 23:19

She does sound a bit like her ideas/'ambitions' to do things are ahead of her actual abilities. It probably wants channelling - I know that#s easy to say and how difficult it must be, especially with school hols (ds is my PFB ).

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 23:22

are you sure your DD isn;t my ds? God no, not crayons! Try acquadraw or if you're brave a biro. I bolt ds to the kitchen table with one of htose travel seat that bolt directly into the table ratehr than onto chair and it stops him being too destructive with a biro.

Also can;t pop my head around the door without waking him up!

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 23:23

I have considered playdough but am scared she will eat it.
I will try going down the sand,water route though.

OP posts:

berolina · 16/08/2007 23:24

When ds went through a phase of scribbling in my diaries, we took him to a posh stationery shop and made a big fuss of buying him his own lovely notebook and biro. Now, when he attacks my diary he is reminded of his own special book. It works. Most of the time

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 23:25

an DS really doesn't play with toys much - spends most of him time putting things in his pushchair and pushing them around. He loves to do things for me though so if I need 10 mins peace and quiet I give him a sieve and say "put it in the pushchair for mummy" then when he's returned, move onto a spoon etc etc until one of us gets bored...

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 23:25

She is just missing a couple of parts Kewcumber.
She seems to actually eat crayons by flavour.

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 16/08/2007 23:27

DS hasn;t got the patience for playdough (frnakly eating it wouldn;t worry me - tis quite safe) last time I tried wiht friends DC's they all sat hapily playing whilst he gave it a fw token thumps mostly (I think) to keep me happy then wriggled down and played on the rocking horse.

He is lovely though and such fun when you get in tune with him. He has an almost adult sense of humour at times.

Pannacotta · 16/08/2007 23:39

Have a look at this thread on here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=365211
Sounds ike it might be good for your DD - DS1 is very interested in things with unusual textures so am going to create a spceial basket/box for him.

Pannacotta · 16/08/2007 23:39

its the heuristic play idea, Frayedknot mentioned it earlier.

Original poster

Beauregard · 16/08/2007 23:44

Thanks
I did make up a basket of stuff but she is too old i believe for it.
Frsnny did suggest other things of which i can't remember.

OP posts:

Pannacotta · 16/08/2007 23:50

Theres loads of info on the thread about different age groups and what is good for them.
You sound pretty fed up, how about asking family/friends for help in taking DD2 or even a child minder/nursery for a few hours to give you a break?

HonoriaGlossop · 17/08/2007 00:00

in answer to the question in the OP, maybe you can give yourself a chance to enjoy her a bit more by:
Help for your anxiety/depression? Hope you're not struggling along with no help?

toddler proof house so that you limit her arena of damage! Fridge locks, cupboard locks, stairgates on doors, locks on doors, use a playpen.

Don't think about rewarding good behaviour with attention at this age. She's only 19 months - she needs your attention and input and guidance pretty much all the time so you just won't have the opportunity to withdraw your attention from bad stuff, enough to make the 'good' attention felt.

Don't think about her as 'deliberately' doing stuff. At 19 months old there is only so much sense that you can expect from her; she's a baby still. Her 'deliberate' is not the same as an older child, even if she knows it's wrong, she is a baby and can't be judged in the same way IMO. She has to be given TIME to learn this stuff!

I just think you need to physically bar her as much as possible from mischief, re-look at your expectations of her, and check that you are getting all the help you need so that you can cope as well as possible.

Original poster

Beauregard · 17/08/2007 12:02

we have just had a naptime stand off,i think i may have won!
[hopeful]
If i can get her to have her nap again it will help.

HonoriaGlossop-I have had a few sessions of cbt for the depression/anxiety but it is very difficult to make it stick.

Thanks everyone for all of the advice .

OP posts:

oneplusone · 17/08/2007 21:23

Just an idea which is in the news every now and then, have you looked at what she eats? Fish oils are meant to be good at helping children concentrate and calm their behaviour, perhaps you could try some?

Pannacotta · 17/08/2007 22:25

Good suggestion, I bought some fish oil supps for DS1 (specially for children) and he is def better when he takes them.

Original poster

Beauregard · 17/08/2007 23:03

Ah def worth considering,thanks.

OP posts:

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 17/08/2007 23:49

Did you have a better day today?

Original poster

Beauregard · 18/08/2007 19:51

Hi Margo,yes thanks was not too bad today and yesterday ,i managed to escape to work today though

OP posts:

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