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What things have surprised/shocked you most since becoming a parent?

43 replies

Muddytoes1 · 25/10/2019 11:27

For me I mainly thought I’d enjoy it more. We do have fun times together as a family but the majority is just grinding, relentless hard work. I knew it would be hard work but I didn’t realise how little I would actually enjoy it. I adore them and don’t regret having them at all but it is something that I definitely wasn’t prepared for. On a more positive note I am always surprised at the way children think and how their little minds work and develop. What things have surprised or shocked you?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CharlieB93 · 25/10/2019 11:50

Do you regret it? (As awful as that sounds)
I’m pregnant with my first and have no idea how I’m going to feel when they’re here..

Transpeaked · 25/10/2019 11:51

How utterly misogynistic and abusive and lazy men can be.

tumbleisatwat · 25/10/2019 11:53

How hard sleep deprivation is.

That was by far the hardest think I have ever done. Nothing comes close, nothing.

How much I love him and how much fun it is now he's older.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/10/2019 11:53
  1. How fast the years fly by, even when the days feel long
  2. How much I hate having to remember about mealtimes
  3. How little sleep I can actually manage on
  4. How much having dc would make me sweat the small stuff a LOT less
  5. How little else actually matters in my life than "is my family happy"?
Brackish · 25/10/2019 11:56

That the baby stage is uniformly ghastly, but my son is an utter delight. That after the baby stage, I eventually got my entire self back, but with the added bonus of a child — I didn’t turn into some other creature called a ‘mother’. How much more professionally ambitious it’s made me.

Spied · 25/10/2019 11:57

How you can be utterly at your wits' end then one little smile or comment and your heart melts and you seem to gather a whole other load of extra strength and patience.

Hugsgalore · 25/10/2019 12:02

The sleep deprivation for sure. My dd was awful. It only got better at 4.
The monotony of daily life.
How much she has added to my life.
That the best thing in the world is to hear her giggle and see her genuinely smile.

MustardScreams · 25/10/2019 12:07

How bloody ridiculous toddlers are. I obviously read about tantrums and their funny little foibles, but living it is something else entirely. Some days I wonder how the chuff I’m going to continue with dd being so utterly difficult. But then she hugs me and it’s ok again.

It’s like living with a tiny dictator and then your best friend a million times a day. It’s exhausting!

StrawberryGoo · 25/10/2019 12:07

Just how little time I have to do anything that doesn’t involve racing after a toddler.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/10/2019 12:11

How easy having a newborn was. It’s much harder now she’s mobile! I couldn’t imagine what having a baby would be like, despite knowing many and having several younger siblings. The drudgery isn’t as hard as I’d imagined and she’s a healthy, sturdy, easy going baby so it’s been much easier then I’d worried.

The hardest thing, which I never saw coming, was the grinding weight of responsibility I feel. I remember sobbing on DH’s shoulder when she was a couple of weeks old, a tiny scrap of a thing snoozing away and saying I can’t cope with how responsible I feel now, it’s like a heavy weight of my shoulders, she only has us to keep her safe.

At the risk of making anyone puke, I’ve also been amazed at how having a baby has strengthened our relationship, how much more I love DH, respect and admire him. He was already a dad to my DSC and I knew he was a good parent but to see him chatting with DD, singing her songs, changing her carefully and dressing her and entertaining her, supporting me and how he kept everything going when I was recovering, he’s the best decision I ever made. All you ever hear is how a baby can ruin your marriage and, so far, I’m glad that’s not been the case for us.

Getting and staying pregnant was a shit load harder than expected so I may be blinded by the sheer relief that stage is over.

ShowYourselfLucifer · 25/10/2019 12:11
  1. Just how frighteningly protective and defensive I can be.

  2. That the newborn rush of love doesn't happen for the majority everyone. It's okay if it doesn't.

  3. I can do a lot on an hours sleep.

  4. That everyone is a good parent, until they become one (for unsolicited, crappy advice...)

  5. As a PP said, just how misogynistic, useless and vile men can be

  6. A purple cup or blue plate can ruin a toddlers life.

  7. How many people are truly there for you.

  8. Apart from food, nappies, clean clothes, a bed and their mum - newborns don't need much at all.

There's so many things that having DD has taught me I could be listing them all day!

MsPepperPotts · 25/10/2019 12:22

The fact that they grow into adults and cause more issues than they did as children.

Carparkticket · 25/10/2019 12:23

I honestly didn’t know how hard it would be
Sleep deprivation is the worst
I didn’t like the baby stage, I thought I would
How I would love someone this much
I am still surprised that I am a mum, it is like a parallel universe

Titsywoo · 25/10/2019 12:27

That they won't be the people you expected them to be. Mine are teens now and are completely different personality wise than I expected. Not in a negative way of course. I got pregnant in my early 20's so I don't really remember life before kids. Best thing I ever did though even if some of it has been hard. They make me laugh so much every day.

Mylittlepony374 · 25/10/2019 12:30

How much other women judge my parenting.

How I feed them, how they sleep, how I manage behaviour, who cares for them when I'm at work, the fact that I work etc etc.

I really try to support all new mums around me more now.

Imicola · 25/10/2019 12:37

I couldn't believe how loudly a tiny newborn could fart! Shocking. Other than that probably just how quickly they learn and develop, and how they never want to just sit down and chill out, they are always trying, testing, experimenting! Makes me feel so lazy.

Paythosebitchesnomind269 · 25/10/2019 12:41

How much hard work toddlers are - much harder than newborns.

OverthinkingThis · 25/10/2019 12:43

Afterpains from labour - every time I bf for the first day or two I got contraction-type pain. No one told me about that.

How noisy newborns are when they sleep! Snuffling, farting

The constant anxiety - I never used to be a worrier

How soon you start to see their little personality coming out

I didn't like mat leave as much as I thought I would

Basilicaofthemind · 25/10/2019 12:55

How much hard work the toddler years were. I expected the good times to outweigh the bad but actually the cycle of tantrums, boundary pushing and attention seeking is just exhausting and tedious. Would work full time if I had to do it again! Totally different now they’re at school.

pastaparadise · 25/10/2019 13:04

How much they can test your patience- I'm usually a really calm patient person, but it's so unfuriating when they just won't do what you need them to e.g brush teeth.

How much time is spent on getting them up, dressed, fed, etc leaving less time for the day inbetween getting up and going to bed ie a lot of drudgery as well as fun bits

How gorgeous they are to scoop up and cuddle, to smell, to tickle. That my happiness now is completely dependent on theirs, and how much i want to be the centre of their world.

Regreteitherway · 25/10/2019 15:25

How much hard work it is! And how lonely it can be. I thought being a stay at home mum would make me a lady that lunches 😂😂😂 some days brushing my hair and cleaning my face is an achievement.

MustardScreams · 25/10/2019 15:26

@Regreteitherway I went back to work to get a break 😂😂

Regreteitherway · 25/10/2019 15:29

@MustardScreams that is my plan as soon as I can sort childcare 😂

user1493413286 · 25/10/2019 15:30

On the positive side - how much I could love them/how much love they evoke from me
On the negative side - how my life would be turned upside down while my husbands remained relatively the same and how much resentment I would feel towards him.
Also how I can function on so little sleep or while I’m so tired.

tumbleisatwat · 25/10/2019 15:34

This thread highlights how different we all are.

Newborn stage nearly killed me. Hated it.

I love having a high-energy two year old, even with the tantrums! Happiest I have ever been.

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