What things have surprised/shocked you most since becoming a parent?

[Muddytoes1]

For me I mainly thought I’d enjoy it more. We do have fun times together as a family but the majority is just grinding, relentless hard work. I knew it would be hard work but I didn’t realise how little I would actually enjoy it. I adore them and don’t regret having them at all but it is something that I definitely wasn’t prepared for. On a more positive note I am always surprised at the way children think and how their little minds work and develop. What things have surprised or shocked you?

How spiteful / aggressive / bullying some other children can be, and how hard it would be to teach my children how to deal with that.
Although I don’t know why I’m shocked there were kids like that when I was at school too.

I found it so much easier than expected. I burst into tears at a BBQ when I was heavily pregnant having been told for the nth time how difficult having a baby was and the first 6 weeks were the worst 6 weeks of their life! They were all wrong it’s been brilliant and I love being a mum. Watching a little person learn, evolve and grow is so interesting, especially when they are yours!

The tedious bit for me is having to feed them 3 healthy nutritious meals a day and then clear it all up. Especially when I’m not hungry and can’t be bothered. That really is the hardest bit for me and in all honesty it’s not that hard really!

That I'm still me. I somehow thought I'd turn mammyish. How much more fun it is that I expected.

I'm surprised at the lengths I go to get the best support for my dcs. I will not back down. I have even quoted the law in a formal letter of complaint to ds2's school. I am surprised at how much of myself I devote to my dcs. All of me. I have been told by professionals involved in their care that I'm a good mum. I have an abusive mother, so I really have had no framework to follow. I was always worried that I would be a bad mother, because I was never good enough for my parents. I'm surprised at how much I love my dcs, again because my parents hate me and want to hurt me, I never thought I would be good at anything. Having my dcs made me realise what was wrong with my parents and gave me the strength to stand up to them. They made me realise that I don't have to put up with my parents abuse. But when it comes to my dcs I'm told I will 'go for the jugular ', to get what's best for them. I put up with 40 years of abuse from my parents, so to stand up for what is right is really hard for me. My dcs have additional needs, so need an advocate.

How much I love my son and being a mother. That I'm much better at it than I thought I would be! (Had my DS late after years of never wanting kids at all so perhaps didn't go into it rosy-eyed, which helps)

That I would COMPLETELY loose myself
In every way
Literally be a shell of my former self
Genuinely didn't think I could loose my personality but I did...

Slowly slowly getting myself back and my youngest is 16 months

I've been shocked by just how relentless it is. I mean, I knew it would be hard, but the daily grind really just never stops. My children are only 2 and 4 and I'm 8 months pregnant though, so that probably affects my thinking!

On the plus side, I don't like children, never have. I did want them but other people's children really don't interest me at all. I have been shocked by how endlessly fascinating I find my own children, how interesting and funny they are and how they are actually good company!

Also naively thought I'd have loads of support
Our families were so happy and kept banging on how much they would help and they couldn't wait

Literally not one single family member ever ever babysits or to be honest even has much to do with the kids
They just aren't bothered at all
And how much that would hurt me and how jealous and resentful I would feel when I see people with lovely families who offer so much physical and emotional support and I get nothing
Literally cry when I see kids with their loving grandparents 😬

Didn't see it coming I guess

Wow thanks so much for all the responses! Was having a tough day (we tough-er I guess) and just really wanted to vent. These responses have cheered me up and made me feel less alone . My gorgeous babies are giving me the biggest cuddles now too

How much of a soft touch I am. I never understood why people used to bend to their child’s every whim, didn’t see the issue with cry it out methods etc.... now my child’s cry hurts my heart. I have morphed into a breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping mum and I’ve loved every second

The toll that pregnancy and childbirth can take physically and mentally.
What good company your own children can be.
That babies can be fairly easy and good sleepers (I was very lucky).
How fascinating it is to see who they turn out like. I'd sort of expected dd to be like me and ds to be like dh (illogical, I know), but actually it's the other way around.

to those of you having a tough time xx

How much I am enjoying the teenage years. I thought it would be dire but their friends tumble hungrily in and out of my house and chat to me and make me tea and are so much fun. The long periods of no response but a grunt are more than made up for by the intermittent high quality (but short) conversations.

How quickly your friends drop you.
And then how quickly your mum friends drop you when your DC has SEN.
And how unsupportive schools can be. And other people who are paid to support your DC.

How sexist society is towards boys as well as girls.

How lovely it is to have a cuddle from your 7 year old.
And when your children can read.
And when you do your DD's hair.
And when you see your DC1 showing you what they learned in their activity that you weren't watching.

How utterly selfish some of my friends are, constantly forgetting that I cant spontaneously pop to the pub when they feel like it and refusing to socialise any other way.

How much I love my son, despite the fact that I'm not a naturally maternal person and often don't enjoy parenthood. The thought of anyone hurting him is physically painful.

How much I would love them. It wasn't instantaneous, I feel it was mutually grown over a year or so.

How much I would enjoy the daily grind. I love going into dcs bedroom in the morning to messy hair and smiles, love the chaos of breakfast, bath and bed, I even like doing laundry and making nice meals for them. It makes me feel good knowing there are these little people in the world that are warm, cared for, clean, fed and loved. The satisfaction that gives is like an endorphin rush!

Every day isn't rosy though, I was definitely surprised at my temper, especially with a toddler that WILL JUST NO DO anything you need them to!

I was surprised at how much more ambitious it made me at work. I thought I would slow right down, but instead it's like a promotion isn't just benefitting me anymore, the more money I make the more my dcs will benefit.

How judgemental other people are. Yes it's a dummy. Yes it's a bottle not a boob. Ain't no shame in my game.

There's a million more, basically in a nutshell the whole experience is nothing like I thought it would be!

Dspouse yes, school mums drop you like it's catching. I'm glad my dcs are older so they're not being ignored at party time or for playing at a friend's house. Junior school years were hard socially. Although ds2 is finding secondary school difficult, not academically, everything else.

As grateful as i am.. that i have the traditional old school dad hallmarks - i love them and would kill for them and i enjoy our family weekend days out, but i sometimes rather stay late at work than face carer type duties (cooking, immense amount of cleaning, settling sibling fights, whining, school admin, the constant need for attention/approval/emotional support, dumb jokes, general dumbness and laziness of my kids). I happen to dislike all other children too. I do love watching them sleep though.

I could never voluntarily choose to be a carer, primary school teacher, nurse, PA, waitress or cook so it's just me.