How well would you say you were coping?

[specialmagiclady]

I've got 2 x DSs, 21.6 and 20 weeks old respectively. And I just feel like in lots of ways I'm not coping. Not emotionally, I'm not depressed, but physically!

I'm a pretty good mum, my babies are darlings. But I can't get ANYTHING done. For every wash I put on, two seem to materialise. I'm hardly cooking any more. My husband comes home from work and does almost all the housework. I've been trying to organise a naming ceremony and building work and it just feels like I'm swimming through custard every day.

I don't even get to make the beds for some reason. This was always my absolute must-do in terms of housework - you know, it could look like a bomb's hit the rest of the room but if the bed's made it's okay. But now that's out the window.

I have a cleaner and DS1 goes to nursery 2 mornings a week, so I have LOADS of help. My husband is incredibly cooperative. I'm sure that my friends who all have toddlers and new babies get so much more done than me. Some of them run part-time businesses and volunteer as well, and I can't even keep my house tidy. Gaaaah!

I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but if you don't know how high the tide is, how do you know how hard you have to swim to keep your head above water??

So, how well are you doing?

Erm, about the same as you.

washing is a nightmare. i manage about 4 meals cooked from scratch per week. i dont iron. i have a small house...

oh ans i have 2 dc. dd 2yrs and ds nearly 4.

I have one baby, a cleaner, a dh who works from home and plenty of help from close-by in-laws and, y'know what, there isn't a tidy table top, work surface, bed or chair in my (small) flat. We're even running out of clear carpet space. In fact, I actually got DH to put off the cleaning company who were meant to come today because the place is so bad.

Specialmagiclady, I love you. Thank you so much for starting this thread.

I have an 8 month old and a 2 year old. The 2 year old is at nursery 3 days a week. We have a cleaner for 2 hours a week. DH does loads. I hardly manage to open my post. The food that gets thrown on the floor tends to stay there for a couple of days.

So.....about the same as you

I used to have a cleaner, but haven't had one since we moved, as I can be bothered to tidy up.

I never make the beds.

I seldom iron, as my children seem to get through several outfits a day. DH folds and puts away. I take his work shirts and my linen tousers to an ironing company.

Poeple ask me what I will do when my youngest starts school, and I tell them I will finally have an organised house.

If you really want to get the house work done, view it as a payed job. write down what you need to do and do it.

I found breast feeding a baby trows every organised plan out of the window though...

I find the people who seem organised stay up 'till midnight doing house work.

Mine falls apart when I am shouting at my kids for things that annoy me rather than for things that are actually naughty. The house is okay, I have 3 boys, I don't iron, I rarely cook as so bad at it and feel like I should be spending more time playing and less time tidying up and on mn

The thing that does my head in is that in order to get my surfaces wiped - about once a week - in the kitchen and keep the rodents at bay, my toddler has to be occupied in, say, taking all the cushions off the sofa and making a den, or "cooking" with raw pasta all over the floor or just zonked in front of the telly for yet more Cbeebies (or stab stab stab Singing Kettle). Two steps forward, 4 back.

It's not like I'm expecting to do fucking flower arranging or anything!

I'm crap aswell. the washing is in a HUGE abandoned 'pile' in the diningroom. The table is covered in ironed clothes I am just too damn lazy to take upstairs and put away and as a result we eat in the lounge (which no longer has a nice clean/new carpet!). The loo has things growing up it - trying to excape! I am 'crunching' my way round the house everyday because I only hoover when the cream carpets look brown. I do cook from scratch a lot though. I cleaned the fridge the other day because I opened it and was sooooo ashamed at the amount of 'shit' in it. The only time my house gets a good spring clean is when the MIL comes down and stays about three times a year. And when she does, she goes round cleaning anyway!
(I have three under 6 by the way - say no more). Don't beat yourself up. Whenyou spend all day refereeing the various boxing matches between the kids, routine goes out the flippin window. (thats my excuse and i'm sticking to it ).

I have one dd (15 months) and am at home fulll time. My house is constantly a nightmare. I cook everyday from scratch and make sure dd has lots of lovely clean clothes but that is about it. I've never been a good housewife and since dd came along to distract me I am a disaster. DH washes his own clothes and tidies the kitchen most days. I try to keep the bedroom and bathroom semi-respectable and fail miserably. Thought about trying the 'fly' but typical me never got around to starting.

I'm lucky if all of us are wearing the right amount of clothes (and by that I don't mean for the weather, I mean knickers, 2 socks, 2 shoes etc!!!)

I have a DS 17 months, and DD 4yrs

God I'm so glad it's not just me!
I have a ds, 2yrs. Dh works away so when he's away I just tread water, when he's home things change for better and worse as he shares the work load but also makes more work! House is pretty large, I regret not listening when friend told me to "build a very small house...!"
I always cook meals but sometimes little is left to the imagination! The kitchen is clean, but hardly tidy. I sweep the floor but haven't washed it in 2 months.
I hoover, but not everyday.
I do iron our clothes, I'm lucky if I start before 10pm. I also do the washing & ironing for a cottage which gets left till the last minute. The laundry room is emptied and filled at the same time, like a continuous cycle.
Stuff constantly falls out of every kitchen cupboard when I open the door- I think "hmm, must clear that one out next".....6 months later the same thought is still lurking.
I end up cleaning the bathroom while ds is in the bath. And usually only if my Mum is coming!
I only got my bedroom tidied yesterday because ds went to MIL's for an hour.
We have just set up a business and I have been successfuly drowning in paperwork. I haven't been to bed before 1am in 2 months.
AND we're ttc, -I wonder where the time is going to magically appear from if I do actually have another baby!
When people say "I don't know what I did before I had kids" I say "I do! Stuff I don't get done now!" I started knitting a blanket while pg, it is still only half done. Bought an embroidery pack for a wedding card, for 18/06/05 and it is only a quarter done!

Oh and MN is only a little to blame!

Thank goodness for this thread it makes me feel normal.

I have 3 DC,aged 3,21 months and 11 weeks and am finding it really hard this week tbh.

DS1 and 2 are always fighting I have an ironing pile the size of a small country and the only room that's tidy is the living room,plus DS1 has decided that weeing in the toilet is boring in the pants is best!

I feel shamed at how untidy everywhere is especially if anyone comes round but after reading everyones comments I'll try to chill out about it a bit more.

Now DH does help with the cleaning and cooking at weekends but he's in bad books this week as when I told him things were getting me down this week he said if you're finding things tough get a job

Ok - no cleaner, dh and I both work f/t, one dd (3).

The house is always a state and the important things get prioritised - dh does nearly all cooking and dishwashing, I do laundry constantly, clean bathroom when I remember, and everything else gets done randomly and not that often...

The house is too untidy for us to have a cleaner - there would be no point!

Post doesn't get opened for 2.5 weeks on average.

My cousin and sister who both have kids, work, and have immaculate houses are usually up at 1am cleaning floors.

I OTOH am happily in bed by 10.30 in my pigsty. I have (almost) stopped worrying about it.

Our house is always a mess, toys, glitter, glue everywhere, I do tidy every few days but it's completely pointless whilst DC's are on hols, within 2 seconds it's back how it was.

I have piles of laundry in baskets waitng to be folded and put away and most of the time nothing gets put away and we just rummage around in the basket to find clean clothes!

I only manage to cook from scratch a couple of times a week, or half from scratch.

I have 2 DC's, DD 4 and DS 15 months and duringn the hols I would just rather be out of the house with them most of the day as it causes less mess but then the housework doesn't get done either. I have a cleaner who comes once a week for 3 hours which is great, the house looks lovely once she's finished but by the end of the next day it's as if she's never been! I keep the kitchen clean (if not tidy) and have done a bit extra today and will do some more tomorrow as MIL is coming over at the weekend .

I am hoping that once the hols are over things will improve but somehow I doubt it.

I try and keep on top of the paperwork, have just implemented a new filing system which seems to be working after I broke down in tears a few weeks ago at the amount of paperwork unopened/opened lying about throughout the entire house.

It does get to me sometimes, there's biro on the walls and on my lovely leather sofa, but I have nearly accepted that it will be like this for the next few years and then maybe things will improve?!

This is a great thread, thanks specialmagiclady for starting it!

I am a SAHM of 2 DSs - DS1 is 3 and he is in nursery for about 1/2 time, and DS2 (9 months) is home with me.

I have a cleaner who comes for 3 hrs once a week, she cleans the floors, vacuums, does DH's work shirts - nothing else gets ironed.

I try to keep on top of the housework by doing a little every day, and have implemented aspects of the Fly System - the 15 minute thing is wonderful! You can get so much done if you set a timer for 15 mins and stop when the timer does.

I have loads though of things on my "to-do" list that never get done...

DH is great too, he helps getting the DSs to bed, and more often than I do he will cook dinner.

I do get down though about the toys that seem to overtake the house! I would so love a "kid-free" room that was actually adult-looking, somewhere for DH and I to relax, but not sure that will happen for a long-time (are thinking about possibly extending our house, it's too expensive to move!)

Oneplusone - glitter everywhere sounds like an excellent form of untidiness!

Bramblina, I have some rolls of fabric under the spare room bed for new curtains. Bought in summer 05 and cost over £100 and still not done....

The garden is so weedy our neighbour has offered to spray it for us, to stop the seeds blowing all over his garden

I feel I have found my spiritual home - my house is not what it should be either. I hoover a couple of times a week but only downstairs (upstairs gets done occasionally)and I sweep the hard floor in the dining room every other day or else you crunch around on breakfast cereal. I do piles of ironing but it seems I haven't seen the bottom of the ironing basket for about 3 years now. The main problem is that there is now stuff in there that the children no longer fit into which therefore doesn't need ironing so it just stays there. I just cherry pick off the top.

My DH loads the dishwasher once a day which is his contribution to the pot and very helpful it is too as he does it after tea when I have just about given up the ghost for the day.

I am a SAHM and I keep thinking that my house should be spotless as I should have the time to do it but it doesn't work like that because being home means more mess. A vicious circle. I suppose that if I worked and there was nobody home it would stay tidy and I could afford a cleaner!!

The toilet is always clean though and for about 8 hours (i.e. overnight) the kitchen is clean but not very tidy. Doesn't help that I am a horder and have piles of stuff around which I hold on to until I have time to read or deal with it. Maybe when the children have left home

I have 2 DS of 7 and 3. The 3 yr old has been going to nursery 2 mornings a week but by the time I have dropped him off and picked him up again I suppose I only have 4 child-free hours a week and I don't really want to waste that precious time on housework (although I do usually end up sorting washing and putting on a load).

I am hoping that as he will do one full day (9 -3pm) and and 2 mornings next term I will finally have a day a week to get stuck into something and get this house sorted out but who knows. I start studying again in November so we shall see!

I saw this thread title and thought 'splendidly thank you'. I don't make beds, don't iron, do spits and spots of housework when I get chance, have mopped the kitchen floor twice since dd2 was born 6 months ago (). I'm happy if I've managed to keep the ocean of toys in the living room under control. Once the kids are in bed, it's my time to sit down with a glass of wine, not start polishing stuff, I'm SAHM, not a SAHcleaner

Specialmagiclady, are you me in a time warp? I once started a thread about 'anyone else feeling as if they're swimming uphill through custard' when my daughters were about three and one.

They're still little, yours, tiny. Don't listen to your friends - they're either lying or have strange superpowers which are probably draining them too in some eerie way.

Message withdrawn

MI I remember those threads well. But do you feel like it is going better now? Because I do.

My DCs are now 3 and 5 and if there is one thing I wished people had said to me at the time they were the same ages as the OPs are now, it is "it doesn't get any worse than this". You honestly are at the hardest point, I think.

I had to get up in the night the other night because Ds was sick and I spent a couple of hours up with him. I was absolutely shattered the next day, spent all day feeling like a zombie, complained like buggery and went to bed early the next night. Then I thought that I used to do that day in day out when the DCs were small - and I work full time - God alone knows how I managed it, but I really think I deserve a medal .

Honestly, all you can do at the moment is survive. Any more than that and you are doing brilliantly!

Remember: it doesn't get any worse than this. Its strangely comforting!