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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

A friend came over today and...

41 replies

HalyardHitch · 16/10/2019 17:13

My friend came over with her two year old today. I have two boys and based on our afternoon I'm pretty sure she'll never come back.

The one year old is teething and miserable but the two year old was just awful.

I've not seen my friend for around two years and my two year olds behaviour means I can't invite her over again. I'm at my wits end with him and feel like such a failure. He's the kind of kid people avoid. He's so funny, caring and has such a beautiful soul but is just a horror 90% of the time at times.

I'm sat outside work about to start and am crying. I'm not cut out for this. I've been diagnosed with depression, do the whole SAHM thing by day and work in the evening. I just hate that I have such a challenging child

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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PlasticPatty · 16/10/2019 17:17

He's two. Cut him some slack!

Forget your visitor. If she doesn't come again, so what?

Tell us more about the challenging child. How is he a 'horror'? Aren't most two year olds potentially 'horrors'? Vast amounts of energy and no idea that they should direct it in socially acceptable ways?

There'll be competent mothers along shortly, to help, I'm sure. Give them something to work on.

SoyDora · 16/10/2019 17:20

He’s two, what could he possibly have done that was so bad??

highheelsandbobblehats · 16/10/2019 17:21

I've got an 8 year old that was like that at 2. Thank to us. Tell us exactly what happened.

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2 year olds Families General parenting

Drum2018 · 16/10/2019 17:22

Organise a catch up with friend for evenings you aren't working. That way the dads can mind the kids and you won't stress about your kids behaviour. You're entitled to time away for yourself outside of work. You are a working mum, not a sahm, so treat yourself to a break now and again.

Kittykat93 · 16/10/2019 17:23

My 2 year old can be an absolute monster. He also has the attidude of a 15 year old. I think it's normal though and most people are understanding. You're not a failure at all op.

Milkfreemoomum · 16/10/2019 17:24

I think a couple PP are being harsh! Yes he is 2 but doesn't mean it's any less of a challenge. OP I get it, it's so tough. I had this before with a friend although she had no children so didn't quite understand toddler tantrums. Be kind to yourself. Can you do anything that's a treat to you? Go for a massage or a hobby?

SoyDora · 16/10/2019 17:25

Wasn’t trying to be harsh, I was trying to be a supportive in a ‘I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think’ way!

SoyDora · 16/10/2019 17:25

I know two year olds can be hard, I’ve had two of them and will have another soon!

wheretoyougonow · 16/10/2019 17:27

Oh dear. Quite a few of us have been there. It does change. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have days where the kids have not been fun to be with.

Once your less upset think about how you could change the behaviours and your approach. A sticker chart worked wonders for us.
Do cut him a bit of slack though. He is only two. It's just frustrating when other 'friends' don't seem to have the same issues. My 'very active' and by that I really mean 'feral' toddler is now a very chilled teen.

Spied · 16/10/2019 17:28

If your friend is a good friend she will understand and she will be supportive of how you are feeling and your current situation with DC.
I think you should give her a call and explain what you have explained to us on here. There are likely moments when she feels just like you do now with her 2yr old. Also take into account your 1yr old. You are doing great.
Give her a chance. You could be a great support for each other and if she isn't supportive then you are better off without a 'friend' like that.
Chances are she will understand.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/10/2019 17:30

Op thry are hard at 2, and then everyone else's seem so much better and it's awful. I feel your pain. However some of it is just normal 2 to stuff I bet, and he will grow out of it.

What was he doing that was so bad?
How long did she stay?

Shockers · 16/10/2019 17:31

It’s really difficult to chat with toddlers around- you need to be on the floor, directing play because they don’t know the rules yet. I speak from bitter experience of not having a single unpunctuated conversation until mine were about 10! (Late learners )

Try meeting your friend without the children; it’ll be a treat!

raspberryk · 16/10/2019 17:32

They don't call it the terrible 2's for nothing.
But I will also say kids pick up on your moods and emotions so I would say prioritise your MH and it will probably get easier.

Lindy2 · 16/10/2019 17:37

Is there anything specific he is doing or are there any triggers to his behaviour ie sharing his toys or something similar?

I had a very challenging 2 year old. She is older now and diagnosed with ADHD and is also probably ASD although we haven't persude that diagnosis.

If you are in a similar situation, cutting to the chase, you'll find out who your real friends are. Your real friends will be understanding and supportive. Some people you thought were good friends will disappear.

Changing how you meet up with others may help. Going to outside play areas where noise, running etc doesn't matter and the children are not too close together all the time can help. Also keeping meet ups short ie an hour or so max is probably easier going. If you want a proper chat with a friend arrange for someone else to have the kids and go alone.

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 16/10/2019 17:38

She probably couldn't believe her luck that it was someone else's two year old for a change. They're all monsters at that age. Mobile and too young to be reasoned with.

Doje · 16/10/2019 18:01

They're all like that at some point! I'm always just grateful when it's not mine.

I saw a friend this weekend who I see maybe twice a year. She has two kids, I have two kids. All aged between 4 and 7. Everytime we meet, at least one of them is a horror. This weekend it was our turn....

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/10/2019 18:04

Can’t have been that bad- 2 year olds are terrors.!!!

Ohyesiam · 16/10/2019 18:07

Look into Hand in Hand Parenting, it’s a r ally radical approach and is great for “ difficult “ kids

PivotPivotPivottt · 16/10/2019 18:10

My 2 year old is the same. I'm worried that she's going to be the child everyone avoids. She's so funny and loving at times but when the bad behaviour comes out it makes me feel like I've failed. She hits, spits out food, destroys stuff, stands on toys, rips up books, constanly throwing stuff at her older sister. It really upsets me to see her behaving like that and she doesn't talk yet so it's hard to communicate with her what she's doing wrong although she does understand when I tell her no. Not that it does much good! The nursery say she never hits the other children there so I feel like she's pushing boundaries with me rather than being BAD bad if that makes sense. I'm hoping she grows out of it soon it does bring me down. Don't worry about what your friend thinks if she judges then she's not that great a friend.

PotteringAlong · 16/10/2019 18:29

2 year olds are knobs. Fact.

Weedinosaurus · 16/10/2019 18:37

I thought ‘terrible Twos’ was just s cute throw away phrase for mischief...until I had ds. You have my sympathy OP but please know that most parents will understand. At the time it feels like you’re the only one and your child is the worst but you’re not and they’re not.
Cut yourself and your ds some slack and put it down to experience.
Also make sure you get appropriate help for your depression and surround yourself with supportive people xx

Original poster

HalyardHitch · 16/10/2019 18:52

Thank you all for reassuring me. I've posted about him before. He was violent at times towards his brother, threw toys, struggled to play productively, threw a cup of water (twice), was very very emotional (even by a two year olds standards).

I have friends who know him very well and would never criticise him but have admitted that he's very tough. He does have some medical issues (low iron and potential coeliac) but that's no excuse.

I don't take him to classes any more because of his behaviour but have only just started him on gym class. He really struggles with that but enjoys the freestyle so much that I'd like to persevere.

OP posts:

Amimissingsomethinghere · 16/10/2019 18:53

I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. If it's any consolation I am going through similar. My son is 1.5 years and really going at it with the tantrums. It feels like none of my other mum friends are... which makes you feel incredibly lonely.

What kind of things is he doing OP? My doctor recommended The book by Harvey Karp - the happiest toddler on the block. I am going to give that a read and see if I can get any help!

PotteringAlong · 16/10/2019 19:10

My 2 year old had to have his tea removed for spitting peas on the floor (not massively helped by the fact that the other 2 thought it was hilarious), has refused to get into the buggy / car / house and then screamed “I want to do it” when made to despise the fact that, when given the chance to do it himself he didn’t want to. He’s thrown his toothbrush across the room and bitten his brother on the back (which, to be fair, his brother was asking for because if you shout “bite me” at a 2 year old you can’t really moan when he does it).

It’s not just him.
It’s not just you.

Hugsandpastries · 16/10/2019 19:18

If he has low iron and is possibly coeliac that may be causing him some pain and making him extra tired/grumpy. Are you getting him tested? My son has recently been diagnosed as coeliac.

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