Feeling guilty for wanting to formula feed preemie?

[FakeTurtle]

Hi,

I had my baby at 31+6 (now 34 weeks corrected) I've been exclusively pumping in that time, so baby has been only on breast milk.
The trouble is I hate pumping. It makes me feel uncomfortable, it stresses me out, and I would have never have chosen to do it in the 1st place. I felt like I had to because he was premature.
I'm considering moving onto formula now because the pumping is making me miserable. But I'm struggling with guilt over the decision, I feel like as soon as he moves onto formula he's going to start going downhill. My partner is saying that I'm not doing what's best for baby, that I'm only thinking about myself and he will guilt trip me for the rest of my life about it.
If baby starts to go downhill because I stop pumping I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself. Is it okay to formula feed a premature baby? Does anyone have any experience?
Thank you

Can I kindly suggest that if your baby is in the low dependency unit in hospital, pumping is just one of many quite legitimate stresses in your life. Breast milk is best for premature babies, this is a fact. If you really feel expressing specifically is what is causing you undue stress, can you research some milk banks in your area so your baby can still get breast milk? Or do you have any relatives or friends with babies who can express for you?

This is not a typical BM vs formula situation. In your shoes I’d keep it up until baby’s original term and then see what happens.

Expressing is a total pain, having done it for three months for my dc I honestly am not sure l would bother if I had my time again.
Are you making sure you express at least once during the night?
Your DP is being an arse, I hope he is pulling his weight properly.

I am a big advocate for breastfeeding, subject to the impact on the mental health of the mother. If it was me, I'd stick with the expressing / try to attach later on for as long as I could.

That said, your partner is an absolute bag of dicks. What a hideous thing to say. Just disgusting.

Please show him this thread and tell him to get a grip on himself immediately.

@JenniferM1989 the effects of BFing and FFing are studied on a population level. So no, not every BF baby will do better, be healthier and be more intelligent than every FF baby. But on average, there are issues with FF.

Jesus the judgement never ends for us mothers. op if you are struggling mentally and physically then stop expressing. You weren’t planning on bf until your baby was born prematurely. I can’t understand anyone making an already struggling mother feel worse. I don’t believe children who are breast fed are less likely to have colds, asthma, gastric infections. Can anyone point out the adults who were breastfed? Are they more or less healthy than their FF peers?
I have no issue with promoting BF..yes it should be encouraged but it’s the “formula is evil” that puts people off..

My daughter was born at 31 and 2. She will 12 next week and shes totally amazing. I pumped a bit but mainly gave her formula, she had to have special prescription formula to help her gain weight. Its totally fine. You have I'm sure been through enough. Please dont feel guilty.

Please ignore everyone saying breast is best, we all know that but its really not that important. It really isnt.

Look for premature babies the breastfeeding discussion is quite different. This is because of necrotising entercolitis or NEC. Yes, some breastfed babies do get NEC but there is evidence that those babies had fortified breast milk. There is actually a lot of research on BM and premature infants and long term impact.
As an aside I have a 26 weeker who is now nearly 3. I pumped and then breastfed him. HOWEVER, each mother and each baby is different. My baby was much younger and at a much much higher risk of NEC. He weighed less than a kilo at birth. He also had a bleed on his brain known as an intraventricular haemorrhage.
It is not clear to me why they aren’t letting you breastfeed though? My son was latching on by 34 weeks with NG top ups at night and was breastfeeding comfortably by 35 weeks and was topped up by EBM by the nurses when I wasn’t there. If he can latch on nicely you will still need to express a bit but not to the same schedule.

Meanwhile I think on our Unit mine was the only baby that went home only on EBM and breastfeeding. So actually the vast majority of preemies are FF.
Donor milk is quite precious and usually not given after 32 weeks gestation.
Finally by 34 weeks the overall dangers of NEC are much less so the risks of FF a premature gut are less too.
Desats are not linked to the kind of milk he’s having. It may be that he needs a blood transfusion (very common around this time when the body’s own ability hasn’t fully kicked in) or that he’s having trouble with suck and swallow so desats during feeding (breast and bottle) are common.

My brother was born very premature in 1972, he was in special care being ventilated for well over a month then progressed through HDU & onwards. At no time was he breastfed, he was tube fed with formula until about 10 days before he was ready to come home & then swapped to a bottle, his corrected age when he came home was 4 weeks, he was actually almost 3 months old. By the time he was 6 months old, he was a strapping 16 pound baby, sat up, crawled & walked much earlier than other babies who were born at full term at the same time as him. If your mental health is suffering, please don't let anyone guilt trip you, speak to your midwife or GP, the nurses in the unit may also be able to help you. You have done your best for him, he has had the vital colostrum & will soon be strong enough to come home.

DD3 was pre-term. She was fed on pre-term baby formula (nutri-prem, if I remember correctly) and no problems with it. I didn't breastfeed her and didn't pump or express because I just didn't want to. She thrived.

Your partner isn't the one who will be breastfeeding the baby. He gets no say over what you do with your own body. He sounds spectacularly unsupportive and nasty. I would be telling him to bugger off.

There are baby formulas especially for pre-term babies. Your baby will be fine if you want to use one. Your own sanity and mental health are a perfectly valid reason to want to stop breastfeeding or pumping, whatever your dickhead of a partner thinks.

My son was born prem (28 weeks) I pumped for the whole time he was in hospital (11 weeks) it was fucking hard work, I tried to get him breast feeding but his weight wouldn't stabilize and he wasn't getting to his 5lb target to be sent home, it was a few days before Christmas, my mental health was seriously compromised by the never endingness of our situation, the neonatal nurse/doctor gave me a serous chat and said if we want him home for Christmas then the only way it's going to happen is if I stop expressing/breast feeding and put him in Nutriprem formula, for me and my son it was the best option. I understand that when they are newly born and the risk of NEC etc is a real issue that breast is best but when they are out of the woods you've got to do what's best for everyone, including yourself.

Mine was exactly 31+6 too and I moved to formula at 34 weeks as well. I was having a mental breakdown trying to pump. Switching was a total game changer for me, he's now 16 months and terrorizing everything so formula did him no harm!

JenniferM- why do you think the NHS is pumping MILLIONS into promoting breast feeding??? Do you think it is just for fun? The reality is because they know it is a public health issue and if they can get breast feeding rates up the long term cost to NHS of treating other health issues will go down. Have a look at the UNICEF baby friendly website- lots about it there.

I expressed for the 4 months dd was in hospital and switched to formula when she came home. Lots of prem babies were given donor milk - could you speak to your baby’s nurse about how you are struggling (emotionally) with expressing and want to stop/ ask if donor milk is an option or if baby can go straight onto formula?

My twins were early premies and my milk didnt come through so they were formula fed. They needed the premie formula so it was for their best.
So first you ve done so well so far. Second formula is absolutly fine.
Mental health is do important and remember you my be fed up of pumping but dont discount the effect a premie has on your mental health too...
You need to mind yourself so you can mind your child. In this situation i dont believe the daddy has as much say...its your body and mind and he needs to be reminded that if either of those are damaged he ll be in a far worse position. Its down to kindness and consideration...you need both from him

I had a premmie, 33.3 weeks I expressed for 4 weeks then gave up. It's easier just to breast feed because then U dnt need to express after feeding baby, but I didn't want to breast feed 🤷🏼‍♀️. I will say because my ds was used to that 4weeks breast milk he did struggle a wee bit with formula, has silent reflux but once the stupid doctors listened to me and gave me gaviscon for him he was brilliant! 😁

Exclusively expressing is hard work and you have a lot of added stress too. I did it for my DD for 3 weeks then switched to breast feeding. I was a premature baby and my mother was encouraged to express for me even though she hadn't originally planned to. She ended up mix feeding me in hospital as she couldn't keep up expressing, could this be an option so that it's not all or nothing? I have no idea if this would still be advised now but I know it helped my mum with me.

Also he's is now 2 and is doing brilliant! Hospital checks stop at 6months because he caught up so quickly.

@FakeTurtle I think you need to speak to one of the nurses rather than MN. They'll be better placed to support you whatever choice you make, (especially if your partner is emotionally abusive)

Pumping in hospital is hard, esp if you aren't living on site. The best advice I got was "BF is important for preemie, but not as important as Mom's mental health". Putting your mental wellbeing at the front IS being a responsible parent as it enables you to be there for your baby

Also those of you who haven't had premature babies your milk doesnt come in as easily when babies are born early your body is in total shock and that makes expressing even harder. TBH if you haven't had a premature baby you shouldn't be commenting! It's such a stressful thing to happen and so many mixed emotions. Big hugs for you OP. Xxxx

Would it help to give yourself an end date? I totally understand the mental health battle with pumping. DD was born at 34 weeks and DS at 35. DD couldn’t latch so I pumped and took her milk into hospital everyday. When she came home it was a cycle of pumping and feeding her. No time for sleeping, eating or showering for me. Everyone kept telling me to keep going but they weren’t the ones who were up every night sobbing. I chose my mental health & stopped on her due date. She was FF & is now 11 and thriving.
With DS I expected the same he couldn’t feed so I pumped. Had a break down in hospital over the lack of support post CS for pumping mums so they moved us to a private room so DP could stay and help too. He fed DS (and me) changed him etc I pumped & recovered. Again my aim was to get to his due date but 2 days before that he latched on. 19 months later we are still BFing
Basically do what you need to do. BFing or pumping is a relationship that has to be right for both parties. Good luck with your decision

Great post Kaffeine xx

@Namechange3007 surely you realise that not every baby in NICU is pre 37 weeks and that of those post 37 weekers lots of the Mom's will struggle to nurse just through the sheer trauma of the experience?

Plenty of preemie Mom's can be just as judgemental over formula vs bf

Mine were on formula after being born at the same gestation as yours. My milk never came in due to traumatic birth. They've absolutely thrived and it took the pressure off me. Speak to your baby's doctors and nurses. Tell them you're struggling. Your mental health is more important than breast milk.