Ex says he is taking me to court

[UserUser321]

Just wondering if anyone can give some advice.

I have a 1 year old with my now ex. I’m due to return to work shortly and I’m trying to get my ex to co parent when I return. I have 2 other children who aren’t his and I don’t get any government help with DS.

What I have proposed is that he has DS 2.5 weekdays and 1 day at the weekend. The same for me. I’ll either need to adjust my working hours to accommodate DS for the 2.5 days I have him, or arrange childcare. I’ve proposed he does the same.

He is point blank refusing. He said he’s not making any adjustments to his work and will not help with childcare costs. He’ll continue to get DS for a few hours on a couple of weeknights and take him overnight on a Saturday. The couple of hundred pounds he pays in maintenance each month won’t even cover half of the costs I am going to incur putting DS into a nursery. Not to mention the fact I don’t drive and am going to have to take DS on a bus every morning and night to get him to and from nursery.

He has just told me he is taking me to court so there is a court order in place for him to see DS at the times he is available. So he’s basically taking me to court to get less access! Can he do this?

Afraid it’s up to him if he chooses not to change his working pattern.

However, even if you can’t get benefits for a third child you should be able to get help with childcare costs for a third child. And you can definitely get child benefit, if you’re not already doing so.

Really what I was asking was - can he take me to court to have a court order put in place for the hours he is proposing? Even though I’m asking him to take DS more?

He can take you to court to get fixed contact.

I would stop the current arrangement by stating it doesn't work for you and offer him EOW 1 or 2 nights and one midweek overnight.

If you maintain this current visiting that strengthens his case to get it implemented.

In essence yes the NRP can opt out of having contact.

Presumably you will be able to get childcare help via tax credits?

So if I go into a court room and say I’m willing to give access 3.5 days a week and he says he wants less than this, a judge will favour him?

I don’t get tax credits. And as far as I was aware the government don’t provide help with 3rd or subsequent children born after 6th April 2017. I certainly don’t get any benefits for him other than child benefit which is £13 a week.

Yep he can get a court order for less time
. You'll have to have mediation first anyway. As a previous poster said, they will often go with the status quo.

Even if there is a court order in place the NRP cannot be forced to turn up for contact.

You need to stop letting him this free and easy turn up for a visit contact ASAP.

Shouldn't you apply for Child tax credits and some of that helps with childcare.
What about working tax credits too.
www.entitledto.co.uk/

@RandomMess what do I do then? He calls all the shots when it comes to him seeing DS. If I say anything or ask him to get DS at a certain time he says I’m being awkward and accuses me of being spiteful. I’ve tried and tried to put a routine in place. During the week he wants to collect DS at 5pm and return him at 8pm, which is far too late so I suggested he have the 2 week night overnights instead of bringing DS back late but he refused, saying he needs a full nights sleep so he’s not going into work the next day as a zombie

I just looked at universal credit and it says the 2 child limit does NOT apply to childcare costs.

Let him threaten court. I think a solicitor will encourage him to settle with you ahead of court via mediation.

Reality is the mum usually has to step up irrespective of financial consequences. If he is a very high earner you might be able to apply to court for more financial assistance, but if he isn't CMS calculation is supposed to cover all expenses.

Ex H took me to court for a consent order despite contact working fine. Now he barely see his DC, his work or hobbies or girlfriend is more important. In my case he just wanted to be able to claim victim status, poor me my ex won't let me see my children. I offered 50% even of holidays but he barely takes 2 weeks all year.

I know it is so difficult but long term you will benefit.

She won’t be able to make a new claim for tax credits. She will need to make a claim for universal credit if she wants help with childcare costs.

As I have said on previous threads of yours refuse to allow contact point blank.

He will have to take you to court, he will have to take you to mediation first though (unless there was abuse).

You need to say "no" and mean it. TBH I would text him and tell him that you are no longer allowing this contact as it doesn't work for DS and you can no longer tolerate his bullying and controlling ways as it's making you ill and he will need to take you to court to get any future contact with him.

Then block him/go grey rock and do not cave.

Have you gone via CMS for maintenance?

You cannot negotiate or compromise with this man so stop trying he only cares about himself and what he wants.

he just wanted to be able to claim victim status, poor me my ex won't let me see my children

This is exactly what my ex is doing.

No universal credit 2 child limit doesn't apply to childcare cost so you will get help with that

Unfortunately no one can make him have his child if he doesn't want to

Let him say it, it doesn't matter what he says!!!

I think once you say no he will fight for contact so it's that sort of reverse psychology that could just work.

Let him take you to court and make himself look like a massive knob in front of the judge.

"I've brought us to the courts today to demands I have LESS contact then she is offering."

It'll go down like a lead balloon. Honestly, let him crack on.

I wouldn't be making dc available for access in the week if 8 is too late

I’ve made a claim for universal credit but I hardly see a penny of it because of earnings. I get a couple of hundred pounds in maintenance from him each month, calculated by CMS. My other 2 children’s father decided he didn’t want anything to do with them after I introduced them to my ex and doesn’t work so I get £6 a week in maintenance from him. I don’t get help with DS due to the 3rd child clause, wasn’t aware that I could get help with childcare costs for him tho so I will look into this. Thanks.

Looks like I won’t have to stop access as he’s just did that himself. He just emailed me saying he’ll no be seeing DS again until there is a court order in place which allows him flexibility with the days/times he sees DS. Surely a judge won’t allow such nonsense?

Nope a judge wouldn't!!

Just don't engage anymore, in fact block him. If he stops maintenance go via CMS.

Enjoy the peace and be free from all his attempts to control and bully you.

He may well be expecting you to beg and plead to still see DS do not do this!!

He has majorly shot himself in the foot there! My partner had to get a court order for his son (very different circumstances!). He had him each weekend (as the mum liked to have that time for herself) so that's what the judge agreed on going forward. 5 years later he still has it. The mum tried to stop access when the court order was in place and gave reasons which the judge deemed selfish and threw the book at her. Judges see cases all the time and are extremely tuned in (most of them anyway!) to one party trying to be manipulative. Stay strong and document everything. Don't have phone conversations if you can help it and conduct everything via email or text so that there is a clear paper trail. You'll always hear horror stories from people regarding court but there's plenty of positive stories out there too. Just keep providing a loving and supportive home and let him make himself look like the idiot he is being. You have nothing to fear!

You can't insist on him having access and you would be shooting yourself in the foot as CMS would base your maintenance on the court order not actual contact.

It's crappy yes, but better to have the court order reflect reality so you at least get the correct maintenance. And surely you don't want you child to be with someone who begrudges having him?

I think the worst thing for a child is to have both parents arguing they want them less. So please make your peace with this before you child is old enough to understand.

And yes, I get that it is rubbish to discover you are the default parent.

I did get back to him last night and asked him what hours he would be available to see DS and he said it’s not a question of when he is available, it’s a matter of him getting a court order put in place which allows him flexibility as to when he sees DS due to him working full time!

He said he is withdrawing his access and won’t see DS again until a judge has decided when he can see DS.

He’s not even willing to put an interim arrangement in place until there is a court order.

Also - he’s not even on the birth certificate as he made us miss DS registration due to being late back from the gym then we split up and he refused to be at the appointment I had rearranged.

He is hilarious!!

Even NRP that work shifts have CO that stipulate rotated fixed contact.

Stop engaging with him. He is enjoying yanking your chain. First of all surely he needs to get PR?

I expect his next move will be to stop maintenance as you have stopped contact (I kid you not!)