I can't handle my kids

[giantnannyknickers]

I'm very near breaking point. I've a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. Both kids are absolutely wild. WILD! I can't go anywhere in public with them as neither of them will use a pram and will run off in different directions or both want to be carried at the same time. Both constantly fight for my attention and I can't give them proper one on one time as there's only one of me. The house is a constant mess. It's really getting me down.

The 1.5 year old rips everything out of the fridge daily (locks don't work) they rip clothes off the clothes horse. Throw food into the clean clothes in the washing machine. Is generally just a ball of destruction. Often biting siblings. Pulling hair. I could go on. Both wake multiple times during the night still. Im still breastfeeding the littlest. I'm so exhausted that I often fall asleep fully clothed whilst putting them to bed.

3 year old is in playschool three mornings a week & 1.5 year old has two mornings in playschool. During this time I catch up on cleaning and work I've to do. Their dad has them every second wknd and two evenings in the week. I'm scared to ask him for more help as he will make out in court I'm a bad parent. I've been told that both kids are very well behaved for dad.

I'm just physically exhausted. Everyone has said it will get easier but it's getting harder. How do I get through this time alive?

Kids are a handful, you love them but they can be a real struggle. Don't feel like you shouldn't feel what you're feeling, because it's normal.

I understand the precarious situation with their dad, perhaps you could somehow make it out to be his idea? Then you're just being gracious and you both end up getting what you both wanted anyway.

What about grandparents? they likely to take the kids for a day?

You'll be fine, in the end you'll find a way to cope because you love them and you have to, but in the meantime just make sure you get some quiet time in. When they go to bed, don't immediately do all the chores and then go to bed, take an hour for yourself.

@FatherB I go to sleep when they sleep. I'm shattered. There's definitely no hours in the evening to relax as it's chaotic,

Sorry that it’s so tough at the moment. Are they perhaps acting up because they’re not using their energy in more positive ways, as you’re struggling to get out and about with them?

You say neither will use a pram - at 1.5 I would have thought you could wrangle the littlest in somehow... they may scream but it may be worth pushing through that and use bribes like a banana in the pram or toys attached to the pram to distract them. And put the oldest on a buggy board? If you could get to the park or soft play or something I wonder if a lot of running about would help them sleep better or at least would mean less time spent in the house messing it up! Hope it gets better for you x

No words of wisdom but I feel your pain.
My just turned 4yo is bloody wild at times, he has a complete disregard for me, finds it funny if I tell him off/put him on the step and if i ignore him he just carries on. He’s really physical as well, runs around like a loon and is too rough with his elder sister.

It’s hard because my eldest wasn’t ever like this and is pretty well behaved the majority of the time. I’m really struggling to handle him and although I love him dearly I find the days when I spend all day with him very hard work

You’re doing an amazing job - it’s hard enough having two under 3 but doing it on your own is another level entirely. Mine are 4.5, 2.5 and 10months and I’m exhausted with a partner to help me.

I agree with a PP about wrestling the little one in the buggy and getting them out in the fresh air to tire them out. I find mine play a lot better at home and fight less once we’ve been out the house.

I would also start trying to get a few routines in place - eg tidying up before the lunchtime nap and bed, getting them to clear the (non breakable) stuff from the dinner table. Put a tidying up song on like you’re some modern Mary Poppins. Or set a timer for 5 minutes and see if they can tidy everything away before it goes off. My 4 yo loves that. You’ll end up tidying most of the stuff away yourself but with time they’ll get better at it. I know 1.5 is too young to be helping in any meaningful way but it’s good for him to get used to it. It makes life so much easier if you’ve all tidied up together rather than coming down to a bomb site after they’ve finally gone to sleep. I also get myself ready for bed whilst waiting for them to go to sleep - say you’re going to clean your teeth etc and you’ll be back in a minute - assuming you stay until they’ve fallen asleep.

How do you feel about gently sleep training the little one so you can get more sleep? That would do masses for how you feel if you can get a few hours uninterrupted sleep. I know it’s hard to find the energy to do it - I’m currently putting off night weaning my 10 month old in the hope it’ll magically get better by itself!

You’re doing a great job and it will get easier.

Look at Janet Lansbury- she got me through those days (mine sound similar)

Cut down their sugar intake. When i was their age I was totally off my nut. Turns out i was sensitive to sugar and food colourings. I do think it might help them stop acting like little cunts

@KieronB laughed out loud at that one

Why isn't it 50/50 with the dad?

@chloechloe that's a really good idea about a tidy up song! Thank you so much I'll defo try that.

We go out everyday for walks in the park across from
My house- but a pram is a no go.

Even if I bribe the 3 year old
with my phone to sit in the pram
I can't push it whilst holding the 1.5 year old. And he's far too large for a sling at this stage. I need to get a boogie board. Some days I have to hold them both under my arms and run home before I drop
One (ridiculous I know - but otherwise it just takes soooo long and there's so many tantrums)
They just both want me to hold them all the time.

What shits me the most is the 1.5 year old is just so destructive. He's my first boy and I'm shocked at how much energy he he has.
He's a biter. So will
Bite for attention. It's like he doesn't realize how physical he is. He head butted me recently and there was blood everywhere. He's really aggressive with the 3 year old. He fires all the veg out of the fridge to the point where I've stopped buying fresh veg.

I say no but he ignores
me. I distract him and he ignores me. I put him in another room and he comes back in causing mayhem. How do I constructively discourage him from such behaviour?

Like how do I show him other ways to play?

Should I be outdoors all weather to wear them out? There's no soft play near us. He doesn't like art, he won't sit for stories. And is too young for tv.

I wouldn't mind but he's always smiling so it makes it hard to be mad with him.

I fell asleep at nap time today and now can't sleep with anxiety over this.

@hairyturkey will check her out thank you xx

Sounds like a good idea to get a buggy board for the 3 year old, so you can strap the littlest in. You’ll do your arms in trying to carry both of them! A scooter for the 3 year old might be another option, if you can get them to listen to you and stop at roads (I haven’t managed that with my 3 year old yet )

Are they maybe getting bored in the house so that’s why they get destructive? Some more physical things to do (inside or outside) might help... things like den building, or piggy-in-the-middle, or get some big old cardboard boxes to make cars/trains/robots, or make an indoor obstacle course with cushions for them to jump over. Are there any cheap playgroups near you, like sometimes church ones are really good value, they can tire themselves out playing with the toys x

Does your 3 year old get his 30 hours of childcare? I’d sign up ASAP if not... would give you a break and help him use his energy constructively. Learning the rules of childcare might help too - though I appreciate that might sound hard to believe at the moment! Children can act differently when they see their peers all doing the same thing

@momofpickle I'm in Ireland so no free childcare for him. The 3 year old gets 3 hours free Montessori which she is going to 3 mornings a week. She's normally like a demon after it and is exhausted.

I have booked him into two half days at play-school which is crazy expensive but I've actually come to realize I need it for my sanity. I've taken up some part time work to pay for it.

@Hugsandpastries great idea about a scooter! Maybe one for Santa this year. The 1.5 year old would actually be very good on a balance bike as he's very mobile and has good coordination.

Also loving the idea for games with cardboard boxes and outdoor play.

Facilities were I live are very very limited for playgroups and indoor play due to insurance issues here in Ireland.

Can I just say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my little rant. You took 2 mins out of your time to help a stranger on the internet but it's actually made feel like I'm not a total failure. I really really appreciate it. Xx

If you can’t wrestle them in to the pram, could you get them those little back packs with reins? My dts are 20 months and if I attempt to go out with them without them they run off in opposite directions and are a bloody nightmare. I know people judge reins, but with two littles and only one of me I don’t care and haven’t actually had any negative comments so far. I’ve given up using the pram because they just fight or shoplift 😳

The only thing I’ve found to get them to sleep is to be out and about and proper knacker them out. Alarmingly they seem to be dropping their nap, so we seem to be spending more and more time outside, regardless of the weather. Puddles are their new favourite thing!

I’ve no real advice (sorry!) just sympathy and solidarity. I’ve been told it does get better... 💐

Yep it's relentless at these ages.
I regularly went to bed at 8pm just to claw back a bit of rest.
Have you got locks on the fridge and cupboards. There's different kinds. I had to put one on my freezer when I came down from sorting washing to find the contents all over the floor. That was my youngest. My eldest never figured out how to do that. They also both got into my spices cupboard and emptied those out. Youngest is 3.5yo now and I've had to put locks on the high cupboards because he's figured out where the treats are kept. My eldest is 5.5yo and he was a whirlwind too but he's calmed down now and knows the rules. He still tests the boundaries now and then.
So, techniques: distraction is better than saying no all the time. So if he's throwing stuff move him away and find something for him to do. Give him a soft ball and tell him he's only allowed to throw that. Get down on the floor and start playing trains or whatever he likes with him. Get your older daughter to join in and do some big girl stuff like set up some people or connect the tracks. Mine like to be given a task to do. Once you've got them set up mine tend to settle down to play by themselves.
If they are biting then you remove them from the room and firmly say no biting people. I gave mine a rubbery toy to bite instead. Then comfort the hurt child. Show them nice ways to interact with each other. Eg. Tickle tummy or feet, kisses.
If you're trying to cook I would give them a whisk and sieve to play with on the kitchen floor or let them have some small carrot sticks to eat.
I read the books 'gentle parenting', and 'how to talk so little kids will listen' and 'siblings without rivalry'.
If they won't get dressed make it into a game, eg, 'do these trousers go on my head? Do they go on teddy? Where do they go?'
To get them in the pushchair I bribed with snacks and even biscuits/ crisps and let him choose a toy car to brum along walls. Mine did not like the schoolrun twice a day!
My 3.5yo has to hold my hand when walking near roads but I let him run free in the woods or park.
Hope you get some respite and good luck.

@Stayawayfromitsmouth thanks for all the tips. Will definitely try those books, and will also go to the shop and see can I get a different type of lock for the fridge! On a side note the youngest has just started to throw all the clean clothes out of the washer on the floor He definitely likes to keep me on my toes.

Sounds daft but have you tried a double pram? So neither is left out?
And totally sympathy for you, i have wild children too, it’s haaaaaard Work!

How would you typically set a boundary - try to stop them doing something you don't want or get them to do something you need them to do?

How are you with confrontation in general?

I agree Janet lansbury is fab for advice about how to set boundaries firmly but kindly.

If you are really at the end; ring your local Children's Centre/ Early Help team as they have so many brilliant support networks and support. X

@BertieBotts I sit down so I'm at the same level and say no very firmly. If he keeps doing what he's going then I'll either try distract him or put him out of the room. But he's always on a mission and will run straight back into his sister to bit her or take whatever she has off her.

But I think I really do need to get the book as neither of them take much notice of me when I say no to things. I'm not a very assertive person by nature and a bit of a people pleaser which doesn't lend itself well to managing two clever kids who know how to work their mama.

On a side note I've been told both kids are excellent for their dad and don't act up as much! What am
I doing wrong

@BertieBotts I sit down so I'm at the same level and say no very firmly. If he keeps doing what he's going then I'll either try distract him or put him out of the room. But he's always on a mission and will run straight back into his sister to bit her or take whatever she has off her.

But I think I really do need to get the book as neither of them take much notice of me when I say no to things. I'm not a very assertive person by nature and a bit of a people pleaser which doesn't lend itself well to managing two clever kids who know how to work their mama.

On a side note I've been told both kids are excellent for their dad and don't act up as much! What am
I doing wrong

@ANiceSliceOfCake it is daft! I have a double pram but they fight over who sits in the front and it's too big to fit in the boot of my car so can't bring it on days out!!