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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you cope with working away with DC and a partner who's also away?

42 replies

Skiaddicted · 06/10/2019 22:15

Partner works very inflexible hours not locally, no family at all nearby and friends have their own commitments, I'm expected to go away for work for 4 days.....i have NO idea how we can cover childcare?! DP at best will be home at 11pm each night and is not allowed leave for the foreseeable future

OP posts:

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Tojigornot · 06/10/2019 22:17

How old are the DC?

Crunched · 06/10/2019 22:19

A live-in nanny will be the easiest solution to your predicament.

Original poster

Skiaddicted · 06/10/2019 22:21

1 at a year old, this is a one off occasion so a live in nanny is not something we can afford.

Im thinking i may have to tell work its unachievable and hope they accept

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LadyGAgain · 06/10/2019 22:25

Why do you have to go away? Is this an essential part of your role-training or the like? And does your contract state that you need to have some degree of flex?

shoebedobedobedobedoo · 06/10/2019 22:25

You could get the live in nanny just to cover the 4 days. Look on childcare.co.uk or contact local nanny agencies.
If it’s a one off can a family member help out?
We’ve had to cover 2 absent parents several times and have used a combination of our day time nanny, family, overnight babysitters. We’ve just moved to be near family.....and are both away this week, so DM covers it now and it’s way less stressful and expensive.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 06/10/2019 22:26

You either need a live in nanny or very supportive family.

Frankly with two work-away jobs and at least one of you apparently doing ridiculously long hours, you should be getting big money to compensate. If you aren't, possibly time to rethink the jobs. But yes, if you can't afford a nanny you will have to tell your work you can't go. Tbh I'm not super precious about leaving babies and have been away for 24hrs but I wouldn't leave a 1yo for 4 days.

purpleolive · 06/10/2019 22:31

We sometimes have this issue, it's happening next month. We just decide between us which is more pivotal, I don't go away very often. So next month I booked in first, and DH is just going to have to tell his boss he can't go. It happens again in December, thankfully my mum can help with that one otherwise I'd drop out as it's more important for DH to go on that occasion.

Original poster

Skiaddicted · 06/10/2019 22:31

Me working away is rare, twice a year for 1 night so this has come as a shocker. We dont earn anywhere near enough to cover a live in nanny so i am going to talk to work. I was thinking i must be missing something obvious

The idea of being away from him for 4 days makes me feel sick to be honest, one night is too much for me

OP posts:

pumkinspicetime · 06/10/2019 22:31

We have had this. You either say no to work.
Get grandparents to visit you for the four days or get a temp live in nanny. The last is very expensive so it really needs to be important.

DelphiniumBlue · 06/10/2019 22:31

You can't leave a baby with a total stranger for 4 days, whether they come from a reputable agency or not. If DP can't get leave and there isn't a familiar family member around you're just going to have to say no.
Did you know that travel was part of the job or is this a new thing?
Hope it doesn't put the job at risk.

GeoffreyAndBungle · 06/10/2019 22:34

Your partner could take annual leave or a week's parental leave to look after him.

Ornery · 06/10/2019 22:37

We put occasional overnights in our childcare contract just in case (not a live in nanny)

purpleolive · 06/10/2019 22:40

@Skiaddicted can your DH take leave? Mine is next month just to make life easier as he has a long commute and would struggle doing all the school drop offs.

I'd have personally loved a 4 day break when my kids were 1 lol.

Climbingwindmill · 06/10/2019 22:41

We have this occasionally. We have to ask family and repay them handsomely in favours for them. My family are several hours drive away so it’s not easy and we ask less than once a year.

In desperation I’ve also asked a friend to stay over for a few days to house, child and dog sit. She said yes but thankfully dh’s trip got cancelled.

simplekindoflife · 06/10/2019 22:51

Can your DH not take annual leave?

Russell19 · 07/10/2019 01:37

It says in the OP that her DP is not allowed leave. So many people suggesting that but she has already said no.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 07/10/2019 07:10

If it's really important, one other option is to tell your boss your child has to come, and the company needs to pay for childcare during the day.

Original poster

Skiaddicted · 07/10/2019 07:23

Im going to tell work it will have to wait until DP can take leave. They know what he does for a living so know its a very inflexible job.

I just needed to check i hadnt missed an obvious solution

Thanks all

OP posts:

Loopytiles · 07/10/2019 07:26

You say DP and not DH, so your personal career and earnings should be a high priority. You both became parents but at present you’re the only one whose working life has changed.

PEkithelp · 07/10/2019 07:26

I have a colleague who hired a temporary nanny and then took them with her (booked an air bnb flat for same price as hotel room and work agreed to pay).
She then was able to see her child outside of work commitments whilst they were away.

Fleetheart · 07/10/2019 07:28

Sometimes you just can’t do it. I had to change my job as I couldn’t do nights away

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 07/10/2019 07:32

What magic answer were you hoping for op? Imo your employers are being unreasonable to expect this of you. Is it in your contract? Surely lots of their employees who are parents will be in a similar position.

ArnoldBee · 07/10/2019 07:32

On our area there are childminders that come to your house and will cover 24 hours a day. My friend who is a nurse uses them.

stucknoue · 07/10/2019 07:40

Depends on your job, I had to go away with mine and it meant I quit once I had kids (other reasons too) your work could be disgruntled if it's part of your role - why doesn't your dp ask for leave at least, or family come and stay or one of the workers at your baby's nursery? Women find their careers are stunted when they can't do parts of the job, their dp's should be stepping up

TequilaPilates · 07/10/2019 07:46

You both became parents but at present you’re the only one whose working life has changed.

Depending on what the partner does this could be very unfair. A police officer I know has told me that all leave has been cancelled for officers in London because of Brexit, for example. So, him taking leave right now might just be impossible. At other times he might well be very flexible.
But unfair to criticise him without knowing all of the facts.

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