How do you cope with working away with DC and a partner who's also away?

[Skiaddicted]

Partner works very inflexible hours not locally, no family at all nearby and friends have their own commitments, I'm expected to go away for work for 4 days.....i have NO idea how we can cover childcare?! DP at best will be home at 11pm each night and is not allowed leave for the foreseeable future

Not criticising him, but if OP isn’t married it’s vital to prioritise her personal earnings.

How were you going to cover it? Before you both had a child together did it not come up that this situation may occur?

Was it brushed under the table or openly discussed that both of you may need to compromise when the baby came along?

Personally this time I'd tell the boss that going away was impossible, but that you will be putting something in place for future trips. Or looking for other work that does not involve either going away or ruining your work reputation if you don't.

Not criticising him, but if OP isn’t married it’s vital to prioritise her personal earnings.

Well, yes and I guess the partner feels the same.

If they can't afford to pay for childcare and have no family to help out what can they do?

Would you not discuss this before you had a child though? If you both know that work can be unpredictable, might involve very late nights or working away and you don't have childcare surely you have to think about the practicalities of bringing a child into that?

Childcare options are, and have always ever been, parent takes leave, family member or friend does you a massive favour or you pay professional childcare.

How you approach work will depend on many factors, including what is in your contact, what the work activity is, whether it can be postponed, how much notice you eere given, the impact on your career etc.

I'm a single parent. Unless it's school holidays and the children happen to be with their father, I just have to say I can't go.

Interestingly, at work there are a couple of male resident parents. They have no qualms about saying they can't do overnight trips. They say it factually and confidently and everyone accepts it. I don't know if it's the male childcare being seen as wonderful thing, or the fact. They are so unapologetic about it.

Your OH will have to take leave or work from home.

I'm a LP and couldn't do a 7am to 7pm day out course at work as I'm a LP and have no family locally. My DD wouldn't manage without me either side of school either, it would be meltdown central.

Your OH will have to take leave or work from home.

Op has already said that he can't take leave (and I gave an example of a police officer I know who has had all leave cancelled by the Met due to Brexit).

And not everyone can work from home - police officers, drs, nurses, shop assistants, bus drivers....

We can't all work from home.

My DH is on a leave ban too, it's more precautionary than anything, but he's had the leave accepted anyway. All our hands are tied, if it kicks off then yes I will have to concede but my DH's employer have a duty of care to him and his dependents too, it isn't all on my employer because I'm the mother.

Just to everyone who is saying 'surely you thought about this before you had children' etc, life doesn't always work like that. I had a plan where I had a local job and was going to go back part time after mat leave. But after many years of unsuccessful trying to get pregnant I couldn't stay indefinitely treading water in the local job so ended up in a job a one hour commute away (rural area, niche role, not many options). After a couple of years I did in fact get pregnant, to our surprise, and the job just wasn't compatible with husband's job hours and fixed childcare hours, nor did it pay enough for a nanny so I had to have a major rethink. So I tried to plan my career with children in mind but it didn't quite go to plan.... I'm sure there are loads of other people in a similar position eg grandparents move away unexpectedly or develop health problems, job role changes due to restructuring etc etc. It's not easy. Good luck OP.

You could buy the services of a temporary nanny or babysitter, pay for a separate room at the same hotel as yours, and put them all in there? That’s what I tended to do with DN

Might be worth your DP checking whether the leave ban also extends to unpaid parental leave. It's possible it doesn't.

I've had my parents to stay in a similar situation, and on one occasion took the kids to stay with their other grandparents. You could pay a professional childminder and babysitter though. Depends how much you really need/want to do the work thing

Who provides the childcare currently?

We just have to discuss it between us and plan who needs the time most. If I have work travel planned, dh just has to schedule around it/take the time off (unpaid as he is self employed) - obviously that is dependent on being able to take the time off. I work 3 hours from home when I'm in the office though, so if dh needs to travel, I have to take the days off or work from home as I literally can't get to work and get home in time to do the school runs because of my commute. We just talk about it as far in advance as possible and then whoever's commitment is more pressing takes priority and the other has to work around it.

Its a similar situation to the met police ans brexit, its a no go on leave

I just needed to make sure I'd not missed an obvious solution before saying to work its just not possible

If they're not accepting of it theyre not an organisation i want to work for so fingers crossed

Is your child at nursery? We asked our DS's nursery keyworker to look after him a few times including overnight at our house when we were at a wedding.

DS seemed happy as he knew her and keyworker was delighted with the extra cash!

Is that an option for you?