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Original poster

Leaving baby

34 replies

sh13 · 06/10/2019 21:50

When did you first leave your baby overnight or for the day-say with your parents or in-laws ? My baby is 4 months and I know people are desperate to babysit but the thought of leaving him makes me feel really anxious. I’m breastfeeding till six months anyway and then was planning a morn an eve feed only, but who knows if that’ll work. I forced myself to let my mum take baby for a walk but even then I was so anxious. Am I overly attached ?

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Middledistancerunner · 06/10/2019 21:53

My baby is three and I haven’t left her overnight, and I wouldn’t say I was overly attached.
I know women who have left their babies at a week, baby came to no harm. So whatever works best for you really.

LauraPalmersBodybag · 06/10/2019 21:56

I didn’t leave my dd overnight till she was 1 or even a little older. Just smile and keep your boundaries op, you don’t have to leave your child for someone else benefit. Also, fwiw, she’s now 3 and happy to stay with gp’s etc.

Pinkflipflop85 · 06/10/2019 21:58

5 year old has never been left with anyone overnight. We've never had reason to.

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LauraPalmersBodybag · 06/10/2019 21:59

Also, I don’t think I left her in the day with anyone else other than my dh until she at least 6-7 months. I also exclusively bf so even when she was with him, it wouldn’t be more than a short time as she’d want milk. If a break is good for you, wonderful, but it’s okay not to be ready to leave her yet.

PlasticPatty · 06/10/2019 22:00

You don't have to leave your baby to meet other people's expectations.

QueenGoblin · 06/10/2019 22:02

I have a two year old. I have never left him overnight.

I left him for the day for the first time with my MIL just before he turned one. Otherwise he had only ever been in my husband's care if I wasn't around.

To be honest, I'm being badgered about overnights and I'm not a fan of the idea for a few reasons. One being when they take him out for the day they give me zero information even if I ask. I literally get one word responses which are along the lines of 'fine'. I don't like being that disconnected for a few hours. I don't expect a detailed report, but a bit of info would be nice. Especially as I know she sends photos all day to the rest of the family, just not me.

At the end of the day, do what you feel comfortable with. It's not about what other people want.

RolytheRhino · 06/10/2019 22:03

Well, not being with you is not the optimum for your baby so unless you have a reason to be apart from him, why would you?

Yoohoo16 · 06/10/2019 22:05

3 months old for the day, when I went back to work.
Overnight when she was 7 months. We had tickets for something miles and miles away that had been booked before I was pregnant.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 06/10/2019 22:08

My son is 2 and I've left him overnight once with DH for my sisters hen do. I wouldn't have left him for much else. It's normal to want to keep your children near you, especially when they're so small. Having said that it's also normal to want to have a break and be a normal person for a night too! So don't feel guilty if you do have a night away!

ohmysoul · 06/10/2019 22:11

My DD is 2 and I've never left her overnight, I've put her to bed every night of her life too. I have a friend who has a DD the same age as mine who went to Brussels for the weekend with friends when her DD was 3 months old. There is no right or wrong answer, except that you shouldn't feel pressured to do anything and should only do overnights away from YOUR baby when YOU are ready.

CaraL9 · 06/10/2019 22:13

We tried at 6 months and he/we weren't ready. Ended up driving back home to be with him.

Tried again at 1 yo and it was much better! Trust your instincts; you'll know when you and baby are ready.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 06/10/2019 22:15

I left my eldest overnight for the first time when she was about 2 3/4... it was a practise run for her granny looking after her when her baby sibling was born.

Can’t remember with baby 2 but as I was bf and he woke a lot it can’t have been before he was 2.

Haven’t left baby 3 yet and don’t intend to for a long time.

TheresWaldo · 06/10/2019 22:19

During the day at 5 months when I went back to work. V hard at first but it went OK. Overnight, my friend had her one night so we could go to a wedding or something at about 9 months. After that, nothing til she got invited to sleepovers/Brownie camp etc when much older. Of course you are not over attached. It's quite normal to want your baby with you and you should only do what you are comfortable with.

Saying that, I have read posts on MN where people never used a babysitter and didn't go out for 10 years. This to me seems barmy!

Mummyshark2018 · 06/10/2019 22:21

For an evening an evening with grandparents- 3 months.
Overnight with family- 6 months.
My dc weren't exclusively breastfed so would happily take a bottle though for a few feeds.,

LightDrizzle · 06/10/2019 22:22

When my first was 3 or 4 months old we left her with a family friend to go out to dinner with my parents. I thought I did really well, I only rang once from the payphone after the starter (pre-mobile days).
I couldn’t wait to get back to her.
I don’t understand this thing of people wanting overnights with other people’s little babies, I don’t think it used to be common at all. You are not being unreasonable. Next time you are asked, just say you promise to let them now when you are ready, it might not be soon, but you will let them know. If they push, tell them it’s getting on your last nerve and could they please stop.

welshsoph · 06/10/2019 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 06/10/2019 22:26

The deciding factor has to be who's benefit the baby sitting is for. I looked after my DGS overnight at 13 weeks, because my DS & DIL we're going to a wedding - they asked me and I was happy to do it. I do think it's utterly bizarre when GPSs are pressurising the parents to let them have the baby.

20viona · 06/10/2019 22:30

We left her overnight at 12 weeks. I knew she was in good hands with her grandparents and we needed some husband and wife time.

JuneSpoon · 06/10/2019 22:37

My DS is 23 months. I've been away for 2 separate nights, when he was about 18 months and 21 months. I left him with DH. I haven't left him with anyone else overnight nor do I intend to. I mean, I will at some point but I've no plans. I left him with my DM and DSis from 5pm to 12pm when he was 6 months old for a wedding.

They've never asked to have him overnight and even if they did I'd say no. He's not a toy I have to share! He's happiest with me and I'm happiest with him so there's no need to change things.

You're not overly attached!

PixieDustt · 06/10/2019 22:42

Definitely not over attached.
My DS is 3 months and I have no plans for him to stay over at anyone's anytime soon. I also have no plans for anyone to babysit him either.

Expressedways · 06/10/2019 22:46

First left DD with DM when she was just shy of 3 months to go to a wedding. Through circumstances ILs didn’t have her overnight until she was 1. We don’t live near family and I’d personally be jumping at the chance to have regular babysitting provided by loving GPs! Your baby, your choice though.

NigesFakeWalkingStick · 06/10/2019 22:50

For a few hours - 3 weeks when me and my ex DP went for a birthday meal. Were only gone 3 hours.

For the day - 10 months when I started doing return to work days (with my Mum). Went back to work when DS was 11 months (in hindsight I wish I'd waited until he was 2)

For the night - just over 1 year (with my Mum) when we moved house and was in chaos for 24 hours with furniture and boxes everywhere.

He's now 3 and spends a couple of nights at my Mums a month.

Thehouseintheforest · 06/10/2019 22:50

No1 first left at 3 weeks in the day to go to hairdressers and facial.

Left for a long weekend in Amsterdam at 4 months.

The subsequent 3 I left during the day for a few hours every week to get some time away. DH and I made a conscious decision to take regular child free breaks , having seen too many friends marriages collapse through massive shift from focus on each other to exclusive almost obsessively focus on the children, to the detriment of the parents relationship with each other.

This can be even more of an issue when ebf. (Which I did with all).. the clue is in the title. 'Exclusive' bf is exactly that. Not just in the sense that it's the 'exclusive' food for baby..but exclusive between mother and child excluding all others - including husband. Taking time way and reconnecting with each other as partners and lovers is imho essential - especially in the early years when child care is so intense.

Mine now all in late teens /twenties. Not a single one can remember mum and dad being away. They remember staying with Granny and grandpa but no recollection of missing me. We went away probably every 3 months throughout their childhoods.

yikesanotherbooboo · 06/10/2019 23:01

I first left DC1 for the night to have DC2. They were 18 months. I had left them occasionally in the day before for work with DH or a trusted friend. I started work more regularly when DC2 was 3 months but of course was leaving them together with the cm.i never really felt like being apart from any of the DC overnight unless I really had to and in nearly 30 years those days can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

DollyDaisyMayMight · 06/10/2019 23:23

From the other point of view - I stayed with my maternal grandparents probably from about 9 months when my mum had gone back to work. I have nothing but treasured memories of staying at my Nan and Grandad’s, in their much loved family home, and very much want the opportunity for emulated between my parents and children - for the benefit of all three generations.

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