Tips please on enjoying family life!

[AverageHuman]

So my 6yo says she doesn’t want to grow up and be like me :-( I know parenting is hard but my kids are very good and I want to start chilling out and enjoying life rather than just surviving. My kids are no longer toddlers and I want more than just this constant worry about keeping them safe and telling them what not to do.
I’m really hoping some chilled out mums that enjoy parenting and don’t constantly worry can tell me what to do!!! I know it’s normal in this age we live in but I desperately want to be different for my kids’s sake.. I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks in the past, I don’t want that for them..

Sorry to hear about your anxiety OP. How do your weeks/ weekends look at the moment?

What do you do with them at the weekend? Do you plan fun things? Visit a different park each week - get them to help you plann- find it on a map, work out how to get there, make it an adventure. Or take her swimming. Or find a local workshop - look at your museums, galleries etc. Have Saturday night film night where you take it in turns to choose the movie. Bake together. Grow vegetables together. Just find things you can enjoy together. Not loads or tons, but a couple each week. And whole you do that activity forget about day to day stuff. Forget the bolas, the housework, the homework etc and just be in the moment. I don't know of this is the sort of thing you want to hear, bit make memories with your child.

Thank you x I am feeling so much better nowadays.. I have the odd panic attack but only when I have too much on. My MH is the best it has been in years.. but our lives revolve around getting kids to school, getting them in bed in time.. etc

We do some fun stuff together but baking a growing vegetables would be nice, it seemed so much easier to do relaxing things when they were little! Different parks would be good too, that’s nice and simple.

I think it’s about how I feel, how I see danger everywhere, how I worry if I’m getting it right.. most parents I know are also the same as me. I’m sure there must be mums who are not like this! And mums who don’t have to have everything scheduled, so we could just hang out spontaneously, have a mini party on a Friday night or something??!! And not just moan about how hard it all is!! It all just seems like everything is scheduled and hard work.

I rarely feel we have fun as a family, there is hardly anything we do that we all enjoy. It seems such a waste, we have such fab kids but we are so often telling them off or being cross..

I also just don’t know what I’m meant to be teaching them or helping them with now they are school age? I knew what to do with babies and toddlers..! I help with homework and reading etc.. I’m a good mum but I feel like I’m missing something I should be doing??!!?!?

The fact you are worrying about this means you care deeply. So give yourself a big pat on the back for that. Follow their interests....so if they are into The Titanic - go to the library and get some books. Sit with them and look at them. Make a plan for next holiday to visit somewhere that has more information or something relevant. As for the rest....feed them, house then, keep them clean. And everyone worries about the things we aren't doing. That is normal. Just plan tiny things. (I have no spontinaity... everything is timetabled just due to having 3 kids with at least one activity a night and sport at the weekend. I wish I could just whisk them off on a whim....)

Carry on reading and helping with homework and start adding more things and teach them about their world.
Make a plan to go somewhere this weekend.
Do you go to libraries or museums? Find places local to you to visit.
Go out into nature and visit parks and woods.
At home, watch documentaries and tv/films together, play board games, bake and cook. Teach them to do chores.
You don’t have to do all those things constantly, but every now and and then.

Op what do you like to do? Share your own passions with them.

Thanks :-) I guess it’s normal and just life !
Unless I Home school them but then I’d die of exhaustion haha

I enjoy museums and woods. When i just had my daughter we would take photos of nature. Ever since I had my son I find it hard to do things I enjoy with them both.

My son can be trusted with a camera now actually. Thank you for the ideas. I’m going to try more things I used to enjoy this weekend.

Good luck.

That sounds great op.
Take a little picnic with you. Kids seem to love picnics. Even if it’s eating under an umbrella or in the car.
Have fun

Small ideas:

Can you have a nice sit down at the table after school with snack and drink and catch up on their day together without any distractions for 15 mins after you get home from school run. Before any mad dash to do homework or activities.

Friday night introduce film and picnic night. They get to stay up a little longer, choose a film to watch togther and simple food in front of TV.

Try and have one morning or afternoon at the weekend free to just potter around, or do an activity together at home

Board game night midweek. A shortish one you can fit in 45mins after dinner

Personally? I think a good old dose of therapy. I'm currently doing some work with mine on being connected, being intimacy and my inner child. The things my kids need from me that I feel is tough. Hence why I'm great at feeding them, looking after them, etc, but not so great at having fun with them

Do you have any time for yourself? That’s necessary when you have small children.

I found that we liked to be out and about - but then sometimes pitching a tent indoors and having a picnic was fun, or watching a family movie (I have seen spacechimps at least a million times) with popcorn was relaxing.

Yes my therapist said I worry about safety and security due to my early life, but personally I think most people I know are anxious about safety. She said I need to let the kids do more, teach them how to do things safely. She said I need to play with them.

Last night they helped me make dinner and we all enjoyed it.

I get ‘me’ time but no opportunity for fun. I love hanging out with my husband but we don’t have opportunity to do it except meals out for birthdays. My friends are so busy with kids and work and family time.

You do need some time away from the family. Maybe an evening class? I did one and it was heavenly.

I think everyone worries about their kids and their safety. But generally most family activities are safe as long as you are sensible.

I think perhaps a different mind set helps with kids. They probably aren't going to enjoy all of what you were interested in before having them. But something's you can share with them and teach them about. At other times it can be fun for everyone to try something new together. I was of the opinion that if my kids were happy, so was I.

I don't think kids need constant organised activities to have fun. As a family we have had as much fun painting the garden shed as we have on organised days out. Things like collecting autumn leaves on a walk and then using them to make a picture when we get home, all watching a film together, board games and jigsaws, cooking, a walk in the rain jumping in puddles.

There is no way my husband would want to spend the weekend painting a shed. Maybe that’s part of the problem that he prefers to take the kids to soft play than do something outdoors. There is no way his parents would have done that sort of thing as kids, they did a lot more structured activities. I used to enjoy the simple things with my kids during the week, and the holidays are lovely, but weekends now are difficult as I’m mindful it’s my husbands only time at home and I can’t face him being miserable if I plan things I’d like. There are a couple of things we do all enjoy, like museums.

Yes a class would be good :-)

Being outdoors and in nature is the best thing for kids.
Let them run and play and explore nature and have totally wild and unstructured time. Too much structure can be stifling for development and creativity.
Have a look at this from the National Trust site.

www.nationaltrust.org.uk/features/50-things-to-do-before-youre-11--activity-list

You don't have to spend the whole weekend doing the same thing though!

How about asking everyone what sort of things they would like to try and then see if you work some of those into some planned activities. I think you have to accept that you are unlikely to find something that everyone wants/likes to do - just because you are a family doesn't mean that you will all have the same interests. But you need to make it clear that everyone will have a chance to do something they like, and everyone else needs to give it a fair go (including your DH - he sounds worse than the kids!).

If you want some ideas for outdoor activities, the National Trust has a great list of 'things to do before you're 11and 3/4s'. Some quick, some whole day activities.

cross post Beech!!

Oh gosh thank you but this is becoming exactly the sort of thing I am trying to get away from, such as fretting about kids getting developmentally stunted because they spent a Saturday in soft play instead of at national trust. If I told my husband that he would laugh his head off, he is very happy, creative and well developed emotionally.. more so than me who spent all my weekends outdoors in the garden. He had parents who were kind, responsive, and wanted to spend time with him which is most beneficial in my experience.

We were part feral as children.

We would go to museums and hikes/picnics with mum and dad - but my happiest memories were of digging in the garden, having bonfires and ‘exploring’. Parents nowhere to be seen!

OP you haven't read that link - I don't think any of the 50 things to do involves going to a national trust property. It's stuff like walk barefoot in a stream, skim a stone, roll down a hill.
My kids would laugh and ready for their phones, but it's not a bad list in itself!