How do you play with your children?

[sadlycindy]

My DS 17 months will entertain himself for hours playing with his toys. He doesn't try to get my attention, unless he wants to read a book. So I tend to just leave him to it and do my own thing, whether that's watch tv, get some work done or use my phone.

I have tried playing building towers before, but he's not really interested, he prefers just throwing the bricks everywhere. I also play stacking rings with him but he loses interest after not too long. I asked my friends today if they play with their children and they said they do, all day!

Now I feel like a bad parent. I don't know how to play with him, what kind of things can I do with him?

Bloody hell, I’d revel in this time, OP! If he’s happy and he knows where you are, then leave him to it.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

If you’re both happy then keep doing what your doing! I thought my DS never wanted to play at that age also he’s 22 months now and wants me to play games on the floor all the time! Take the rest while you can! making sheep say hello to each other for an hour can be draining (but adorable and wonderful at the same time)

Oh my god I am very, very jealous! My DS has not left me alone since he was born 🤣
Seriously as PP said, if it ain't broke don't fix it. It sounds like he's getting on fine and knows where you are for a book or a cuddle

My youngest is 9 months and occasionally I might play with her for a few minutes a few times a day, but most of the time she’s happy on her own or with her brothers. My older 2 play on their own or together, I only play with them if they want to play a board game or cards or something.

Probably not relevant but be aware that kids with autism can be uninterested in playing with parents /showing them things. Just a thought

I'd do many things for my son (3) to be able
to play on his own with toys! Please revel in it - maybe you're lucky and he'll always self occupy. I have to spend hours of my day with a non compliant toddler trying to get him to play and I'd love it if I could sit him down and get him to play for just an hour sometimes 😂

Oh thank you everyone. I'm not a terrible parent after all then. I just felt guilty and lazy.

Yes it is good. When we go to playgyms he's off on his own playing by himself and with other kids. He'll only come back to see me when he's hungry. I can still see him the whole time though.

My kids were all like this, more so because they had each other to play with but my eldest was too.

I used to feel guilty about it but as they got older I realised you need to find your thing you do together, so for me that’s reading and cooking, I can’t be arsed running round pretending we’re in space or playing with toys, they have each other for that.

@jellyjellyinmybelly Probably not relevant but be aware that kids with autism can be uninterested in playing with parents /showing them things. Just a thought

Oh dear I am worried now. I have just rang HV to see if they'll come out.

Sorry I didn't mean to worry you. Hope your health visitor is lovely - mine is, there are some really good ones out there.

How can a comment like that not worry someone?

I’m no expert on autism but I’d imagine there’s more signs than just being happy to play alone.

Thing is, if worst case scenario is it is autism then finding out early is a good thing? Just thought might be worth mentioning as you might want to look at a list of signs just in case. I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry for upsetting you, it wasn't my intention. I do know some kids with autism and this was one sign.

My 1st child was similar - wasn't bothered about being played with and was happy to potter about. If I tried to engage him in a game he'd just pay alongside or would take my bricks and cars and move them away from me. He would bring his books and would respond to his name, would try to converse and follow a pointed finger etc so I wasn't too worried about autism at that stage and I just let him get on with it, much as you describe.

When my youngest came along there was no jealousy or anything and he loved his baby sister and tried to help look after her (he was 17 months at that point) and as they grew up they played together.

They still play together now and I don't ever join in. I just supervise and stop them getting too giddy and intervene if the game spills over until an argument.

Now 8 years later, he's been dx with adhd and does struggle in some social situations and I do occasionally wonder about autism now (it is in our family on both sides) but if he does have it the he's on the higher functioning end of the spectrum.

In your shoes op, if you're worried about the asd suggestion then ask your health visitor but there would probably be other signs if so. Just enjoy your calm, non-needy toddler!

Even if he doesn't want to play could you sometimes get on the floor with him and copy what he does or laugh and chat?
Does he babble at/with you? Kids are all so different aren't they.

Mine is the same age and we play together all the time. We read lots of books. We roll balls. I ask him to find a specific toy or colour so he learns the words. I chase him. I push him round the room on his trike. We play in the sink with spoons and cups. We dig in the garden. I don’t get a moment’s peace. Sorry but it sounds a bit neglectful just to watch tv and ignore your child. Surely there’s not much you can watch on tv that’s suitable for a 17mo to see anyway?

@MistyGlen what do you watch on tv that’s not suitable for a 17 month old?! I’m sure you’re enjoying your perfect parenting at the moment but there will come a time when you wish your child could occupy themselves for a few minutes - as lovely and Instagram worthy as your mud digging child sounds, it’s certainly not neglectful to not play with them constantly.

I don't know why I ask for advice when people like @MistyGlen come on and accuse me of being neglectful. How dare you! Please stay off my thread, I don't need any comments from judgmental people such as yourself.

I did ring HV and she said she didn't think there was anything to worry about. He's not showing any social or communication delays.

Since I posted the thread initially, I then noticed him bringing me cuddly toys and other things and coming and sitting beside me.

My eldest (2.3) is like this and pretty much always has been. He is happiest playing with his cars. He likes me to be in the room but doesn’t really want or need any involvement in playing. He’s happy, I’m happy. And I have no concerns about autism with him. I much prefer this to how my sister has it with her 4 year old and has to sit through tedious role play over and over all day every day

OP you might be interested to see this - some of the so-called '6 stages of play' stated by an American sociologist in 1922 and still widely used in early learning and childcare today.
So your LO would fit perfectly normally into the 'solitary play' category. 🙂

I rarely played with mine, they had the odd craze where I had to pretend to be x, y,z imaginary characters (which I found a total chore) but obliged. I actually think it’s so important for kids to be able to play independently, I’d be more concerned as a parent if they required your input constantly. Reading books to them is really important but that can be a bedtime routine thing. Just enjoy it op, it may all change anyway!

God I would love for DD (2) to do some independent play. She will not play on her own for even 5 minutes. I’ve tried all sorts, setting her up with small world stuff, rotating her toys regularly, playing with her and then going off to finish some washing....nothing works. After about 30 seconds she just follows me saying ‘Mummy play! Read a book please!’

I am more than happy to play with her for most of the day, but I do need some time to sort bits out in the house! Honestly, if he is happy then make the most of it!

misty maybe your posts here could help you understand why you have no mates, as you started a thread about it, you’re not making yourself look great are you, ffs.