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Parenting

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Original poster

Is a two year age gap hell? Don't know if I can do it

58 replies

SaltK · 11/09/2019 14:58

I've found myself unexpectedly pregnant with a 15 month old DS. I'm very, very on the fence, I actually went for a termination today but they couldn't see enough so I have to wait a week.

DH and I are going back and forth. I just don't know if I could cope. DS was a terrible sleeper and still often has bad nights, and I really struggled his first year. But it feels selfish to end a pregnancy because I'm worried I'll be tired and overwhelmed, but I'm scared we won't cope and it'll adversely affect my mental health, DHs mental health, and therefore our DS. I feel absolutely awful at the thought of a termination, especially because I had lots of pregnancies that didn't work out before DS and I would have done anything to have a baby. I can't believe I'm in this situation.

I don't know what to do. Sometimes I've been thinking "just go for it", but then I think, honestly could I do it? Lots of people seem to manage a 2 year age gap, but to me it just sounds so difficult. I don't want to regret my choice, but I have no idea what choice to make.

OP posts:

BrexitBingoGenerator · 12/09/2019 21:43

I found going from 1 to 2 really hard- I had a gap of 22 months between them. They are older now and the dynamic is absolutely lovely. Looking back, I would get stressed out about the house being a mess or that I felt disorganised and out of control- I knew at the time I was being silly and needed perspective but struggled to get a grip of myself. So, honestly, I think you will be fine as long as you truly believe that the chaos really doesn’t matter and just lean into it. Good luck

BrexitBingoGenerator · 13/09/2019 05:03

OhioOhioOhio · 13/09/2019 05:10

3 under 3. Single mum. Wouldn't change it for the world.

It is a blur. But loads of tips, shot cuts and low standards get you through.

Much easier than a big age gap I think.

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AzraiL · 13/09/2019 05:40

My daughter was two months shy of two when I had my son. It was difficult, but got into a routine of just doing everything twice (feeding, nappies, bathing, sleep time). I made sure I gave DD a big 'helping' role so that she felt included and important.

It was difficult. BF'ing, the lack of sleep, the constant supervision, trying to potty train one when the other wants a feed, etc. But then suddenly they're independent, and close in age, and good buddies (although they do bicker) and old enough to be parked in front of the telly with some cereal in the morning so you can have an extra half hour snooze.

It gets better.

Original poster

SaltK · 14/09/2019 08:50

Thank you so much to everyone. The supportive comments and stories have been really, really helpful. I'm also really grateful to the posters who have said it's okay to not be ready and to prioritise my health and my son. I still don't know what we'll do, but you've all given me a lot of food for thought.

OP posts:

Teddy091993 · 14/09/2019 22:29

Well i do not know about 2 yeara gap as i will be soon a mom od irish twins.boyh of my children will be born in the same year 🙈 I didn’t expect that to happen but as you said i had lost before mt DS and i just couldn’t cope with toughts of the terminatiom.
My som is currently 7 months and 2 weeks old and im pregnant already 27 +...
Swe had really rough time at the beginning with my DS as he was colicky, had reflux and it effected his breathing.. milk didn’t sit well and we had constipation issues for ages. It was rough road but now it’s getting better. And soon another monkey will be here and its scare the hell out of me and i know it will be hard but I decided that ok i will not sleep probably for another 2 years properly and have no life but once they are at nursery i can relax a bit 😃i just decided to suck it up 🙈🙈🙈 end of the children are the best thing that happened to us. Im
Sure you will make the right decision for you and for your family good luck xxx

RandomMess · 14/09/2019 22:33

Whenever you have your next child remember the huge difference is that you have bags of experience and more confidence.

Aria999 · 15/09/2019 05:07

It sounds to me like you would regret a termination, because of your past history and how hard you're finding the decision.

Even if it's hard at times I doubt you would regret not having a termination once you have the actual baby.

Good luck! I think you should go for it but no judgment if you don't xx

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