i lost it with ds1 for the first time today - red mist descended and i yelled at him

[Tutter]

details not really important i suppose, but basically ds1 was pushing and pushing me (i was feeding then trying to settle newborn ds2)

i screamed at him

[deep shame]

You're only human, Tutter. We've all done it.

Have a hug, lovely blue mouse

I have been right where you are now and I found it very, very hard. Because it is hard, largely.

Have another hug.

Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure he's forgotten it already

I did the same to DS1 when DS2 was a newborn. It's a nightmare time for all involved. It won't last forever and they won't remember anyway so try not to beat yourself up

tutter I have screamed at DD about 3 times today
it's awful
having a toddler and a baby is VILE. I think I have cried every day over something for the last 2 weeks

thanks all

it was horrendous and to make matters worse my mothers help arrived just at the peak of it all - heard ds1 screaming, me screaming, saw me in tears

oooh noooo

feeding ds2 is definitely a trigger for ds1 acting up. will have to come up with tactics to deal with it - a box of toys does not always cut the mustard

i used the tv tutter

Or an interesting slightly illicit snack.

Was demented for a while but it gets better and can't really remember much of it now.

My friends v. intelligent 3 year old pushed and pushed her when she had ds2. He then noticed she was a little watery eyed and just said 'are you going to cry again then mum?'

problem is that feeds last so long at this stage - easily 40 mins - so difficult to find anythin that holds his attention for so long

i really hope there is a line that i would not cross - between screaming dementedly and actually hurting him

but scary

It does get better. DD1 would go and crap in a corner while I was feeding DD2.

She did get shouted at, she has adjusted. Seems a long time ago now but it's less than a year.

Tutter you have my utmost respect that you have never lost it in this style before now. Seriously. I am envious.

Aw tutter you have my sympathy!Ds1 is teething atm and though he is lovely with ds2 he has been acting up a bit at times. I'm very fortunate though - I've got dd1 and dd2 to help distract him! Might be a different story when they go back to school next week though.

Holy cow .. he's 2 and you've never lost it before - much respect!

give yourself a break Tutter, its hard at the moment, it'll get better honestly it will

have you tried breastfeeding whilst reading DS a book (big books are best) - he can snuggle into your side whilst you feed (you may need pendulous breasts for this maneouvre I'm not totally sure)

have tried getting him to cuddle up hectorhouse (are you a namechanger?) but he gets distracted by ds2 and inevitably gets rough with him

tuuter
i remeber posting here when i did similar with dd, felt so bad but i wish i could say i havnt done it again but we are only human and our bodies cant be on form all the time.

cuddles and i love you stays in their minds more than the odd scream

Sympathies...it's so hard with newborn and toddler/smallperson!
My (toilet-trained) dd used to deliberately wee on the carpet when I was bf dd2. Very difficult to maintain calm, consistent approach!!
It was C-Beebies to the max in the early days.
Congratulations on your new arrival

COuld you get a sling to carry baby in while you feed (am presuming you are breastfeeding from the '40 mins' in your post).

Mine was a godsend

Tutter, the first time I lost it with DD was very shortly after DS was born.

It's so hugely different (and frustrating) dealing with your first when you have a second child. Let alone terrible two's etc.

I think most of us have shouted at our lo's at least once.

The initial months too, when you are stuck in a chair for what seems like most of the day are tough.

Get some playdough - trust me on this (just dont leave him on his own with the playdough and ds2......... All toddlers think this is MAGIC. A little table and chair for him to sit at while you b/feed. And - CBEEBIES!!!!!

OR

get DS1 a doll to 'feed' play with whilst you do the same with DS2. That helped us a bit too.

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tutter, the first time I lost it with ds was after dd was born. Up to then I had actually never even raised my voice to him.

But when she was about 6 weeks old and could cry for literally 3 hours straight with colic and all I had was well meaning friends saying, not "shall I take both your kids off your hands for 2 weeks while you have a sleep" but "have you tried a sling?" I did lose it with ds. And dd. And dp. In fact I screamed at EVERYONE and then went and sulked in my room and refused to come out until the baby stopped screaming . She DIDN'T of course.

But you have much sympathy. Two kids, esp a newborn and a toddler, is just utterly different to one.

playdough has been used almost to the max, but i shall see if i can wring just a bit more time out of it

oh yes cod, ds1 now seems enormous. changing his nappy feels like i'm putting a nappy ona fully grown man

tellin dh about my day, it felt like i was admitting to child abuse

is it possible for a dh to properly undertsnad what a day like today was like i wonder

I don't think they ever fully get it, no. Even if they are mega-supportive etc etc.

The first time I really lsot it with my DS was after my DD was born, it is hard juggling the two!

Can you read to him while you are feeding? Play cars/trains etc? Do puzzles? Colouring? Painting?

Hang on in there, it will get easier