i lost it with ds1 for the first time today - red mist descended and i yelled at him

[Tutter]

details not really important i suppose, but basically ds1 was pushing and pushing me (i was feeding then trying to settle newborn ds2)

i screamed at him

[deep shame]

is that really the first time you've lost it and screamed at DS1? [impressed emoticon] I am such a bad parent I didn't last nearly that long

I just feel terrible hearing that you lot don't regularly lose it with your small children

well, not terrible, I mean, I am glad you don't, but, well, you know

LOL Franny! Maybe you arent as bad as perhaps you thought you were, and we are in fact worse than you think we are. Or something.....

Tutter - the first time your DH is left on his own, in the house or supermarket shopping with both of them will be the time that he sees where you are coming from. Honestly, dont worry

No, I am quite bad. Ah well. I am good at other things [brave smile]

Wow, Tutter I am impressed. I have been applauding myself for only shouting at my 2 older dc twice in the last 3 days...it is a first for me. i lost it totally with dd1 tonight at bedtime about not getting her pajamas on without a fuss.....she's only 3.5 sounds to me tutter that you're an amazing mum, and you just have to be human and lose it occasionally.....believe me you'll do it again and you'll get used to it, you won't feel so bad. he won't be scarred for life

Message withdrawn

franny, the other thing though is that I wonder if I would have started to get much more grumpy with ds around this time anyway, as he got older.

I do honestly think that getting angry is really not the end of the world, or, if its not happening too much, something to get too worked up about. I think there is a limit to how much one can not feel angry, if that makes sense. Parenting young kids is tiring, stressful, painful and relentless, all triggers to red mist.

I think it far more sensible to focus on how that anger is dealt with than beat yourself up about losing it from time to time. That is not to say that shouting is ok, not really, but that a certain amount of it, or whatever else you do (everyone has SOMETHING, whether its passive aggression or whatever) is a bit inevitable and thusly its better to use it as a learning experience for everyone.

Good point re: age

I don't know

Join the club, tutter. You don't want to know this but ds1's testing behaviour is going to get worse, esp once ds2 leaves the cuddly baby stage of just lying there to getting mobile and into ds1's toys.

You turn into someone you hate. And your ds1 turns into this clumsy, demanding whingey brat.

I told myself I'd never do it but I have scolded (really scolded) my dd for falling over and hurting herself, more than once. All but accused her of deliberately falling over to get my attention away from ds - who was crying at that time.