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Leaving my 8 year old for half an hour

82 replies

Kirsttm32 · 02/09/2019 22:36

Hi, I need some advice. My partner is starting a new job next week with later finishes. I work shifts. I've been going over our rosters and theres going to be a few days a month (at most ) where I have to leave home by 18.40 and my partner will not finish until 18.30( guaranteed finish) with a 30 minute commute. My daughter is 8 in her final year at lower school. She likes to think shes 8 going on 18. Question is are we awful parents if we ask her If she would be comfortable staying in the house for those 20- 30 mins alone. Does anyone do this already and if so has it gone ok ? T.i.a

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TheFurryMenace · 02/09/2019 23:08

When my DD turned 10 earlier this year I started leaving her for 10 mins once a week to go for a run, gradually building up to half an hour. She has a mobile to call me if she's feeling worried or anything. And is under strict instructions to never answer the door, even if it's someone she knows. No cooker or PC on etc. She can watch telly or play. I am only running a distance of 10 mins max in case I need to get home quickly. Personally, I wouldn't have left her in the house at 8. But, only you can decide really. I'd worry about delays in getting home in your situation.

dontdoubtyourself · 02/09/2019 23:11

I would. The rent needs paying somehow. You know your daughter. Do none of pp's children go to the local park at 8 or play outside with their friends?

OctoberLovers · 02/09/2019 23:16

No.
Ur husband could be held up, or anything could happen

Just no

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Yabbers · 02/09/2019 23:17

I wouldn't have at 8. A little on the young side for me. DD is ten, we'll leave her for ten minutes to pop to the shop but no more than that.

I would. The rent needs paying somehow.
Poor reasoning. What if DD was 5? Is that ok? What if it were an hour or two, is rent the priority?

Do none of pp's children go to the local park at 8 or play outside with their friends?

Yes, but it's within screaming distance and if something goes wrong, I'm at home to deal with it, not 30 mins away in my car.

Winterlife · 02/09/2019 23:19

I have an acquaintance whose daughter is now grown. But one Saturday, the daughter, then 11, didn't want to go out. Her mother was going to be gone about an hour, they lived in a rural location, so the acquaintance told her daughter not to open to the door to anyone, and to call their neighbour if there were any issues (pre widespread cell phone times). Within that hour, a man came to the door, the girl answered, and he kidnapped her. She was blindfolded, raped, and tied to a tree in the woods. Fortunately, she was, and is, a very smart girl, and a day later, managed to loosen herself enough to escape, found the road, and walked to a farmhouse. Her blindfold had not covered her eyes completely, so she could give police many details about the car she'd been travelling in, as well as a good description of the man. He lived nearby with his mother, and had recently been released from prison for rape. The car description was the reason they were able to locate him so quickly, as it was an older model and somewhat unique. The car belonged to his mother.

I'm not suggesting this would occur, obviously, but it's an almost "worst case" scenario, with a girl who was very smart and whose mother never imagined she would open a door to a stranger when instructed otherwise.

Chances are, nothing would ever occur if an 8 year old were home alone. But the list of things that can, from rather mundane to serious, is long. I would just not risk it.

LiveInAHidingPlace · 02/09/2019 23:19

I'd say 8 is fine. Kids get left for the whole evening here from 5 (not saying that's ok obviously).

It's 30 minutes and if she knows what to do in an emergency, she'll be fine.

converseandjeans · 02/09/2019 23:22

We have only just started leaving our DS home while we nip to shop or take dog out. He's with DD11. I do think in the evening that it's a bit young. Once it's dark in a few weeks. You need a babysitter.

converseandjeans · 02/09/2019 23:22

DS is 9 - almost 10.

LavaLamp5566 · 02/09/2019 23:25

@LiveInAHidingPlace

Oh yeah, it's SO totally fine to leave a child alone for half an hour

Do none of you remember Poor Maddie McCann?

dontdoubtyourself · 02/09/2019 23:25

She's not five, and it's not an hour or two. I was going by the circumstances given funnily enough.

Within screaming distance? So when it's quiet you just trust they are actually there and playing nicely? it's quite easy to play chicken in the road quietly after all.

And the next post is pure scaremongering.

Lellochip · 02/09/2019 23:26

Do none of you remember Poor Maddie McCann?

A toddler in a foreign country is hardly the same situation though?

AppropriateAdult · 02/09/2019 23:26

If it’s only once or twice a month, is there a friendly neighbour she could pop in to for those 20 minutes?

hopelesschildren · 02/09/2019 23:28

At 8, year 4, dc3 walked couple of times a month from school to home and stayed on her own for 30-40 min. Both she and I were happy with it.

duffyluth · 02/09/2019 23:29

I tire of commenting on threads like these and trying to explain. Before anyone says don't bother, don't waste your time, I already have.

The kid is 8. Don't be stupid.

Kirsttm32 · 02/09/2019 23:41

First and last time I post on here. Thanks for all the non judgemental replies whether that was to say yes you would or no you wouldn't your opinions help. To those who are accusing me of creating a maddie situation you really are sad judgemental overbearing dicks. People come on here for a little bit of support or advice not to be made out to be a child neglecting criminal. For your information the town I live has middle school system where at 9 years old the majority of kids are walking a mile a mile and half each way to school without parents, my daughter is under a year away from doing this and to be honest if I let her - which I wouldn't - she would do it now. It's not about money I could pay a teenager to sit with her or drop her at a friends for half hour. I was asking if anyone does this and their opinions not the opinions of you trolls who quite frankly need to get a life rather than sit on here judging everyone else. I'm so glad I actually do have family and friends to ask for their advice and opinion but unfortunately some people who come on here will have no one and your opinions will count for alot to them, replying in the way that some of you have could really fucking effect someone. Thanks guys to those who have replied honestly but kindly and those who have offered their honest experiences. Fuck social media in future

OP posts:
pikapikachu · 02/09/2019 23:41

Do you have a local teen that you could ask to stay with her? My teens would jump at an easy babysitting job like that.

duffyluth · 02/09/2019 23:45

Bloody hell OP Hmm

Wereeaglesdare · 02/09/2019 23:47

I think people are being really arsey, it's better to ask other mums about this kind of thing than just risk it.

However please both speak to your employers OP about flexible working and see if you can start later and finish later and same goes for your partner. If its in regards to childcare most employers have to be seen to be flexible. Atleast then you would have peace of mind. The likelihood is she will just sit in and watch TV or go on tablet or whatever but I don't think you would ever forgive yourself if anything happened and in winter it's dark a lot earlier she might act like she's OK but she might become a bit scared by herself.

EdtheBear · 03/09/2019 00:02

For a couple of times a month I'd ask one of her friends mums if they could keep an eye on her - esp if its weather for out playing.

I had a key from about age 10 and half. Similar reasons I was home from school 30mins before my sister.
I don't think I'd trust a kid much younger than that.

FairyDust92 · 03/09/2019 00:02

😳🤯

SmartPlay · 03/09/2019 11:35

I'm always shocked when I read threads like these (leaving a kid at home alone, walking to school alone, letting a child play outside by itself or going to a shop by itself).

I grew up in mainland Europe, as did/do my children. Three different countries in total. Something like this hasn't been and isn't an issue anywhere. If I'd ask that question there, the answer would probably a confused look combined with something like "Do you mean your child is already 8 and has never been at home alone?".

Children going to/from school, shops, playgrounds etc. and staying at home by themselves for an hour or more is completely normal at latest when they start school (6 years old in those cases). Often earlier than that. Where I lived when my daughter was 3+ and also at the place where I live now, children from around 4 or 5 play outside by themselves - in both cases playgrounds in between apartment buildings. The kids live/lived there.

Mrskeats · 03/09/2019 21:09

You sound fabulous op.

Mrskeats · 03/09/2019 21:10

Oh and rant reported.

blissa1 · 03/09/2019 21:31

I think u have asked for opinions as you obviously don't like the situation and imagine if she had an accident or a fall or something set on fire !! You would never ever forgive yourself! Please don't leave her at home at all just ask to finish earlier. She comes first.

hopelesschildren · 03/09/2019 22:24

What if she had been in my car instead of at home, when I got hit by a lorry.
Still I don't think that is an argument for leaving her at home. I left her at home as I felt she was capable of it, was happy with it, it was more practical.