I hate breastfeeding. Please help.

[Cosmogirl86]

I have twins and am doing my best to feed both myself. They always seem hungry, always. They always cry.

They have a good latch, plenty of wet and dirty nappies. My health visitor expected them to put on 150g each week and they've put on 300g. So definitely growing and getting enough milk.

My husband think they are hungry and encourages me to give formula. I'm tired and exhausted so I give in. Then they scream again for more food.

I can't keep up. I thought it would be a nice bonding experience. I'm so tired. Everyone in my life has told me just to stop and give formula, no one is supportive.

My next door neighbour told me she regretting stopping breast feeding, and the regret lasted 20 years. My friend is on anti depressants to help with guilt after her milk dried up. So I can't stop. I can't handle the guilt.

How do I get sleep. Why are they so hungry

First of all, don’t be so hard on yourself.
BFing one baby is hard enough I can barely imagine how tricky and time consuming two much be!

They are hungry because they have stomachs and shit out all the lovely milk you just gave them in approx 0.35 seconds. Or so it seems sometimes.

Could you perhaps mix feed? If they have a good latch and are gaining weight introducing bottles shouldn’t hurt, and it will mean you can share the load with your DH until they/you find some kind of routine?

Maybe take a twin each in the night to lessen the load?
Or take shifts in the night?

No matter what you feel like now you ARE doing brilliantly.

*they have TINY stomachs

I'm afraid to give too much formula incase I lose my supply.

Can't you alternate? Bf one is hard enough.

It takes around 6 weeks for the milk supply to regulate. The way they do it Is purely by feeding and feeding non stop, round the clock.
Cluster feeding especially right now is exactly what they should be doing and sounds like hey are doing it well!
Although I was told all this before, nothing prepares you for how hard it actually is, never mind doing it x2.
There is literally no shame in using formula too or instead of.
Please don't let anyone pour mummy guilt on you, they are thriving. They will thrive however you feed them.
But they do also need a happy mummy so do what is also best for you.
I found over time it suddenly all just got a little easier. I stopped expecting to be able to do anything and just sat up, sometimes all night with the tv, snacks, nappies etc all ready and in arms reach.
It's up to you how to proceed, but I wish you all the luck it's bloody hard work.
And also, congratulations you may be too tired and emotional to fully enjoy it but you're going to get and give so much love and cuddles.
(I somehow look back at this fondly but it was hell. Hell on earth lol)

I nearly gave up and I only had one baby to feed, it was awful and I had an aversion due to sexual assault I had to get over. Breastfeeding support groups here were fantastic! I’d recommend getting your health visitor to give you your local support teams number for some help.

I would say either stick to boob or go formula full time cause it’s possible to overfeed when supplementing in formula. But don’t just choose to breastfeed as your scared you’ll feel regret, fed is best regardless and two babies at once is a lot of work!

How old are they?

I’m currently feeding my 6 week old and but she has the occasional bottle, like last night when she has been cluster feeding for 7 hours. I and my nipples needed a rest. It must be so difficult with twins.

I had massive guilty about giving up breast feeding with my first. It’s not until I’ve had my second and I realise now that last time I did the right thing for my family. I’m not saying you should give up bf but there is nothing wrong with the occasional bottle to give you and your nipples the occasional break.

My boys are four weeks old. They were five weeks premature.

They get one bottle of formula a night as they have been prescribed abidec and it's to be administered in a bottle. And occasionally an extra one when I just can't anymore.

I try to mix formula with expressed milk when possible

Combination feeding is a lot more common than you realise.

How old are they?

I’m not an expert but after the first couple of weeks if you have two babies feeding regularly then your supply is likely to be ok.

I combination feed by picking a time for bottle and sticking to it, the rest of the time I breastfeed on demand. Mentally it means I know there is one feed a day that I can get a break from (or if I give a bottle that my boobs can get a break from) and that is just about enough to keep me going!

Are you expressing and feeding two babies? Do you need to keep expressing?

regretting stopping breastfeeding for 20 years is a bit extreme.

I think if youve done 4 weeks and you really hate it, then youve done your best. Youve given the colostrum and they are clearly thriving, but you do need to be ok too. It is perfectly OK to formula feed if thats what you want to do. I do believe in breastfeeding being best choice where possible, but not if its making you miserable.
What about something like bottlefeeding during the day, but breastfeeding if they wake in the night? Since making up and warming bottles in the middle of the night is pretty miserable

Hey OP, I combination fed all of my 3. Pick specific feeds to replace with formula, don't do ad hoc bottles. When things calm down, you can reduce the formula and move to exclusively BF if you want. I did this with 2 of mine.

You are already bfeeding twice as much as someone with 1 baby so you won't lose your supply. You need to look after yourself as well as your babies. Ask your HV for help and support. Mine came to the house when I asked her to. You don't have to do everything on your own and whether you continue to BF or not.

You are amazing. You have carried 2 babies and breastfed them for 5 weeks. You are a great mum and doing what is best for you is often best for your babies too.

I regretted stopping breastfeeding for about 2 days. Pre DD I was so desperate to bf and persevered for 6 weeks despite a difficult recovery from EMCS, some PND and then wound infections.

I was so much happier when I switched to formula and so was DD. Wish I had done it earlier and not beaten myself up about it so much.

4 weeks bf twins is amazing and I take my hat off to you, but if it is making you this unhappy just stop. I wish I had and I may have enjoyed my DD a bit more in the early days.

OP do you do sleep? I'm not sure it's possible/ safe with twins but I've always felt much more rested when co sleeping rather than trying to settle people in cots and get in and out of my bed.
If you can't co sleep the next best thing is just to surrender and have the tv, snacks (chocolate), drinks etc all set up so that if you are awake at least you're comfortable. Do whatever you can to survive, get helpers round to cuddle babies while you nap.
Find your local breastfeeding support group and get down there every week to sob and cry and get some love.
THIS WILL NOT LAST FOREVER.
I don't think you said the babies ages but the first 3 months are the hardest so do whatever you can to get through it.

It's just hard to know what the best thing is.

I express still as my babies were in special care for almost three weeks and my supply isn't great because of that. The hospital had to supplement with formula and at home they get formula to take their abidec.

I am trying to maintain supply and lm scared each bottle of formula will lower it.

I know it won't last forever. I'm just tired. And fed up with battling everyone who wants me to stop

Do you really want to continue, or just think you'll regret it if you don't? Mix feeding is a perfectly viable alternative if you don't want to move to formula.

If you are unhappy then you need to think about what would feasibly make you happy, your DC need a happy mummy more than they need breastmilk.

Your neighbour needs counselling. Regret after 20 years?!

Op, have a think about what your responsibility is here. It's to make sure your children are fed and loved. Oh and being clothed helps too...

Whether the milk is breast milk or formula, your beautiful DC are being fed and loved. If you are too exhausted to cope with it, then you risk neglecting yourself, and then you will find by harder to be there for your DC to look after them. THAT is more important than breastfeeding.

Look after yourself and, more importantly, be kind to yourself.

My twins were nicu for a while, very prem. I pumped for a few weeks then there was no milk left. They came home both on bottles, I did my best. You have done amazingly to get this far!! Please don’t feel guilty if you want to stop - it’s your choice, if they go onto formula they will be fine and so will you

Honestly, don't feel guilty if you want to give up. I was going to give advise about continuing feeding then I remembered your title was that you hate breastfeeding. Honestly, if you hate it, just stop and formula feed. Breastfeeding is hard enough for one baby! You shouldn't feel guilty for formula feeding when there is two.

I breastfed my little girl for 16 months and honestly it was the hardest thing I've ever done and it took until I gave up breastfeeding for her to start sleeping through the night. Up until then she would still wake often in the night, sometimes hourly!

Your babies are feeding constantly as they are building your supply. Called cluster feeding. Id like to say they will setting, but if they do it doesn't last for long and the cycle starts again. Each time there is a growth spurt they cluster feed again. Meaning constant feeding for hours on end.

When I was breastfeeding I remember thinking, I wish I never bothered breastfeeding! But by a certain point my baby would only breastfeed and refused formula or milk in a bottle, so I had to continue. A had a friend with a baby the same age that is formula fed and he started sleeping through the night so early! I was so jealous! If you want to make your life a bit easier, then switch to formula while they are still young and don't get attached to boob!

I just want what's best for the babies and that's breast milk.

I probably worded my title poorly. I don't mind breast feeding itself. I hate the constant screaming, lack of sleep and trying to juggle two babies and tandem feed. So I suppose what I really hate is cluster feeding.

When does cluster feeding end

Your milk supply would have been reduce from having to express when the little ones were in hospital. The fact that your babies are putting on so much weight means that you are breastfeeding successfully. Without a doubt you have done amazingly.

Unfortunately the only way to not affect your supply is to feed on demand. This is most difficult in the first three months. And with twins twice the work.

Combination feeding is generally harder than bf or bb as you're dealing with the negatives of both. Breastfeed- you're still feeding on demand most of the time, sore nipples, etc. Bottle feeding- sterilising, making sure you have bottles when you need them.

If you can continue breastfeeding, if you feel you can't just bottle feed. Don't beat yourself up either way. They'll be enough mummy guilt over the years to stress about this! X

First of all, well done! Four weeks feeding premature twins - it doesn’t get tougher than that.

The hard bit it establishing feeding and it sounds like you are half way there. So if you want to stick with it, do it. Once it’s established and they are past the three month mark it gets so much easier. But equally if you’re done and you want to stop that’s totally ok too - spending 20years regretting it or going on antidepressants is a very unusual response.

OP, you're doing amazing! I only have one baby and found breastfeeding really difficult, especially at first when she was feeding constantly too.

For me, I didn't want to continue breastfeeding because it was too exhausting, but also didn't want to go into formula. I found that exclusively expressing was the way for me. Bottle fed so she lasted longer between feeds but still breastmilk, which meant I didn't feel guilty about it at all.

I honestly don't know if it would be more effort than just breastfeeding/formula feeding since you have twins, but it really worked for me and could for you too?

Good luck either way, remember, you're doing awesome!

Sending you lots of support OP- I only had 1 baby that never left the breast, I bow down to any woman feeding twins.
when I was struggling my husbands first instinct was to suggest formula - I mean men can’t say anything, if they encourage us to carry on we’d complain they were making us!
Anyway make sure you have support in every other aspect so you can just feed and sleep and eat yourself! X

You've done amazing to feed them and express too. If you're looking for more support and information to continue breastfeeding then I can highly recommend calling La Leche League, the association of breastfeeding mothers (ABM), Facebook groups and the website KellyMom.