I hate breastfeeding. Please help.

[Cosmogirl86]

I have twins and am doing my best to feed both myself. They always seem hungry, always. They always cry.

They have a good latch, plenty of wet and dirty nappies. My health visitor expected them to put on 150g each week and they've put on 300g. So definitely growing and getting enough milk.

My husband think they are hungry and encourages me to give formula. I'm tired and exhausted so I give in. Then they scream again for more food.

I can't keep up. I thought it would be a nice bonding experience. I'm so tired. Everyone in my life has told me just to stop and give formula, no one is supportive.

My next door neighbour told me she regretting stopping breast feeding, and the regret lasted 20 years. My friend is on anti depressants to help with guilt after her milk dried up. So I can't stop. I can't handle the guilt.

How do I get sleep. Why are they so hungry

Absolute admiration from me for doing what you've done so far with twins! I introduced a dummy with my first and mixed feeding with my second very early on - both things are supposed to impact successful breastfeeding but without them I would have given up altogether. As it was, these solutions really helped me cope and neither went off the breast - I fed them both for a year plus. We even dropped bottles when the cluster feeding settled down and I went back to exclusively breastfeeding. And even if you do find that breastfeeding doesn't work for you long term you've done brilliantly already so don't put so much pressure on yourself! In a few months when grandparents are giving them ice cream against your will it won't seem so important

Hey there! Firstly you are amazing!!

I have 21 week old twin girls. They were 6 weeks early & also spent 3 weeks in special care so I really really do understand the anxiety you feel. I expressed when in hospital with the occasional top up with formula when I needed a night at home. Both my girls struggled to put weight on so I made the decision not to breast feed as I felt it would tire them out too much. We were also on abidec when in hospital.

From your post it seems that you have only been home for one week. My goodness this is the hardest week ever!! You’ve lost the support of the hospital and now you’re flying solo! I made the decision to formula feed the girls as they would be on special premature baby milk as in all honesty I knew I could not keep up expressing when I got home. I am not suggesting for one moment that you give up BF but I just want you to appreciate the enormity or what you have achieved so far!

I would suggest contacting your health visitor & asking to be referred to a breast feeding support worker. There are classes you can go to but just getting through a day at home is bad enough without contemplating getting both babies ready & getting out!

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, you have honestly done so so well and whatever you decide will be for the best.

Us twin momma’s are warriors and don’t you forget it 😘😘😘😘

Hi,
I am sorry people are trying to get you to stop (OP’s last post).
Can you get some real life help? I used a Lactation consultant. Expensive but so very very helpful. She helped me by giving me lots of options and showed me somethings I didn’t know.
Also there are support groups for mothers of twins I think.
Last thing I will say is really think about what you want and what you are aiming for and why. It will help you when people are trying to get you to stop.

www.lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

The title of this book isn’t great but it’s actually a great book, very practical. Will help you see how long each stage lasts.

www.lllgbbooks.co.uk/store/p91/The_Womanly_Art_of_Breastfeeding.html

I couldn't manage breast feeding 1 baby, I don't know how you're managing to feed 2! Good on you OP.

Would you try combination feeding? See if they'll take formula at night? DH can then help with night feeds, take the pressure off you a bit?

Sounds like you've done brilliantly so far. BF'ing is NOT easy, many of us struggled with it

Well done Op, you are doing great.

My response is almost identical to @MaximusHeadroom

This is exactly what I did.

The only thing I would add is try not to worry about what happened to other people just now. I did that and it's just another layer of worry. You are you and you have two babies thriving.

Be very strict about the routine for formula and you will be fine. I did bedtime feed and morning feed formula.

Wow, very well done you for breastfeeding your twins! That is an absolutely wonderful achievement.
How old are they? It’s really hard in the beginning, cluster feeding is super normal and eases when pour supply is established after the first couple of months.
I’d highly recommend going to your nearest La Leche League meeting, they are absolutely brilliant and the real life help and support will be so valuable to you. They also have a helpline you can call anytime for advice and support.
I’m sorry that those close to you are not being as supportive of breastfeeding as they could be, this is probably out of concern for you but won’t be helping.
Can you cosleep at night to make night feeds easier, a bit more restful for you?
All the very best, you are amazing and you are doing a wonderful job!

Wow you're doing amazingly! It must be such hard work. Babies do breastfeed a lot - remember breastfeeding isn't purely for milk supply (although at the stage you're at this is key), it's also about comfort. Newborns are very suck-y! Have you tried a dummy? Cluster feeding goes on for a while and I also hit a fussy phase at 9 weeks with DS. I found on the whole everything improved from about 12 weeks but DS was still attached to me a lot! The best advice I received about breastfeeding was to throw away the clock and just focus on what the baby wants. You will definitely find yourself feeding more often than not with twins. You need to take it very easy, make sure you are eating and drinking plenty and that someone takes over regularly between feeds so you can rest/eat/shower. All that being said, if breastfeeding is not working out please don't feel guilty about switching to formula. Look after yourself.

You are going to be so proud of yourself if you manage to get through this tricky bit. Bottles won’t necessarily make this 4 week period with twins any easier. It’s really, really hard regardless.

It sounds like you dont want to give up. Youre just exhausted and want a break.
Do you have other children? Any support?
Any chance you could take your babies to bed for a couple of days and just rest with them

As many others have said, this is probably the most difficult point as you will now be physically exhausted from being woken by two babies all night for the last week or so. At 4 weeks it is acceptable from a breastfeeding point of view to introduce a dummy to babies who are growing well, and this will reduce some of the crying. Your milk supply establishes at around 6 weeks, so limiting formula top ups until then makes sense. I agree with a pp who says plan how many top ups to give and when to give them. I have helped look after twins for a breastfeeding mum and she would breast feed both before she went to bed at night. When the first twin woke I gave a bottle, then I would wake and bottle-feed the second twin. Could your partner do this? She breastfed for all the other feeds. Have you also tried a sling and white noise? Both can be very helpful. Also consider getting some kind of swing.

OP, sending general support your way! I'm certainly not trying to persuade you not to breastfeed (I'm doing it myself) but I note your very firm position that breastfeeding is unquestionably better for your babies and just wanted to send you this website which actually examines the evidence available for all sorts of topics relating to pregnancy, birth and post-natal issues.

This particular post looks at all the claims around breastfeeding benefits to assess which are supported and which are not. It makes for interesting reading and I hope will assuage any guilt you would feel (misplaced imo) if you were to decide to give up at any point.

expectingscience.com/2015/11/02/breastfeeding-benefits-the-real-the-imagined-and-the-exaggerated/

expectingscience.com/2015/11/02/breastfeeding-benefits-the-real-the-imagined-and-the-exaggerated/

Thank you so much everyone! I had another rough night but it seems to be better this morning.

We have no other children, we tried for five years to have children and multiple ivf cycles. We were very lucky that our last viable embryo decided to split in two!

I am not comfortable with them sleeping in my bed but their cot is right beside me so it's easy to reach them.

Right now the plan is to give formula for the 9pm feed which will hopefully get me an extra hour sleep, and the 4am feed which is the one I find hardest.

I hope we can get through it! I know formula isn't "bad", I was reared on formula, as were my siblings and my nieces and nephews. I just want to do everything right.

@WMPAGL

Thank you so much for that! That's so so reassuring that I'm not hurting my boys chances in life with bottles

Ahh CosomoGirl, I beat myself up for weeks about stopping breastfeeding (I combi fed for a while, then switched fully at two months).. I stopped when I went to my first baby massage class and suddenly met loads of other mums who were formula feeding without a hint of guilt/regret/bother. I suddenly saw that it was perfectly normal and I wasn’t doing anything wrong! The class I happened to join had 12 mums. 7 formula fed, everyone else breast fed. I felt this huge sense of relief and acceptance of my decision. No-one judged me, no one even commented!

After that, I forgave myself & stopped worrying. My daughter is now 27 months & I feel no regret whatsoever. My daughter is no different to her friends who were breastfed. They catch as many colds, coughs, tummy bugs, germs as she does. The bond with my daughter is no different, she’s my world. Once I took away the guilt & pressure, feeding was my favourite time. We’d cuddle right up just as we did breastfeeding, I enjoyed it so much more!

Now, everyone is different & I admire those who breastfeed. It’s wonderful if it works for you & your family. There is so much support out there if you would like to continue. But you aren’t doing anything wrong by not doing. A fed, happy baby and a happy mum is the most important thing.

Ps. I think your neighbour may have other issues if she’s felt that bad for 20 years. That’s crazy, especially if her children are grown up, happy & healthy!

Much love OP, as you move through parenting, you’ll look back & realise there’s no right or wrong with many things. You find your own way