Health visitor trying to push me to go to baby groups!

[BabEmama]

I have recently given birth to my son (hes 11 weeks old). And since the health visitor took over, shes been trying to push me into attending the children centre. To the point of getting me a family support practitioner, and booking me in for classes, that I didn't ask to be put in. Its really the only thing she talks about when she visits and the pressure is really starting to give me anxiety. I'm already starting to loose hair?? Which I'm putting down to stress, but this defo isn't helping. I've even spoken to my GP about it who says I don't have to attend. I never went when I had my daughter and she turned out just fine. I just don't like people. And I feel like I'm being forced into a situation I don't want to be in, just so the children centre can get their numbers up. I already have mummy friends and 11 week old babies aren't really interested in other babies. Well mine isn't at least. Had anyone else had this problem? I just want the health visitor to concentrate on the baby and drop the subject.

You don't have to go if you don't want to, although getting out and about is quite good for allowing children to get used to different environments and more confident around other people I think.

Hair loss is normal a few months after birth- it gets thicker during pregnancy and then falls out again after a while, so don't let that worry you too much.

Hair loss happens normally after birth.

But if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. You can also refuse further health visitor visits, or request another health visitor.

You don't have to go to baby groups but, more importantly, you don't have to see a health visitor. It's entirely up to you whether you ask her in or even answer the door, there's no legal requirement to entertain a HV.

When I had mine there were no 'baby groups' for which I am extremely grateful, I'd have hated anything like that.

Hair loss is completely normal pp, I lost all my arm hair which was odd.

Most children centres are struggling for funding and need people to go to keep the funding going so I can see why they are trying to encourage as many people as possible but equally you shouldn't feel forced or pushed into attending any sessions or groups.

Where are you seeing the health visitor go get all this pressure? We get a couple of home visits, well over by 11 weeks. You only see them if you contact them or go to a clinic? In which case why not just stop going?

The health visitor has been visiting every 4 weeks!! And then shes coming again because of head lag??? Which had now gone. He just had a big head. How often do health visitors usually come then? I haven't once been to her. I was hoping this 12 week check would be the last one till babys a year old

You don't need to go. I didn't bother until DS was six months old. Get a new HV!

I reckon if ur not keen on her she's maybe picking up the vibe and thinks your suffering from depression or something and is just trying to get u out and about
I'm not a People person either but I went to one and now my kid has made some little friends for going to school so it does benefit them.
I know I said u had mates etc but just saying

I went to one group once when DD was around 12 weeks. Nothing to do with the HV, it’s local and I thought I’d give it a whirl. DD slept for most of it, I made idle chitchat I could have done without and drank bad coffee. We came home, she woke up, had a feed and spent a couple of hours thrashing around on her baby gym mat thing having a ball. I haven’t bothered going back. I have friends I don’t get to see enough as it is. We didn’t do NCT as we didn’t want to meet people who just happened to have babies the same age. I might try again at some point but she naps in the morning and I’m not waking her up so I can drink Nescafé and talk about nappies or whatever goes on.

I’ve taken her to get weighed a few times and the HVs are mad keen to recruit you to baby groups there but it’s a drive away and I’m even less likely to go to those than the one around the corner.

My hair started falling out about 12 weeks and I’m still losing 5 or 6 handfuls a day at 5 months. It’s insane. When I wash my hair I cover half the side of the bath in it. Gross.

Don’t worry about your hair. Don’t get hassled into spending your time doing what someone else wants. Enjoy your baby.

Have you been having any troubles with your mood or at home, OP? Anything that might cause your HV concern?

Too many visits. Ring up and tell them you don't want anymore visits.

I never went to any baby groups with either of mine because I hate shit like that too.
More important that you are happy.

No I've been really happy at home with baby. No depression or pnd. We get out and about a lot seeing family or shopping etc. Really loving being a mum. Apart from the health visits lol.

OP I went to every baby group going when mine were that age, music, sensory, bf support, the lot - and I think your hair loss is normal as others have said.

But if you don't want to go to groups, don't! I suggest

Book a GP appt and ask them to review baby's head size. Confirm it's okay.

Next time HV comes, say cheerily you have been to see the GP, he is happy, so you won't be needing to take up any more of her appts. Then sack her off till the 1yo check!

You are the best judge of what makes you happy.

If you want to get her off your back without being confrontational then find a church playgroup (not run by local authority), go once, just before her next visit, and say you attend that. Much more free and easy and she can't check up on you.

Tell her to piss off you won't be needing any more visits unless it's the mandatory ones. I am awful lot of hair after giving birth for months. Completely normal. Could be your thyroid to get it checked out. Do not let anyone push you around

*i lost

Pick a different class then, like baby sensory or something. Then say you already have a class you like so plan to keep attending that one instead.

Just don't go if you don't fancy it. Not sure why people who don't go to baby groups have to be sneery about them. I went to a few, didn't love them but I still can see how valuable they are. It's not just talking about nappies either. How dismissive and patronising @AnneLovesGilbert.
Women so often subtly put other women down with these type of comments. Great that you don't require support and want to sit at home drinking your java blend but that's not true for everyone. As for NCT, 13 years later, I'm still really good friends with some of my group and the conversations have moved on from nappies...it's brilliant having supportive people in your life whose children are at similar stages and can offer their experiences and perspectives.

@BabEmama
I know you weren't sneering btw.

You don't have to go to baby groups but, more importantly, you don't have to see a health visitor. It's entirely up to you whether you ask her in or even answer the door, there's no legal requirement to entertain a HV.

This. And hair loss is normal. I would say though that I personally found it useful to have somewhere to go with the baby each day - groups, classes, NCT, the Post Office, whatever, so I'd always recommend the same to other new mums. But if you're genuinely happy at home/feel you're doing enough then that's that.

My HV was awful too. Really clunky and made me feel like I was getting a visit from the Gestapo. For people whose job it is to deal with women at one of the most vulnerable times of our lives, when our hormones are all over the place and we are sleep deprived, they are sometimes really crass in their approach.

I understand the need for child protection but a lot of HV really need to work on their people skills if they don't want to alienate the very people they are trying to help

My advice is to contact the clinic and tell them you no longer want the HV service at home and that you will make the necessary appointments with either the baby clinic or GP when it's time for immunisation or if you have any new concerns. If they ask why, then tell them you are not finding the service helpful. That the HV has made you aware of what is available locally and you don't consider that she can provide anything more that you will find beneficial.

Thank u all for your help. The health visitor is coming again today so fingers crossed this will be the last one for a while. Till hes a year old? The hair loss is quite worrying to me. The other half is moaning because I'm leaving hair all over the house lol. I might book a doctors appointment to see if theres anything they can do to help. My mum mentioned a cream I can rub into my scalp to help the growth. And yes I agree health visitors have a tendency to alienate the people they are there to help. I get a very judgy vibe. I'm sure they aren't all the same. And I agree children's centres can be great for people but every one is different. And as I said, I'm not a people person lol.

Hair loss is normal. It’s because you don’t loss your hair during pregnancy so when it does start falling out again it does in large amounts. It gets better eventually.

What area do you live in? I know Scotland and wales do more visits but where I work (as a hv) it's at birth six weeks 9 months and 2. Unless there have been issues such a domestic abuse previous safeguarding concerns/ongoing mental health and even then I wouldn't be insisting anyone goes to groups and I hated such things and realise it's not for everyone and babies will not suffer for it

Hair loss is fairly standard.

The HV will be aware of how easy it is for women with new babies to become quite isolated, so will recommend the baby groups on that basis. Perhaps she thinks as a second time mum who seems confident in herself you could be a good presence for others going to the groups.

It’s hard not to take her advice so personally but life is easier if you don’t.