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Original poster

Children alone on 2.5hr taxi trip

79 replies

user1467634265 · 26/08/2019 11:37

I would value your thoughts on the following situation ...

3 lively boys (5,9,11). Mother and father live 100 miles apart after M moved away with the children. Children have alternate weekends with F. M has to get children to F after school on a Friday and F has to return them on a Sunday night.

M is proposing to use a DBS cleared taxi driver to do the 2.5 - 3.5 hour journey and will NOT be accompanying the children on the trip. The driver comes recommended as someone who does school runs for a local school. Driver has done one trip with M accompanying the children.

F has concerns about the arrangement.

Thoughts gratefully received 🙂.

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Original poster
user1467634265 · 26/08/2019 12:38

@PalindromicUser ... I am a family friend, yes, on F side.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 26/08/2019 12:40

Im assuming nobody drives who could pick them up ?

Techway · 26/08/2019 12:42

So this went to go court and the mother ordered to do the driving due to the move?

Would each parent agree to meet half way as a better alternative?

I wouldn't want a 5 year old unaccompanied but suspect Mum is making a point that she is unable to the drive.

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MadeForThis · 26/08/2019 12:46

How do the kids feel about it?
What are the alternatives? Does dm drive? Is there a return train?

I can see why dm doesn't want to do a potentially 8 hour journey every other Friday.

What's the plan for when the driver is on holiday.

Could dm and df compromise and meet in the middle both days?

If dm moved then she needs to facilitate contact. Was there any dv in the marriage?

SmartPlay · 26/08/2019 12:47

Many of the anwers herer are another sign of how children are being babied in this country.

"But they need a rest, and what if they act up, and they will surely starve to death, they'll need a fridge full of food and drinks for this long journey, and how on earth are they going to pee!?" Jesus, get a grip!
At that age they should be capable to sit still for a 3 hour car ride and behave themselves. They should manage to survive with a bottle of water and a granola bar or a sandwhich each and they should be capable to aks the driver to please stop for a quick peeing brake, get out of the car and pee against a tree next to the road.

Mrsjayy · 26/08/2019 12:50

If the mum is insistent on this maybe the taxi company has escorts you could pay this must be costing a fortune already so an extra £10 for an escort might be a solution.

Original poster
user1467634265 · 26/08/2019 12:52

@MadeForThis There is a direct train from local stations on both sides. Yes, DM moved but M and F split journeys - M drops off at F and F collects from M. Accompanied on a train is sensible as there are toilets, snacks, tables, space and its more comfortable. I feel very sorry for boys having to be in a taxi for a journey of unknown length on a Friday night.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 26/08/2019 12:53

You are clearly being goady smartplay I guess your own 5 yeqr walk the 10 miles to school in the snow and manages quite fine !

amylou8 · 26/08/2019 12:54

No...and I'm usually pretty laid with stuff like this. The driver is just driving, he's not childcare, the DBS check just means he's got no criminal record, why should he be expected to supervise the DCs. The 5 year old needs supervisor, and the 9 and 11 year old are not old enough to be responsible for him.

TitianaTitsling · 26/08/2019 12:58

What's changed for the M, has she not factored this in to things?

SmartPlay · 26/08/2019 12:59

@Mrsjayy No, I'm actually being quite serious. The way people talk (not just on this thread, but in general), I'm surprised they don't put their kids in diapers and push them in a buggy until they are at least 12, because it would be fitting into the picture perfectly.

"I guess your own 5 yeqr walk the 10 miles to school in the snow and manages quite fine !"

Yep, without shoes and uphill both ways! Grin

Original poster
user1467634265 · 26/08/2019 13:02

@TitianaTitsling ... The arrangement is due to start soon following the move away by M. Ms proposals for transport are now known and IMHO given ages and distances, this is a transport arrangement and no thought has been given to the childcare arrangement. They are two very different things.

OP posts:
ChildminderMum · 26/08/2019 13:02

5yo is a bit young for this imo.

Missingstreetlife · 26/08/2019 13:07

Meet in the middle fri and sun, or childminder and train is best. Otherwise middle one in front and other two in back. Is ok but not brilliant. Agree eldest should have phone for emergency. Hope taxi driver in good health! Easier next year as eldest more grown up.

Original poster
user1467634265 · 26/08/2019 13:10

@SmartPlay I agree in part. My own 11 year old walked 1.5 miles to school because I had to work. Sometimes life just sucks and we all need to get on with it. This however involves a 5 year old and what could be a half a day childcare in what are unknown circumstances. Car journeys on motorways are infamously unpredictable. Siblings bicker and fight. Looking after 3 children's needs is HARD! Been there and done that. A 75 year old taxi driver + 3 young children + unforeseeable issues on a long journey. Is a disaster just waiting to happen? And can something be done to reasonably and responsibly mitigate should the unexpected occur. In this case, money is not an issue.

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 26/08/2019 13:11

Absolutely OP I wouldn't agree to this if was my children. Doesn't seem well thought out at all.

bluebluezoo · 26/08/2019 13:15

This is every weekend?

Will the kids not be shattered, 3 hour drive after school.

Why did the mother move? Very selfish of her. Presumably it involved school change for them all etc?

Poppyfr33 · 26/08/2019 13:18

Why not meet half way on Friday and Sunday?

SmartPlay · 26/08/2019 13:24

"I agree in part. My own 11 year old walked 1.5 miles to school because I had to work. Sometimes life just sucks and we all need to get on with it."

What sucks about this? I know in the UK (and partly the US) this is huge deal ("So young! All alone! So far to walk!"), but in most countries around the world - and I'm not just talking about very poor nations - it is completely normal for children from 6 or 7 years of age to walk, bike or take public transport to school on their own.

"Siblings bicker and fight."

True. But if they enjoyed some parenting, they will also know when it is "appropriate" to bicker and fight and when it's not - like in a taxi without a parent.

"Looking after 3 children's needs is HARD!"

Again: With some parenting, children that age should be able to behave properly in situations like that. And obviously the driver is okay with driving them alone.

stucknoue · 26/08/2019 13:26

The 5 year old is too young,

Mandatorymongoose · 26/08/2019 13:36

Will there be car seats for the 5 year old / 9 year old? Taxis don't always have them. That would a big worry for me. Sorry if it said in OP, I didn't scroll back to check.

Mrsjayy · 26/08/2019 13:42

Tbf Fairplay expecting a 5 year old to sit nicely for 3ish hours is a huge ask 5 year olds have no impulse control and will get bored if left unsupervised and it isn't great asking a taxi driver to be responsiblefor him,

Original poster
user1467634265 · 26/08/2019 13:42

@mandatorymongoose , yes, car seat for 5 year old. Not 9 year old who doesn't use one due to height.

OP posts:
helpmum2003 · 26/08/2019 13:45

Not a suitable solution.

Why did M move? Nearer to family for help? Abusive relationship?

CookieDoughKid · 26/08/2019 13:50

Best compromise is to meet half way. This arrangement is mad.