Baby struggling at nursery

[Rosebud1302]

Hi all,

I have a (as of today 😁) 1 year old boy. He is amazing and loving but a real mummy's boy. Always been quite clingy and loves his cuddles. Very wary of strangers especially being left with people he doesn't know.

This is his third week at nursery which I really know isn't long. But I feel so bad because he is really not happy :( he cries his eyes out when we go in the building and is hysterical when they take him off me. I try very hard to be upbeat and positive for him but it rips my heart out to see him reaching for me and crying and me leaving 😭

During the day he is very up and down. He cries a lot and is clearly unsettled (the staff tell me he is up and down I'm not just being a paranoid mummy). I have lots of mummy friends and their babies loved nursery from day 1 and I feel so guilty that my son doesn't enjoy it :(. He has apparently started to cry when the door to his room opens or when someone leaves the room even if they aren't interacting with him so he is clearly not happy :(

I am just looking for positive stories that he will be ok in time. How long did it take your sensitive souls to settle at nursery? I want him to have a good time and to not feel abandoned by me every day!!

Thanks for reading :) x

We have had loads of babies, who have cried for a month, then after a little while, they cry when the parents pick them up, cause they dont want to go home ...

Thank you guys. Yes I really would love nursery to work out for him. But of COURSE if it were ever as bad as you describe @OctoberLovers I would take him out. From what I am hearing it is not like that no. I would really hope they would tell me if he was crying all day. I see photos of him playing and having cuddles and when I go and sneak in he is sat listening to the staff sing etc. So I don't think things are that bad for him. I think he is just very up and down at the moment.

Thank you for all the tips. Yep I do definitely drop and run. Quick kiss have a lovely day baby and I go. He has his muslin which he likes to suck for comfort but he really only has it for sleeping. I might see if he will cuddle it more for them during the day. He doesn't take a dummy at all. Yep lots of cuddles on our days off however I must say when he gets home from nursery and also on his days off, he is absolutely fine. Happy as Larry. Which leads me to think it can't be THAT bad for him. I really hope all this is true anyway haha. I am confident if any nursery can settle him, this one can 🤞🏻

Is there any chance your partner can drop him off? My DD was very clingy with me and always cried the times I dropped her off initially, but was happy to go in when DH took her in. It was so much easier for me to pick her up rather than take her there. (She was and still is a mummy's girl). Good luck, it is really horrible to have to hear them upset when you leave!

@violet850 thank you for your reassurance. I am so glad things worked out in the end. They do like to break our hearts don't they! I wish I could finish work early (I want nothing more than to go and pick him up!) but unfortunately not often an option :(

@OctoberLovers I am sure I will be upset when he doesn't want to come home with me too 😂😃

@BakedBeeeen unfortunately not as my partner leaves early morning to get a train into London so not possible :( I absolutely believe he would be better at drop off with him!!! These mummy's boys. Got to love them x

@BakedBeeeen and girls!! Sorry 🤦🏼‍♀️

What I would ask is, how are the other infants about going in?
If there are a lot of tears and cling ons and not many smiles I would be worried, if the other children look happy enough I would look at whether DS is struggling to go in, or struggling with the environment or struggling with the change.
You can have the most amazing nursery staff, but as a previous poster with experience in a nursery says it isn't for everyone, but a child minder isn't necessarily the panacea that other posters are suggesting, it is about finding the right setting, and the most important thing is trust. You need to trust where you are leaving him so much that it's that which he is picking up on.

I don't think you need to increase the number of days, it's really nice he gets the rest of the week with you. However I wonder if it would be possible to do the three days together in a run rather than having a break between the two? Then he gets into the routine?

It sounds like he has a nice day there despite the difficult drop off and the odd moment. I worked in a nursery for a while and was amazed how often the children would settle once the parents had gone, so I used to phone the parents once they calmed down just to reassure them that the child wasn't spending all day sobbing. Maybe nursery could do that?

I always used a child minder because I liked the home from home feeling and the idea of them building a close relationship with one other person but it does sound like you have a really nice nursery. Still might be worth considering a CM if the upset persists. Sounds like he may well settle soon though.

@didkdt completely agree with what you are saying. All of the other children are happy (obviously there is always going to be a bit of upset sometimes but I've barely noticed any to be honest). I trust the nursery and the staff 100% I absolutely wouldn't leave him anywhere I didn't fee comfortable. I agree yep if the upset doesn't improve or even gets worse I will of course take him out. But I think it would be silly and unfair of me to not give him a chance here as I really do believe it's a great place. I'm just hoping he settles soon. He is going in today after two days off so wish me luck!

@MyOtherProfile I asked for three days in a row originally but they are so full they could only offer me these days. I agree it would probably be so much easier for him as he basically keeps "resetting" each time he comes home. Poor boy. I hope he starts to feel more relaxed soon.

Some babies/toddlers just don’t suit nursery. That was why I suggested alternatives. I didn’t realise nannies were that much more expensive
We never even managed pre school at age 2 due to upset for a good few months I think age 1-2.5 is so tricky with separation issues

My niece was similar, my brother moved her to a childminder instead. ( she was age 1 also) My own children didn’t go to nursery until age 3. My middle child hated it. It was a good nursery and the staff seemed really nice. But like your little one when he saw the building he’d become upset. By 4 he was much more settled but never truly liked it. He struggled a little at beginning of first year of school, but is totally fine now. He’s just a little sensitive, and I think he always will be. If I were you I’d look into a childminder, he’ll probably feel more secure in a home environment. My niece did. 🍀

Hi everyone. As so many lovely people took the time to reply to my message, I thought I would update you all!

Only a few weeks later and my boy has settled so well. He has about two seconds of crying as I hand him over then he barely looks back as I walk out!! He is still eating and sleeping well and is now off exploring and playing with toys rather than clinging onto staff (although he will always love a cuddle!)

So touch wood it looks like he is doing so much better. Thank you again to everyone for commenting :)

@Rosebud1302 I'm glad your LB has finally settled 😊 everything takes time, it's prob harder for us as parents than them! However they know how to pull at our heart strings!x

My eldest used to cry and cry and scream when I dropped her off at nursery.
The only thing that worked was saying ‘see you later. Bye bye’ with a wave then just turning and walking away. It was when I made a fuss over her at the start with cuddles and kisses and trying to comfort her that she thought ‘goodbye’ was a terrible thing because I made too much of a fuss over her

Glad to hear he’s settled well, thanks for updating.

I'm also pleased to see it's working for you.

So pleased rosebud that he’s doing great now. 💕