Breastfeeding and going stir crazy!

[Iliketreenames]

Hi everyone

Let me start by saying that I'm so grateful to be able to breastfeed and that I definitely don't take it for granted, I know lots of people have issues.

My son is coming up for 11 weeks old and I have been breastfeeding him with the odd bottle thrown in (although he has been rejecting this the last few days!)

Sometimes he feeds for hours on end and I'm just sitting at home watching tv. This isn't like em at all and I'm really struggling with not being able to get out more. Don't get me wrong, I pop out a few times a week to see friends when I can.

It's just that my friends who are bottle feeding seem to be leaving the baby with their partners while they go swimming or go to yoga and I feel so far away from being able to do that (especially if ds continues to refuse a bottle,!)

I'm also back t work on December so really want to make the most of this time.

Has anyone felt similar and how did you get through it?

A lot of people find that things settle down at about 12 weeks, so you might be nearly there!

Have you tried taking him with you to yoga? He might sleep in the car seat..... (note use of the word “might!)

You want to make the most of this time by going to yoga and swimming?

Mine did this although I think he started to feed more quickly by then....does he always take ages over his feeds or just at certain times of day? Is it cluster feeding?
Come to think of it, DS went through a really hungry phase when he was around 12 weeks and went back to constantly feeding like a newborn. It was exhausting. It lasted a couple of weeks and I put it down to a wonder week or growth spurt. He was very fussy as well.
I can only comment on my experience but by 4 months he was feeding for around 15 minutes at a time and much more spaced out. Now at nearly 7 months he gets the job done quickly and has much longer gaps and it's pretty convenient. I found the first bit of breastfeeding gruelling but it suddenly got much better x

Well, the great thing about breastfed babies is really their portability. Do you have a sling? With a bit of practice you can feed on the go in a lot of slings and the motion is also immensely sleep inducing for most small babies.

Honestly, I would just make plans to go out at this stage, and unless it's a 2hr+ journey, if baby wants to feed right when you're about to leave just put them in sling/buggy/car seat and go - unless they're very hungry they'll probably quickly fall asleep and you can feed them on arrival.

This is a good time to go to the cinema/museums/exhibitions.

Maternity leave isn’t really about doing things that you want though, it’s about doing what your baby wants. It’s much easier to embrace the stage - once their mobile and a toddler you’ll barely ever get a moment to sit down ever again. Enjoy it while it lasts!

Do you take him out at all?

You want to make the most of this time by going to yoga and swimming?

One, it's obvious the OP just means she wants to be capable of leaving the house, and two, so what if she did just want to take advantage of being off work by enjoying some leisure activities? Was that really necessary? Or are you only a REAL mum if you spend your entire mat leave staring at your baby's face and tagging everything "#blessed"?

If you're sitting around at home then he probably will just want to feed.

You can give him a big feed, both sides, and leave him with his dad or nan for a couple of hours while you get your hair cut or go swimming. He will be fine.

You can also give him a big feed, pop him in the pram/sling and go out. He will probably sleep, and if he does wake up and need a feed then you'll just find a cafe or a bench to sit on and feed him and it will be fine.

No I think you've read into my post wrongly. My friends who are bottle feeding are managing to find more time to get out was my point, it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough.

Thanks for your judgement though! Nothing like a bit of criticism to support a new mum!

Thank you, I've heard that things settle about this time too! Maybe I'll look for a mum and baby yoga class!

It was around 11 weeks so.eone gave the baby whisperer book. I didn't follow it religiously but I went from feeding like you did to getting into a routine a feeding every few hours. I was very sceptical at first but following the books eat, play, sleep schedule for lo’s age just clicked. It allowed me to do more because I could anticipate feeds its also when lo’s naps started to have a pattern too. They have a great forum perhaps have a look and see if you can try and introduce a feeding routine? I was very pro feeding on demand but like I said, I just clicked with the routine and seem to demand feeding in between. Good luck and you're doing amazing!

Thank you @CmdrCressidaDuck for sticking up for me! You're right it wasn't about those activities specifically, just that in comparison to my bottle feeding friends in not getting out as much.

This is my first baby so I'm not sure if I'm staying in too much!

Also I genuinely think that getting to a 1 hour yoga class would be very good for my mental health :-)

I totally agree OP, of course you still need to have some downtime even though you've had a baby! It's an intense experience and a bit of exercise or relaxation is necessary for your mental health. I second what PP said, if you give baby a big feed and then pop out for an hour leaving baby with someone else, they will be fine x

@BertrandRussell yes some days, we generally just pop into town on the bus and grab a coffee with friends or when my partner is around we visit family.

I think maybe it's my preconceptions, I thought I would be more mobile and didn't think I'd be at home so much because of feeding, I guess I'm just finding it really more restrictive that I knew.

I'm really sorry if my original post came across as a moan or as though I was being selfish, I absolutely love hanging out with my baby at home but I'm missing a few of the things I used to do before I had him

Why do you think you have to stay at home and feed? Are you worried about feeding in public or is there something else worrying you? It might seem like you’re not doing much but when your baby is crawling around and dropping their naps you’ll miss the enforced sofa and feeding time 😂 Do you have somewhere nearby that does baby cinema? How about breastfeeding groups? What about taking baby swimming or to yoga?

You can indeed tank baby up and then escape for an hour (although be warned, you might actually not enjoy it as much as you think - the ties are very tight with a newborn breastfed DC and it can feel very weird to be away from them) but I would definitely also sling up and just start getting out there with baby in tow too. And I would get in adult entertainments while they're tiny and sleepy - you have a window that will close when they start to be more mobile and awake!

Also with the best will in the world if you compare yourself to other people you’re always going to struggle. Compared to some of my friends my daughter does hardly anything “structured” on her days off with me - no classes or groups - but we’re happy with what we choose to do. We spend a lot of time seeing family or wandering around town because that’s what I want to do. I’m not a massive fan of baby-related stuff like sensory classes. If I were you I’d work out what you would like to do, not what you think you should be doing and then work out how to achieve it with or without baby.

I think a fairly strict routine is key. I was out and about with my first the day after I came home after a section, breastfeeding in a restaurant. I hated being in so went out most days. This could just mean a long walk - to baby clinic, on to town for a coffee, back up the hill to home. My gym had a crèche so I could work out for a couple hours. My second had reflux and was more difficult - suckling seemed to soothe her. But we still got out and about though trickier with a toddler in tow who was now much more demanding (as opposed to just being taken here and there and being happy to just look around and play with couple toys). But at three months she settled (and discovered her thumb)! She flatly refused the bottle even though I swore I would get her used to it as my husband was hospitalised when my first was six weeks and I felt I could only visit him a couple hours at a time (which I did between feeds, but would have liked longer but he was only a few weeks old).
All my friends breastfed, but all were quite active. I think you need to put your baby on a schedule - even if it just starts by stretching time between feeds by ten minutes, then another ten until there’s a decent gap.
And definitely prioritise your well being - it will make you happier and your baby will pick up on that!

I misunderstood you! I wasn’t being judgemental 🤷🏻‍♀️ believe me, I’m not one of those hashtag-blessed types. I loved feeding my firstborn for hours on end (because I’m lazy) but I did also get out every single day, so I agree don’t stay in all the time.

Others have given good suggestions. I also found the easy routine opened my eyes with number one; I was misreading sleepy cues for hungry ones and I realised that sometimes she didn’t want to be fed so in the pushchair/car seat she went, for a trip out/visiting friends etc etc.

It’s all well and good people advising OP to breastfeed on the go, but if it’s clusterfeeding she’s talking about (which it seems to be from the reference to “hours on end”), that’s not particularly easy.

OP, I promise you this is a phase and will come to an end, probably v soon. When my (now nearly 5 month old) was clusterfeeding, I remember saying to my DH that I felt trapped. I would literally get up, sit on the sofa and watch Netflix all day while I moved my daughter from boob to boob. Her clusterfeeding record was 10 hours (4.30pm to 4.30am) - I was pretty hysterical by the end. But one day I suddenly noticed that the gaps between feeds were getting bigger and bigger and that there was actually time to play with my daughter. We haven’t had a clusterfeed in ages now and I have no problem getting out and about with her whenever.

Trust me, it’s really worth pushing through this bit for the ease and convenience that breastfeeding offers (not judging or shaming anyone who chose not to or couldn’t BF!!) It feels endless at the time but it really is a short phase where baby is feeding constantly to help establish your supply. It will end!

Xx

Ps Ignore anyone who criticising you for wanting to do things on maternity other than feed/stare at your baby. Happy mum, happy baby and all that.

Fwiw, I really DON'T think there's any need for a schedule or a strict routine and got out and about everywhere with two breastfed newborns without ever instituting a routine or restricting feeds. A sling and feeding wherever worked just fine. It's fine if you feel a routine really works for both of you but it's not a necessity.

I went out and about all the time with mine with no schedule- because I didn’t want to be tied to one.

@ClaraLane no I'm fine feeding in public (had to get over that one very quickly!) It's just because there seems to be no time between feeds x

You might find if you’re out and about that will distract baby a bit so feeds reduce.

@ClaraLane you're totally right, comparison is not healthy and social media certainly doesn't help!