Horrible parent.

[Flamingo2019]

So the other day I was in a supermarket, and I heard a baby being fussy/crying, as a mum I instantly turned round to check. The mum was pushing a baby, about 8 months old, she kept saying horrible things to the baby in a very aggressive way, such as ‘you are horrible’, ‘you are being naughty’ ‘ you are being naughty/ go to sleep’ ( this was in a brightly lit, busy store so unless it was a newborn it wouldn’t be sleeping! No blankets and not the crib car seat) Obviously I carried on my shopping, but as I walked through the supermarket could here the baby fussing, towards the end of my shop I was on the baby isle and saw the mum and baby again, still she continued saying what I would consider unnecessary hurtful things to the baby, in both tone and language. how can a baby be naughty!!????!! - so I went up to her and asked she she was okay and if she wanted me to hold the baby for her whilst she shopped, obviously she was livid and tried to hide it and also obviously declined the offer. I’m angry I didn’t have the guts to give her a piece of my mind( which I wanted to do because I felt like crying), but also willing to understand she may have had pnd or some such. I have two of my own young kids, I have lost my temper with my toddler ( by my bad handling and learning to be a mum and him pushing it, but I can never imagine speaking the way this woman was to a defenceless baby, over and over again, who most likely just wanted picking up after being in single layer clothes in a cold supermarket, in the lie back trolley baby seat. I felt traumatised, phoned social services and obviously nothing they can do as I didn’t stalk her and she wasn’t physically abusive. I know most us will have lost our cool and said things we deeply regret to our lovelable sometimes rogues- but this was a baby, in a supermarket, it did feel extreme, but obviously the baby was ‘clothed’ fed and watered so not obvious neglect, more emotional abuse? What should I have done?

@ Flamingo2019 I wanted to offer some support. I don't think you were over reacting by calling ss. a friend of mine once did the same and the family were known to them and they were very grateful for the info. it helps to build up a picture. if more people intervened in similar scenarios maybe we'd have less tragic child abuse cases. it's very British to give people the benefit of the doubt and think it's none of my business but its not slwaus the tight think to do. well done

oh dear many typos 🙈

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And don't have any kids yourself

She was probably brought up like that herself. The kid will probably do the same to her kids in due course.

This is why austerity is awful, it cuts off services that could help/support/intervene.

I will admit I told my DS he was being horrible/naughty when he was a newborn and I was at the end of my rope, hasn’t slept properly in days and he cried all the time. My DS is now 5 months old and I still call him ‘naughty stinky boy’ but as a joke, if someone had said that to me in the early days and made a thread about it I think that would have pushed me into PND (which I suspect I had anyway) please stop judging!

Always amazed how threads where someone observes a parent treating their kids in a concerning way, loads of people jump to their defence! Why are people so determined to be understanding about shitty behaviour? Is it because it's easier to dismiss it than think about, what if this kid is actual having a miserable time? I don't understand it

@SolsticeBabyMaybe it’s because some of us have been, shock horror, less than perfect parents at times ourselves and that doesn’t make us abusive nasty people.

Also how does being judgy and phoning social services actually help? A their having a crap day and it's a one off, you push them further into the hole and kids loses out or b) they are a crap parents and don't care and it makes them cross you called them out on it.

A sympathetic of dear we've all been their and it sucks might ahve been better received.
I was walking ds at 6 a sodding am as he still wasn't asleep and nearly in tears a nice dog walking lady said how cute he was and commented I was up early. I said he had been up since 4 with him and it was a last ditch effort. She was really nice and chatted about how hard it was. Made me feel les alike a shitty mom and made my day slightly better.

Agree, you need to get a grip. You don't know how much the woman said to her kid. You say it was 20 mins, but how do you know, unless you were behind her all the time!
She didn't say anything horrendous. Just go to sleep, you are naughty.

You seem to be berating her for not having a blanket on an 08 month old (a guess) and putting her in the hard trolley seat which are made for babies! A baby of 8 months old is fine in their own clothes on a supermarket in a bloody baby seat.
Seriously! You rang SOCIAL Services. What a dick!

@SolsticeBabyMaybe it's also because the op says she said it in an aggressive tone, but we only have the ops account and judging by the other things op says she seems to be over dramatising it. 'the cold hard trolley seat' 'no blanket and single layer clothing'
I've walked around the supermarket messing around and saying ' you naughty little boy' to my 8 month old. No one knows the tone unless they were there.

You are way over the top with this I agree you shouldn't speak to a baby or child like that but to ask her to hold her baby was just weird and then phone social services you sound hysterical .

I’ve said some pretty mean shit to my 6 month old

I had awful PND.

She probably is in a really bad place and I don’t excuse her being horrible to her baby but I have been there. I should add that me and my baby are fine now!

What exactly did she say OP? Saying things like naughty baby etc doesn’t sound that dreadful to me? (Not great I know but not enough to have her kid taken away)

You do also come across as a bit “holier than thou” OP. Like you are a fantastic parent

That poor baby :(

I haven't slept more than 3 hours a night for months but I would never take it out on my baby. That's no excuse (saw some Pp say maybe she's tired had a bad day).

@rubyroot

This is true, of course we don't know. It just worries me that people seem quick to excuse it

Thanks goodness for people like you OP. If more people out there reported things rather turning a blind eye a lot more children would be getting the protection they deserve.

@FifteenYemenRoadYemen you're the one who sounds vile. Absolutely disgraceful to call OP names for showing concern. Let's hope you don't witnesss anything similar definitely know you'd be the last to step in? Wow what is happening to peoples decency these days

Wow !! Some abusive responses. From the info you’ve given it does sound a bit dramatic but sometimes it’s a case of her mother treated her like that she treats her daughter like that & so on. SS can’t take every child away or investigate for people just being common😂 but if you had genuine concerns then you are justified as others have said, what if they child was being physically abused behind closed doors?

I stoped a woman hitting her son outside the school. She was punching him and I got in between her and her son. I reported her to the school and social services had a chat. I saw her for 6 years every day. I don't regret it. I hope I was a remainder everyday to not hit her child. I also told a woman not to shout at her little girl at the supermarket. I can't help it.

@Thornhill58 - that’s really different to the OP!

Thankfully you were there in those situations