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Original poster

Bed-sharing but baby wants 8pm bedtime

38 replies

raphaelbellairs · 14/08/2019 19:24

hello!

i’m wondering if anyone can help me out?

after having my first baby in may, i quickly learned that bed-sharing was the only way i would get any sleep. it’s wonderful sleeping next to my baby and her twice-nightly feedings are easily done in the side-lying position, but she is now 12 weeks and it has recently become apparent that she’d like to go to bed at 8pm (with wake time at 8am).

at the moment i’m going to bed with her and dh and i are watching netflix in bed with headphones on... we know this can’t continue but i’m just not sure how to go about implementing change. i have a bedside cot which i’d love to be able to put her down in, but we’ve tried putting her in a sleepyhead in it (both fast asleep and drowsy) with no success.

fyi - during the morning and early afternoon she naps really well in my sling and then later in the day it tends to be catnaps in my arms. we’ve just managed to get her to take a dummy which has enabled my husband to get her to sleep in his arms, too.

we’re quite happy with her day sleeping but just can’t be going to bed at 8pm every night!

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Mrsjayy · 14/08/2019 19:28

I think you need to try and put her down maybe try for a few minutes on the sofa beside you then pick her up do you have a bouncy chair ? You could try that and work up to bedtime.

Mrsjayy · 14/08/2019 19:30

Could you put the sleepyhead on your lap and lie her in it that way but you are still near her.

StubbleTurnips · 14/08/2019 19:31

We used to put dd down in our bed, and then go downstairs. We had a bed rail. DS we had a babybay maxi for this purpose.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/08/2019 19:31

When you both go to bed at 8, does she sleep on you? If not, can you lay as close as possible to the cot then when she falls asleep, get up and go into the living room?

LuckyKitty13 · 14/08/2019 19:32

Our baby is nearly 5 months. She goes to sleep in the sling about 7pm (she is there now!), then when I go to bed I take her with me and we bed share.

bobstersmum · 14/08/2019 19:36

Can't you sneak away once she's asleep? I used to put pillows underneath the fitted sheets at the sides of the bed so that mine couldn't roll out. Depends on your bed really, probably not worth the risk if your bed is very high.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 14/08/2019 23:19

I coslept with both of mine and TBH I'd go with it for a few more weeks. I felt much happier leaving mine asleep in bed from about 20 weeks so if you're happy with the cosleeping and don't want to change that aspect of your sleeping arrangements, I'd stick to Netflix for now until she's closer to 6mo. Or try her on your knee in the living room.

Original poster

raphaelbellairs · 15/08/2019 09:28

@StubbleTurnips @bobstersmum thanks for your suggestion, but the problem with sneaking away is that when she wakes up after her first sleep cycle she’ll cry out for me when she realises i’m not there anymore. which leads me to think that some form of sleep training might be necessary...

OP posts:

Original poster

raphaelbellairs · 15/08/2019 09:34

@LuckyKitty13 that sounds lovely but i’m keen to do a bath, boob, bed routine and would be worried about her confusing her night sleep with her daytime naps.

OP posts:

AppleKatie · 15/08/2019 09:38

The guidance is to sleep in the same room as a parent until 6 months. I would either suck up the Netflix and headphones for a little longer or persevere with getting her to sleep in the living room of an evening. Laying next to you somehow? Get her used to you being ‘there’ but not physically touching as she rouses, it’ll take awhile but that doesn’t mean it’s not working/worth it.

bobstersmum · 15/08/2019 09:43

Please please don't try to sleep train such a young baby.

Original poster

raphaelbellairs · 15/08/2019 09:44

@AppleKatie i had thought of getting her to sleep in the living room somehow, but my partner and i still wouldn’t be able to have a conversation without whispering!

OP posts:

bakingcupcakes · 15/08/2019 09:45

I gave up with the cot in favour of co-sleeping by 6 weeks and used to get DS asleep on my double bed then sneak back into the living room to the tv. However, we were in a 1 bed flat so I was only ever sneaking about 10ft away and with the tv on low could hear him easily without monitors or anything.

Original poster

raphaelbellairs · 15/08/2019 09:46

@bobstersmum what age do you think it’s appropriate from? if at all?

OP posts:

bakingcupcakes · 15/08/2019 09:46

Why are you whispering? I just carried on with normal household noise when DS slept. He sleeps through virtually anything now including the fire alarm but not sure that's such a good thing!

TwinsWhatAreTheOdds · 15/08/2019 09:48

You can’t sleep train a 12 week old.
We just took it in turns to go to bed with the baby. Helps with the sleep deprivation too. It’s only for a couple of months.

TwinsWhatAreTheOdds · 15/08/2019 09:48

Sleep training is for 6 months and up.

Original poster

raphaelbellairs · 15/08/2019 09:50

@bakingcupcakes her evening naps have historically been highly noise sensitive... although since her ‘bedtime’ has materialised maybe her nighttime sleep is different. maybe we can try our normal volume and see what happens!

OP posts:

Skyejuly · 15/08/2019 09:51

My 2.5 has co slept since birth. We do no whisper at night. We hve tv on or music and it doesn't wake her. We leave her on sofa say 8pm till 10pm then hubby carries her to our bed. Do not tiptoe x

bakingcupcakes · 15/08/2019 09:56

I see. My parents always whispered/had everything turned off for DS when we stayed at their house. In fact my mother suggested we learn sign language at one point but I never bothered! I was quiet when he was first born but I gradually got louder as the weeks went on and he just stayed asleep. The getting him to sleep was the problem - for a long time it took over an hour and I'd frequently fall asleep with him. Once he was properly sleeping any noise was fine.

teaandbiscuitsforme · 15/08/2019 11:51

Sleep training is never necessary with a 3 month old. They're supposed to be with you until 6 months so you need to adjust your expectations then decide if you're going to try to get her to sleep in the living room with you for a couple of months or you keep up your current routine for few more months until she's able to be left on your bed.

AppleKatie · 15/08/2019 11:59

Goodness yes stop whispering now! You really really want to teach her to sleep through noise!

bobstersmum · 15/08/2019 12:19

I don't personally agree with sleep training full stop. The baby /child doesn't learn to sleep, they just learn to accept that when they cry no one comes. That's my opinion.

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2019 12:22

No one is sleep training a 12 week old baby. Get them to sleep, either upstairs or with you downstairs. Then go back downstairs / carry on with your night. Resettle if they wake up.

Mrsjayy · 15/08/2019 12:26

The op isn't sleep training her baby she is asking for a bit of advice on how to put her baby down to sleep.

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