Bed-sharing but baby wants 8pm bedtime

[raphaelbellairs]

hello!

i’m wondering if anyone can help me out?

after having my first baby in may, i quickly learned that bed-sharing was the only way i would get any sleep. it’s wonderful sleeping next to my baby and her twice-nightly feedings are easily done in the side-lying position, but she is now 12 weeks and it has recently become apparent that she’d like to go to bed at 8pm (with wake time at 8am).

at the moment i’m going to bed with her and dh and i are watching netflix in bed with headphones on... we know this can’t continue but i’m just not sure how to go about implementing change. i have a bedside cot which i’d love to be able to put her down in, but we’ve tried putting her in a sleepyhead in it (both fast asleep and drowsy) with no success.

fyi - during the morning and early afternoon she naps really well in my sling and then later in the day it tends to be catnaps in my arms. we’ve just managed to get her to take a dummy which has enabled my husband to get her to sleep in his arms, too.

we’re quite happy with her day sleeping but just can’t be going to bed at 8pm every night!

Have you tried working on her falling asleep not on you? We did it with DS at around 5 months but could have started earlier.
We just used to lay him down and then settle him with patting, shushing etc until he learned to fall asleep not on us, then gradually retreated to just shushing, until nothing was needed. It took ages the first night but improved quickly and he learned to love his bed.
We repeated the process at each wake too (once checking wasn’t awake for a reason-such as hunger, wet etc) & then he began to settle himself without needing us to resettle.
While it’s teaching them to fall asleep solo-it isn’t leaving them to scream without you or whatever, so I don’t feel it was cruel. Yes a few long nights but we all benefitted after about 3-4 days!!

The op asked what age was appropriate to sleep train, if at all.

@Sweetooth92 thankyou for the suggestion - we haven’t yet tried getting her to sleep when she’s not in our arms, but maybe if we could get that to work then she might have an easier time re-settling herself... thankyou!

It was the only thing that worked for us and finally got us on the straight. Him knowing how to fall asleep not in arms/feeding seemed to extend his periods asleep/assist in linking sleep cycles and being able to have a bit of evening to ourselves. We would put him down drowsy but awake, and pick him to resettle when needed if upset, but it really did help. Good luck ❤️

fear not mumsnet! i have no intention of leaving my tiny baby to cry for any length of time.

there is an overwhelming amount of information on ‘sleep training’ out there, not all of which is harsh and some of which claims to be suitable from three months. i guess i was just seeking opinions... which i got!

I really, really wouldn't worry about upsetting a 'routine' at 12 weeks. It's great she goes down well, but if you want to stay up then have her in the living room with you in sling or on you until you want to go to bed. You have the 4 months sleep regression to come, and I promise that doing this now won't disrupt a future bedtime routine!

I used to bed share with my dd. She was one of those babies who needed a lot of.l comfort to go to sleep. We just had her in a bouncer downstairs until we took her to bed with us. Now have a 4 month old ds and do the same apart from he sleeps in a co sleeping cot. He's A LOT easier than my dd 😂. Fisher price cozy cocoon bouncers are worth their weight in gold trust me!

You could try a gentle (No crying) sleep training method such as the Michi method. Google search Rebecca Michi, I used her method for my son who now sleeps amazingly well. Absolutely no crying or leaving baby when they are in need.

@Staysexyanddontgetmurdered thankyou -just looked into the michi method and it sounds good. ill try that in a few months time when she’ll be developmentally ready.

for now i’ve decided to carry on with the early bedtimes knowing that they won’t last forever. and enjoying the tiny cuddles while i can.

Just here to say I completely agree with @Sweetooth92 & I did that as “sleep” training along with a daytime routine. So I am in the minority that disagree it’s not possible. But I’ve never coslept. But to self settle is a very good idea & can be helped I personally think, & the first step is not to sleep with you constantly

I used to get mine to lie down awake with half an eye open as much as possible not touching them so they would fall asleep by themselves.

Can you not lay with her until she goes to sleep and then go downstairs and get on with your evening? I had a baby monitor and if either of mine woke up and cried I knew straightaway and could be with them in under a minute if necessary.
Congrats on the sleeping btw!

You're so lucky and blessed your LO sleeps all through the night.

My now 16 month old was terrible. I don't think I slept until he was around 9-10 months....around this time I had shingles as my body became so weak! I presume it was because he was b'fed, didn't take dummies and b'f became his way of sleeping/falling back to sleep.)
We still co-sleep. Because he now sleeps (thank goodness!) we don't really care and we're in no rush for him to sleep in a cot or in his own room.

Would love to know how you you managed to get them sleep through the night!