Do you speak exclusively in your own language?

[Sibongile]

We have a daughter of 11 months, my husband speaks English and I speak Afrikaans. He understands very little of it. All the books say that one parent should stick to one language, but I find that difficult because my husband then doesn't understand anything I say to our daughter. What are other people's experiences? Do children get confused when you mix languages? She already says about 6 words, but they are all words that are the same in both languages, like 'hello'.

Be sure of that, I learned Catalan hereing DH speak to the dogs

hereing? hearing it seems I can talk but not sure about spelling

I know my DS is way too young with 19wks but when I am alone with him then I talk only german to him. DP doesn't speak german though when we are all together I speak english and try to say the same in german right afterwards. Maybe DP profits from it too

I also have asked all my family to send me CD's and books in german (when asked what I wanted for him) and when he is a bit bigger I'll ask them to send videos/dvd's. I also found german childrensongs on the internet!

Well, I will find out soon if it worked

I speak to dd (7 1/2 mths)in Welsh, dh speaks English and a bit of Wenglish- (pigion welsh)My mum speaks Welsh to her. I'll read English and sing to her in English and I speak English or Wenglish when dh is around. Kids are like sponges and it won't be a problem for her- it was never a problem for me- I can't remember learning either language- they just came naturally in a bilingual society

Hello,

Does anybody know a multilingual baby and toddler group? I find it frustrating that all groups are solely English, when my baby and I speak German...

I speak English to ds, dh speaks dutch to him and he hears Russian on the street. He is now 21 months and suddenly in the last 2 weeks or so he has realised that these are seperate languages and now uses some words only for dh and some only for me. It has been fascinating to watch him work this out. (he still doesn't have very many words, and none that I know of in Russian, but then presumably he wouldn't use them to me anyway!) I understand dutch, but dh and I speak English together. It was very hard in the beginning for dh to get used to speaking only dutch to ds, and he often still uses words and phrases in English when all 3 of us are together, but he now finds it easier, and even used dutch the whole time my parents were here this summer.

I do find that out on the street I tend to use Russian to ds when other kids are around, not because we are bothered about speaking English, but so that they understand too (like "are you going to go and play on the roundabout with Lena?" ds seems to be totally unphased by me doing this, and I know that he understand quite a lot of Russian. When we stay at dh's father's house I tend to use dutch when my fil is around, because he just doesn't "get" the whole bilingual thing, and thinks that ds doesn't understand dutch because i speak English to him, I hope that will change once ds can talk more.

Books, we are really lucky that we can get dutch and english books easily, so we have shelves full of both, dh sometimes translates some into dutch, but ds's favourite book at the moment is "Ten in the Bed" which is in rhyme, so dh reads it in English. I tend to translate dutch books, because my pronounciation is lousy.

I read loads of good books and articles about bilingualism when we first got married, and I'm desperately trying to remember the name of the best one and failing, I'll ask dh when he gets home. I do remember though that they said it is very hard to keep it up long term if one of you doesn't speak the other language, because you spend the whole time translating, as a result I went and learnt dutch. If it is at all possible for your dh to learn a bit of afrikaans, I would really encourage him (I think I learnt some things about my dh that I didn't really understand before as well, because some parts of culture are really tied into language)

The other usful comment we got from the books which we try to follow, is that you should use whole phrases or sentences in one language, so when dh is speaking both English and dutch, he tries to say one sentence in one language before switching to the other, that way the child doesn't hear the languages mixed up together.

HI Steppemum! This is nothing to do with the subject, just Glad to know you're still around.

Both me and my husband speak different lauguage's, we have a son who is a year old. We both speak our lauguage's to him weather he understand's or not, im sure he will learn both if we both carry on speaking our own lauguage. Im sure he does understand sometimes what where saying to him. Like NomDePlume said their brain's are like sponge at a young age.

steppemum- where in russia do you live? i'm swedish my self living in england with a english partner. my dd talks 50%swedish but my ds talks only 5%.

Just mentioning this because I am a bit amazed. Twice a year my sister comes over to the UK (just for 1 or 2 weeks)and exclusively talks to ds (nearly) 4 y in her own language. Not only does ds understand her quite well, but he even used some words he had not heard for 6 months.

Just adding to the thread. Babies are sponges and will pick up much more than us so we shouldn't be afraid of over loading their minds - I don't think that would ever happen. And about one parent not speaking the other's language, it is a good opportunity for him/her to learn the language along with the child. My dh is already babbling in French

It is very, very important for a young child to be exposed to a second (or third) language if teh parents wish teh child to speak/understand that language.
We need to use about 100 muscles in oredr to speak and these are formed specific to the lanuage that the infant is using as differents sets are used to make different sounds. This aspect of development evolves primarily in the first 3 years of life.
Even if the second language the child picks up is of no use to him/her in later life (i.e. only used in one country, the child has no contact with that country , doesn't need to or has none to speak the language to) he/she will find it considerably easier to learn anothe language later in his childhood or adult life if the two languages are similar in prononciation (i.e spanish & portughese), mostly due to the fact that the necessary muscles have formed based on the child using specific sounds.
Anyway, the short of it is: speak to your child in any languages much as you can he/she will definetly store words in memory and evetually if encouraged to speak they will do so with ease, and the first 3 years are the most important (that is not to say a 5 year old won't aquire a new language with ease)

I'm afraid its the only one I know - (plus the occasional drivel ). I do wish this country would get with it and start teaching our kids from 5 - they'd pick it up so much easier.

I had a colleague once who was German (you'd never guess) and I said 'oh great, bilingual kids' she said No she hasn't bothered talking german to them! wot a wasted opportunity - for them especially!

Branster, that's really interesting. My DD spoke Romanian until she was 3, as her first language essentially. She has forgotten most of it now, but is learning French and seems to have a very good ear for it and picks it up quickly. Might be hereditary though, I am a linguist.

Tanzie I am convinced it's down to verbal skills she picked up as a very young child. And I can bet you if she was to try Romanian again (i.e go to that country or live with a native family for a short while) it would all either come back to her (the human mind probably has this ability) or she would learn it as a new language but would 'know' how to pronounce words.
As French is probably similar with Romanian (perhaps some sounds, particulalrly consonants, are stronger) maybe that's why she can pick it up so easily. Interesting to look at how much French influence there is in the Romanian language too (like there are lots of imported French words in Britain).

If you know of other languages that are similar to Romanian, you could try introducing them to her as an exercise and see if indeed she shows an aptitude for learning them particularly easily. You could also try languages which are totally different like Japanese (I can safely assume this has nothing to do with Romanian) and see how that goes. I'm only talking about a few basic words not a whole new language.

I imagine there must be at least 3 different important aspects here:

1)what I've said before about 'training' specific muscles used for speach and developing the ones specific for the chosen language at a very early stage in life. From what I gather, it's not a process that can be picked-up later in life, probably the process stagnates after a certain age.

2)The human brain is a fantastic machine. It may well stock up information , lots of it, from very early on, which somehow can be released at a later date if triggered by the right factors (whatever those might be, none knows)

3)The neurons (brain cells) are only formed up to a certain age (don't know which one exactly but fairly young). Neuron connections are formed when we learn something new and by exercising that knowledge we maintain these connections in a functioning state. Most of the cells in our body renew themselves because this is how our body works. neurons are the only cells never to renew themselves. However, it is vital that they have rest periods which can only be provided by resting (that's why it is vital we sleep, presumably meditation at its highest level works the same way). So to my mind, if there were some neuron connections formed as a result of aquiring a new language, hopefully they still exist later in life (unless damaged by some brain malfunction) and hopefully they have survided despite not being directly 'exercised' through the use of that language because the child stopped using it or maybe these connections can be used for different tasks in paralel.

No idea if any of this makes any sense to you or if indeed is acurate. All based on what I've read/learned/heard over the years and expressed in a very simplistic way.

Anyway, to sum it all up, there must be some relation between learning a new language early on even if stopped using it and learning other languages later on in life.

Also, maybe having a musical ear has something to do with it in terms of accuratelly replicating sounds that make up words in a foreign language.

All very interesting stuff, shame we don't know how it all works!

Branster, this is v interesting and useful. You're right, Romanian is quite similar to French. Italian is closer still and is mutually comprehensible with Romanian (for Romanians - Italians struggle with the bizarre grammar and word endings apparently). Perhaps I could try that, or we could learn together? I did plan to carry on speaking Romanian to her, but as it is not my mother tongue, that sort of fell by the wayside. Our current au pair is Romanian, and tho she doesn't speak Romanian to the girls, she has tried Tabitha out to see what she can remember - and she does remember how to count and the words for cat, dog, thank you etc.

That's very encouraging Tanzie. It would be interesting to see if she remembers any nursery rhymes (if she knew any, no matter how short) as they are supposed to be easy to remember for some reason, maybe because there is some recognisable pattern to the way they sound, I don't know.

When I had DD I found myself remembering all these rymes from when I was a little girl. I didn't hear or sing them for well over 25 years, yet they all came back to me. admittedly they were in my own language but still, it might work.

I had thought about nursery rhymes but am struggling to remember them. The only Romanian I speak to them is either to tell them off if we are in a public place (!) or get them to hurry up - "Hai, sa mergem acasa!"

What language did you speak as your first language, Branster?

Wow what a thread - haven't caught all of it (nearly bed time!), but we are Anglo(me)-Danish(dh) here.

Just moved to Dk from UK in Feb so dd1(5) & ds(3)were purely english speaking; then they started danish school and playgroup. Took dd1 3 mths to become reasonably fluent - now switches with consummate ease, and knows who speaks danish and who english. ds is a bit more confused, but getting lots of phrases.

Re 3 langs
s-i-l is danish, living in uk with japanese husband. They speak english together but native langs to children. Children (5 & 3) cope brilliantly. So sweet to hear them switch around!
will read rest of thread tomorrow - fascinating!

Tickle, weren't they in Living Etc a few months ago?
(Seems to ring a bell-remember thinking that it was really interesting at the time.)

We try, but sometimes DS just says something in English and it's just like changing the switch and I end up speaking English to him. However, he seems to understand everything in the three languages, and regarding mixing them.... well, yes he does. He counts un,di, tres, four and Moon is Moona (moon+luna)

It wasn't them moondog - so there must be some others out there! They live outside Glasgow, but are moving over here next year.

Chandra, my ds also gets the languages mixed up, but dd seems to hear it once and remember it flawlessly. Wish I could say the same for me!

Did anyone see this about bilingualism today?

thanks for the last link, I have emailed it to dh (away this week)and few other familymembers who couldn't be bothered to speak in their own language to ds dspite my begging and anger...

My father only spoke Welsh to me and my sisters despite the fact that we lived in Zambia and PNG (looooooong before the days of videos and the internet!.)We spoke English with my mother.
I have never spoken a word of English to my father (it would be so weird!)

Our children are all now growing up bilingually (Welsh/English French/English Korean/English).

It is a huge huge shame when a child loses a language that should/could be second nature to him. Effectively a door to another culture is closed in their faces. However, I think that a lot of immigrants have not spoken their language to their children because they have a strong desire to 'fit in' to the new culture.

Incidentally, Papua New Guinea is the most linguistically diverse country in the world, so they were never that impressed there to here us speak Welsh and English. Their attitude is 'So what?! I speak three/four/five!'

This thread is so interesting!

moondog - I absolutely agree with you about closing the door on another culture. A big part of which is local literature, most of it not translated into the other language the child speaks. I think one of the best things in the world is being able to read a book in the language it was written. Even with the best translation it still does not 'feel' the same. Or even if one doesn't know the language all that well, it's still a personal achievement to read and understand a story in another language. And it's something none can ever take away from you and you cannot share with anyone, it's magical.

Tanzie - have you tried looking up on the internet Romanian children's sites or parenting sites? There must be at least one publishing nursery rhymes, maybe with an audio file for the music too. It would be lovely for you to remember it all. Or Romanian sites with children's stories or games your kids can play on the computer (some sort of basic Cbeebies maybe?) , or do they sell computer games over the internet you could purchase for your children? Although, I'm not sure how secure internet purchases would be from there. Well worth a look, you might be surprised at what you find.

I can't say where exactly I'm from because of one of my other threads (I'm sorry, I'm not being difficult or weird, sorry, sorry) but I come from an European country. And there is an awful lot of stuff on the internet from there (I can watch TV, read nearly all the publications on-line, there's also a parenting site like Mumsnet but a lot more sedate than here) and last time I went home got a CD with kiddies games for DD that came with a kids magazine and she has no choice but play in that language so it's fun too. She is by no means fluent in my language but she understands a lot of words, sometimes she plays on her own and I hear her speaking to herself in my language etc, but she speaks mostly English. her bedtime stories are always in my language but TBH I have no idea if she understands anything as the language is often old fashioned in these stories. But I also speak to her in French and her pronounciation is so good I'm amazed (better than in my language for some strange reason) and Spanish (spurred on by the fact she adores Dora the Explorer and she's actually keen on speaking like Dora). I haven't tried German yet but I might give it a go at a later stage. all in all I'm absolutely certain she's not confused and it can only benefit her.
I'm really interested in learning Russian (have been for a long time but never got around to it) purely because I like Russian literarture (classic & contemporary) and would love to be able to read at least one book in Russian by the time I retire. One of those life long ambitions I suppose. So when I'll get started on it will try it on DD and see how it goes.

The beauty of it all is that in the times we live , there is no barrier to learning anything new. You can get hold of any material you want (especially in a country like UK), story books, videos etc, in pretty much any language you want so there is no excuse for not learning a new language or a new skill. It's all a question of "How bad do you want it?!" (learnt this saying from an American friend and I think it's so valid)