School mum friends

[PumpkinP]

I have 3 children at school 8,7 and 5. Since starting the school (my older 2 started half way through as we moved areas about 2 years ago) I haven’t made a single friend, at first I wasn’t bothered by this as I just assumed as they started half way friendships had already been established so I was abit of an “outsider.” but my youngest has just finished reception and it’s the same thing. Ive tried to be friendly to other mums and smile but it hasn’t gone anywhere and due to being shy and socially awkward I’m not the type of person who would just approach people. Like I said it didn’t bother me at first but now it’s the summer holidays and my children have no friends and no one to play with. We live on a busy main road so no children play out.

they’ve never been invited on play dates or even birthday parties, I guess they are not being invited as I’m not friends with the mums so they are probably only inviting children whose mums they’re friends with. I’m just worried for my children not really having friendships outside of school. I have a couple of friends but they are either childless or have teenagers so Don’t meet up with them much.

Is anyone else in this situation? I feel it’s too late now with the school mums as it’s been a long time and in all honesty I stopped bothering even trying to make friends so I think randomly approaching people now would be strange. Any other ways I can help my children develope friendships? I was bullied badly in school and left early so don’t have much friends myself and Don’t want the same for them.

Maybe join the pta or beavers/rainbows and Volunteer to help out

Ask you're home with the two year old. Are you going to play groups, sessions at the library and just the stuff the other Mums with 2 year olds will be doing on your area?

No I don’t go to play groups, with social awkwardness I really couldn’t think of anything worse!

A lot of friendships are made at play groups

DD had loads of friends to start nursery with. Most in her class.

You need to make the effort

No I don’t go to play groups, with social awkwardness I really couldn’t think of anything worse this is exactly why most of the other Mums will know one another when your 2 yo starts school and you won't know anyone.

They are some good suggestions from
Other posters OP, but my bit of advice is don't put all your hopes of having friendships through your children. You may make friends from the school but it doesn't mean it will all run smoothly, and if you do fall out with other parents, the school run can be a nightmare and it becomes very awkward, and may impact on your children friendships.

As other posters suggested try to make friends via other avenues like hobbies, work etc.

Also try online. I made two friends via online through another mum forum website, was friends with them for a few years but now no longer in contact with the two friends for various reasons. You could try friendships Apps, search google for these apps ?

I'm shy and lack social skills too so I understand, and Iv never had many friends, and still don't. Was bullied which didn't help matters.

Good luck with the friend search, I hope you find some good friends x 😉

this is exactly why most of the other Mums will know one another when your 2 yo starts school and you won't know anyone.

Probably. But walking into a group of people that already know each other and trying to make friends is my idea of hell, I think unless you struggle socially you probably won’t understand how daunting these kid of things can be. I never did baby groups as I knew I wouldn’t approach people to chat so wouldn’t make any friends, I hate going to these things alone.

I live abit out from the kids school anyway so don’t think that helps. The local play groups will probably have people who go to the local schools so I would have to find one down by their school.

Try not to look at it as making friends, just spending time with people who are essentially colleagues. You’re all doing the same job, bring up your children and some you’ll get on with more. Friendships might develop and they might not, it really doesn’t matter.

I hated walking into playgroups, just for the reason you’ve saiid but it does get easier. The playgroup I finally settled on had mentors, so if you were new they’d partner you up with someone who’d show you around and chat to you for a bit. You could try phoning first if you can find a number or messaging and letting them know you’re nervous before you go. Most groups will be far more accommodating than you think as lots of Mums feel exactly like you do.

One of mine has a birthday in the summer holidays so we had their party before school broke up to ensure the children would attend, which worked really well. Like a pp said, we invited friends but also any other child whose party we attended. It’s reciprocal.

I think it can be unfair to call mum groups cliquey, well some of them at least. I’m sure some are cliquey. I have a group of mum friends and it’s taken me two years to get that far. I’m shy and hate forced social conversation but a group of us started chatting in the playground and now it’s turned into play dates as well as nights out.

I hated play groups but school seems to have worked out.

my little boy started school nursery part way through and although I found it so hard I just tried to speak to every one and I must say luckily for me everyone seemed friendly. There is definetly one group who know each other and socialise with each other and their children go to each other's parties ECT and i don't think anyone will break into that to be honest ( although one of those mums invite me to coffee but then I've never heard from her again ) I've just kept trying even though it's a bit hit and miss I met a mum straight away I really liked we chatted loads and went to coffee had few play dates but that's all stopped now and although we sometimes still have brief chats she doesn't seem keen to have anything more which is a shame as I like her but thats just how it goes sometimes. Another mum I met we have met twice in the holidays but she has a few children , her family live away and she's recently started working part time so she's not super available but we all seem to have a good time and she asks me to do things too and lastly I just got chatting to a mum and asked if she wanted to do something it's usually me who asks first but we meet usually a couple of times on the holidays and have been for coffee ECT. To be honest on most of these situations I've asked first ( which I hate ) and I wouldn't say it's been easy or we are best friends but it's worth it and I like the mums and hopefully will continue to make more friends / meet ups ECT but what i wanted to say was I think you will have to try but don't be disheartened when talking in yard about holidays lots are going away , have family visiting , going to holidays clubs ECT so may be difficult to meet up. Are there any other children that live in the street or locally we have just met a little boy locally so make an effort to ask him to play ECT it was awkward at first sitting with parents don't know but again it's worth it.