Activities to do to make me like my baby

[istill]

I am suffering from PND and not in a great place. I stopped taking the antidepressants but I wouldn’t have said they were making me like DD, just made me in a better place and not wanting to walking out into oncoming traffic.

DD is 5 months.

We’ve tried baby massage, it was a course with the NCT and it was nice meeting other people but whenever I to do it, she is really uncooperative.

Skin to skin doesn’t work and I get her at a bad time.

I’ve tried reading and playing but everything just goes in her mouth.

Any other suggestions?

What did you like doing before you had your baby? If you liked exercise, a mum and baby exercise class (yoga, Pilates, interval training). Parent and baby swimming is nice. My DD was hard work (to.say the fucking least) but was captivated by the activities at Baby Sensory. Or go out to nice gardens, museums, shopping centres with your baby in the buggy or sling. Baby screenings at a cinema. Bach To Baby or similar do baby friendly classical music recitals.

Why did you stop taking the antidepressants, op? It sounds like they were helping a bit.

I wonder if you might “like” your baby a bit more if you focussed on doing things on your own that YOU like, rather than putting pressure on doing things with her. That way you might feel a bit more like yourself and better able to relate to her rather than resent her. Do you get much time to yourself?

I would just do things you want to do & forget about baby stuff like massage and swimming classes.
So you go shopping, for a walk, a swim that isn't just for babies, meet a friend for lunch, do some gardening, visit museum, get on with stuff round the house & garden and so on. Baby groups are more for the parents anyway.
My DS was never much into baby stuff so we just used to go out and about. I never really 'played' with either of mine tbh aside from reading to them. Not everyone is 'into' babies and I prefer mine now they are a bit older.
Can you afford a day a week with childminder/nursery to get a break?

You have stopped taking the antidepressants or started? If they are stopping you wanting to walk into traffic then surely that is a good thing.

I found using a sling for walks helpful.

Oh my baby was such hars work. He was a nightmare for the first 6 months. Durong his worst times he cried and fussed all day long, always miserable, and eveey day was just a battle to get through.

For me, my son got easier and better with every month that passed. I admit I didn't like him as a very young baby. I adore him now at almost 10 months.

I went on lots of walks with him. I found him more cooperative in an outwards facing baby carrier when he was old enough so we went out like that a lot. I found taking cute photos of him and looking at them in the evening when he'd gone to bes helped. I did things I wanted to do - lots fitness classes where you could being your baby along, like boot camp and aerobics, and popped him in his car seat or on the blanket with a dummy and some toys and just hoped for the best. It just took time. The easier he got the better I felt and the more I liked him but that was a gradual process.

Tbf I didn’t have that many hobbies before DD as I was studying in addition to working.

I’m also broke and DH has our only car so I’m a bit limited to what activities I can do. I did do a tester of swimming lessons and really enjoyed it so definitely will do that again when they are up and running.

She hates being in her stroller too long.

@riotlady - I stopped taking them as I’m pregnant. I am trying to get to 12 weeks and see how I go. I will probably need to take them again.

DH is working away so I get no time to myself. I do all the night feeds although he has started to do the occasional Friday which helps loads but then I feel like I owe him afterwards so it’s just easier for me to do it. Again I get the occasional time to have a bath when he’s here but again I feel like I owe him something for doing it.

I should add that I’m going back to work in October so not long.

I agree with a sling. Try a sling library - google it to find one local to you. Baby will be calmer as near to you (mine hates the pushchair too!) And it's good for bonding. Wishing you all the best

Blimey OP, you've got alot on your plate, I can't imagine how hard it must be to be pregnant with a small baby. You sound like you are pretty isolated too? I didn't like my first very much, the birth was horrendous and it took ages to recover from, plus her issues with feeding. One day I caught a wiff of her and just fell in love. My advice is try a few sniffs!

Oh, and you don't owe your dp anything, he needs to step up and look after his partner who is going through probably the most exhausting time of her life. If he's trying to guilt you, he's not being fair.

istill that sounds hard. Are you able to give DH a bottle and have a few hours off on a weekend? Maybe tag team so you have either morning or afternoon off on say the Saturday?
Are you able to drive?

Sorry your having a tough time of things. But with my son at 5 months he didn’t do much either like you said everything goes in to their mouth. I agree with everyone else, to find something that you enjoy doing.

Do you have friends that you could visit even if it’s for an hour or two? I found that always helped lift my mood. Also whenever she naps take full advantage, forget housework and other stuff they will get done eventually. But relax, take that time for yourself , have a cup of tea, binge on shows, have a nap yourself especially now your pregnant you must be knackered. Do whatever it is that relaxes you and makes you feel at peace.

Also, once your DD gets a bit older and can start interacting more and shows interest in things it Does get more ‘fun’ (in my opinion).

Hope it gets better x

Oh you do have it tough, OP, so the first thing is to give yourself a pat on the back for just getting through each day! I mean that genuinely, I hope I don’t sound at all patronising.

Your thread title makes me think you should go and pay your GP a visit. Although with some difficult babies, for a lot of their first year their behaviour is a bit unlikeable and it’s literally just about getting through. Till the child becomes more independent and happier in their skin. And you get more sleep etc.

Someone bought me an old fashioned nursery rhymes book, with all the words, and the actions you are supposed to do with them. It’s surprising how much you don’t remember from your own childhood so it was really useful . Both my kids (and my second one was a bloody whingeing nightmare) loved the very direct one to one interaction of me sitting or lying them on my knee, doing rhyme after rhyme and the tickles etc and maintaining eye contact

I studied child development at school and recalled how useful nursery rhymes are for babies’ speech development so I found it really interesting to see how they studied my face and eyes and lips and got excited at various points in anticipation of the next part or tickle.

I think it’s about what brings you fulfilment as a parent. Getting enjoyment at seeing your baby develop, and it totally depends on what YOU find fun yourself. So if you enjoy quite physical activities yourself, what about something like Tumble Tots with your little one (I don’t know what their minimum age is). If you like music, their are baby “music” classes.

If you like reading, research about popular baby books and really get into it, as a child psychology/development type of thing.

What did/do you enjoy doing? Sharing books, music, outings to park and walks (buggyfit?) . Do you have a children's centre or library with drop in groups? Maybe your hv could recommend or signpost you.

You know you can take ad's whilst pregnant don't you? X

If you were enjoying swimming, then maybe swimming with your baby? Some places have groups or classes but you could just go and splash around a bit.
Baby gym classes.we did tumbletots but that might not be around now. Or mumbaba singing and music group?
Curling up in bed with some lovely lift the flap and baby books is nice. Mug of tea beside you, just quiet and calm.

I too think you might want to discuss continuing your tablets with your GP.

Watch working mums on NETFLIX
Really good series which is really funny but also really relatable. It will show you just how normal you are and that when you’re out and about, and you see perfectly made up mums with big smiles.....they too get home and cry sometimes or despair or think ‘what have I done?!’

Keep talking to health professionals. There is really good help out there x

There are slings that don’t need to tie or buckle around your waist - so if you were worried about that when pregnant please don’t be - like pp said you could try sling library / meet up. Getting out and walking always helped me x

It sounds like things are really tough. Sometimes you just need to go into survival mode for a little while and that’s ok. Going back to the swimming lessons sounds like a good idea as you’ve enjoyed them and possibly going back on the anti depressants once you’re a little further along in your pregnancy.

It might be worth getting in touch with homestart, they provide volunteers to come and help out for an hour or two for families that are struggling a bit. Even if they were able to watch the baby for an hour while you have a bath or read a book, it might do you some good.

www.home-start.org.uk/

Thank you for all the lovely comments and suggestions

I feel better being able to say my true thoughts on here. I do regularly have a HV visit but she doesn’t know the extent of the problem as I “mask” the issue really well.

Next sling library in my area is the 2nd September which is a bit of a bummer.

Don't mask it, the hv can source support for you but only if you ask. Pnd is not a weakness and often strikes those who were perfectly confident beforehand but perhaps the birth or afterwards is not as anticipated. What does dh suggest, do you have other family who could help to give you a break?

Is there a home start in your area? Ask your HV. Do tell the HVhow rubbish you are feeling. I’m sorry you are having a hard time.

Definitely agree with watching Working Moms and also watch The Letdown.

Re. activities, baby signing classes are great. If you can’t get to a class you can buy a DVD or just watch Mr Tumble on CBeebies!

I'd recommend you speak to your GP/HV and be honest - there's support they can give you and the GP will be able to talk to you about your ADs. I used them years ago to help for a short period and had to come off gently.

I found 4-6 months to be hard, they're not small cute newborns but they don't do anything! I loved Baby Sensory classes, it's all music, bubbles and ideas for playing at home. We used to go for long walks, supermarket trips, coffee with friends over their lunch breaks or with new mum pals. I always try to go out once a day even if it's just to the post office.