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Parenting

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Original poster

Activities to do to make me like my baby

55 replies

istill · 07/08/2019 19:31

I am suffering from PND and not in a great place. I stopped taking the antidepressants but I wouldn’t have said they were making me like DD, just made me in a better place and not wanting to walking out into oncoming traffic.

DD is 5 months.

We’ve tried baby massage, it was a course with the NCT and it was nice meeting other people but whenever I to do it, she is really uncooperative.

Skin to skin doesn’t work and I get her at a bad time.

I’ve tried reading and playing but everything just goes in her mouth.

Any other suggestions?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Iggly · 07/08/2019 20:51

Get out and walk every day. It really really helps. Try walking early in the day - maybe before your dh goes to work. Then go out again with your dd.

I had to get out every day instead of focussing so much on baby/mother activities. It was too much!

Fatted · 07/08/2019 20:52

I remember trying to do all of the baby stuff with my eldest and I hated every minute of it. I wish I'd just cuddled him while watching the telly more. Or plonked him in the pram and gone for more day trips out.

I was thinking about my youngest as a baby the other day. I felt bad I didn't really do many baby things with him. He just kind of came along with my eldest and I while we went on our adventures. I enjoyed his baby days more because of it!

EAIOU · 07/08/2019 20:55

Get your favourite tunes on and have a dance with your baby.

Babies like music, their favourite person and some action so it's all rolled into one! You'll maybe feel better too listening to music that makes you feel good.

If you have a garden, green or park nearby, take a big blanket with you and let little one on the blanket on the grass and enjoy sensations and the weather. Fresh air make help you too. Daily walks were my saving grace at a point.

It is hard OP so dont give yourself a hard time. Plenty of rest, treats and good films/series.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

SomebodysPerson · 07/08/2019 20:58

OP I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

I'm an adoptive parent and theres a wealth of information on the internet about building attachments with babies for adoptive parents, I think you would benefit from these too. I cant think of any specific ones right now but they should be easy enough to find.

Just do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Xx

Aridane · 07/08/2019 20:59

I would keep on with the ADs

EchoLimaYankee · 07/08/2019 21:03

What about classes like hartbeeps/baby sensory/sing and sign? Mine loved these. It was so sweet to see their little faces light up at the sights and sounds. It’s a whole hour focused on your baby and other people (class leaders) provide the guidance, structure and stuff!

Backhometothenorth · 07/08/2019 21:33

Yes do get a sling- then you can walk, visit museums, walk the dog, do anything you like. Then maybe start singing the odd nursery rhyme as you wander along. Baby will be happy being close to you

peachgreen · 07/08/2019 21:41

It will happen, OP. I promise. Don't force it, just try to relax and trust it will come. Focus on your own mental health and getting lots of support in place for you, especially when your new baby comes. That's a lot you have on your plate.

Original poster

istill · 07/08/2019 22:36

thanks again all.

I am going to start taking the antidepressants again tomorrow. I was worried about the effects on the unborn baby but I think that’s the least of my worries at the moment.

I’ve had a difficult few hours with DD. She’s screamed the place down. What felt initially like dislike has turned into hate and distain at this exact moment

OP posts:

Beetlebum1981 · 07/08/2019 22:51

PND is crap, I remember utterly hating DD2 when she was about 6 months. I told DH on several occasions that I hated her and wanted someone to take her away. She's now 17 months and I honestly love her to pieces now.
As for the antidepressants, I've taken them through both pregnancies and breastfed whilst taking them too. My GP, psychiatrist and DH and I were of the opinion that it would be more harmful for me to stop taking them.
Is there a perinatal mental health team where you are? I had access to one after DD2 and it was helpful, gave me access to services I wouldn't have had otherwise.
Finally, have you tried Peanut - it's an app I heard about recently which is a bit like a dating site for mums I know you want to bond with your daughter but being able to have some adult interaction is so beneficial and might help you feel less isolated

Beetlebum1981 · 07/08/2019 22:55

www.baby-magazine.co.uk/peanut-app-tinder-mums/

Original poster

istill · 07/08/2019 23:16

@Beetlebum1981 - thanks! I’ll take a look. I did try the Mush app but struggled with it

DH doesn’t know barely anything of how I’m feeling

OP posts:

HawaiianLion · 07/08/2019 23:20

Dont mask how you feel, be honest. I had PND and had counselling as well as pills. Takes time OP
You don't owe your DH anything. It takes 2 to make a baby, let him look after your baby too and take some of the pressure off you (I found that bit hard though)

PamelaTodd · 07/08/2019 23:22

I had ante natal depression on my pregnancies, before I even knew that it was a thing. I shut down emotionally in the first trimester. My eldest was 10 months when I got pregnant and I was forcing myself to go through the motions with him. It was hell.

Hormones are powerful and peculiar things. Have a chat with your hv or gp and see what they recommend and be kind to yourself.

Kaddm · 07/08/2019 23:23

I would try to put her in a baby carrier/sling and just go for a walk in a place that is green. Green is nice, calming, makes you feel better. If she is comfortable and close to you it should make her calm as well.

Her0utdoors · 08/08/2019 09:14

How was your night istill? I hope today is better for you

Her0utdoors · 08/08/2019 09:15

www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Her0utdoors · 08/08/2019 09:16

^worth a look x

Quartz2208 · 08/08/2019 09:17

You need to talk to your partner - it sounds at the moment as if your life has been completely turned upside down, a new baby, quick pregnancy everything is all over the place.

And his has not changed at all and you feel guilty for getting him to do anything. That needs to stop you are in this together he needs to make sure you are ok (and you are not) and his family so talk to him. Get time for yourself to feel like yourself again that will be make things easier.

I have managed to hold and get a friends baby to sleep far easier than mine own - because I wasnt stressed it didnt really make a difference to me if they slept or not, I enjoyed having the cuddles and I didnt immediately feel the need to put them down because all the stuff I wanted to was done, all I wanted to do was cuddle a baby. They felt that and so slept

CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/08/2019 09:20

What felt initially like dislike has turned into hate and distain at this exact moment

She doesn’t hate you, she hates being a 5month old! I’m convinced some babies’ brains are just ahead of their physical development and they get frustrated at being babies! They can see and hear all these things in the world but they’re literally a helpless baby and can’t make sense of them or explore them how they would like to yet.

It’s our job to just get them through to the stage where they CAN start to really learn about the world and be much happier by doing so. So don’t take it personally. She knows you literally inside out and if she’s feeling frustrated at wanting to understand something that ISN’T you she is going to cry. Sometimes when mum hands baby over yo a different person then the crying sometimes temporarily as it’s new stimulation.

I’m also convinced that some babies really struggle with pain and teething more than others. In hindsight I think DS2 did. He cried all the time at that stage. However personality also comes into it and he is a very sensitive and feeling boy with his emotions, even at 13 years of age! When he feels happy everyone knows and he puts a smile on everyone’s face but equally when he’s feeling fed up or sad we all know! He has been like that from day one whereas DS1 is more of a closed book.

Yes, DS2 was an absolute trial till at least age 3, but he is full of empathy for others and I tell him he will make a fantastic husband when he is a man!

And tell your DH, or show him this thread, he needs to know how you’re feeling .

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 08/08/2019 09:30

I had pnd and it was horrific,it took me a year to bond properly with ds.I dont think you should have got pregnant again tbh it will put even more pressure on you,you need to focus on the child you are struggling to bond with rather than adding an additional child.I mean that in the nicest possible way and I hope you feel much better soon

IamPickleRick · 08/08/2019 09:34

I agree with CurlyhairedAssassin, some babies are more difficult than others and it may well be to do with frustration. I was in your exact position and we were living in a 2 bed flat with our older child as well. My middle one was an absolute dream baby and then my new one was just full of attitude, didn’t stop screaming all day long, everything pissed her off, she had to be touching me at all times and with 2 under 2 I was seriously touched out by bedtime (not that she slept...)

Anyway. It does get better. Like everyone says, once they get a bit more independent they chill out a bit. DC3 is much calmer now and not a pain at all (mostly anyway ), so please don’t panic. You will like her, you already do, it’s just very very hard to see past all the screaming her personality will come out and you’ll start getting some reward for what feels at the moment like being a slave to their whim!

Original poster

istill · 08/08/2019 13:08

Thanks again all.

I think she tired herself out after the screaming as she slept for 5 hours straight after (very rare!)

@ChihuahuaMummy1 - it took a year to
conceive DD so I stupidly thought that it would be the same this time 🤦‍♀️ Plus part of me thought well this baby is a write off, let’s make a new one that won’t hate me. Totally irrational and horrible but it’s how I was feeling at that point in time.

OP posts:

LuckyKitty13 · 08/08/2019 13:18

If you contact your sling library they may be able to do a soober home visit. My local library would definitely do this in your circumstances!!

LuckyKitty13 · 08/08/2019 13:20

I had a home visit when my baby was a week old as I was so desperate! They came the very next day and made me feel so much better

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